Part of our divorce agreement requires my ex to pay for one of our bills - in my name. He is now refusing to pay that bill until the divorce is final...though all papers have been re-signed and re-filed - just waiting on the judge's signature. He says that he was advised by an attorney not to pay it. I just received a notice that it's about to go to a credit agency. I'm so angry about this. I've spent the past 5 months cleaning up the damage he did to my credit by not paying bills in my name for the 2 years previous to our physical separation. I've been pre-approved for a home loan in order to buy my own house (something I am planning on doing after my trip), and now he's going to screw this all up. I am so angry...so frustrated.
I got ahold of my attorney's office, talked w/his assistant, and they're going to send his attorney a letter. Great...Good. By the time this is "resolved", this will go on my credit report. His passive-aggressive crap is soooo frustrating.
Before calling my attorney's office, I tried to call him back to resolve it w/out our attorney's involvement...won't answer his phone. Pushing my buttons? Yeah. He knows how.
Hate to say this but you grin and bear it. When everything is singed by the judge you will notice that things die down a bit. As long as you aren't talking about personal stuff anymore. It takes a while though.
I would also suggest to you that you call the people he owes and explain your situation and ask for a bit more time. Might help. They are happy that you at least make an attempt usually. I use to be a collector.
My suggestion............just pay the bill this month yourself. Hopefully by next month it will all be resolved and you will be able to buy your house. Your credit won't get ruined.
This message has been edited by Canuck_Kid on Apr 28, 2005 10:10 PM
that he gets to keep making messes like this...things that affect my life...that I have to clean up...and then he just gets to walk away w/no consequences? I asked my counselor this question the other day...but she didn't give me an answer. Maybe there isn't one. Consequences. Accountability. Responsibility. They all belong to me, but not him. Why is that? I just don't get it.
Simple suggestions (Homer Simpson slap on the head...doy)...good ones, both of them. I'll pay it this time because I'm not taking the chance that it will go to a collection agency. I've worked too hard to clean that up. He hasn't paid it at all, as was agreed upon, so the amount is considerable. This will affect my trip...most likely his goal...as he made a comment about that yesterday. Vindictiveness. Hatefulness. God, I love this stuff (heavy sarcasm).
Talk to your lawyer again. Have the lawyer tell the judge that the payment is in arrears, that ex-H is responsible and has not paid. If your state is at all like mine, they will take some of his money from another part of the settlement and use it to reimburse you for this. I cannot believe that your lawyer was SUCH A WIMP to suggest only sending a reminder letter. Remind you lawyer that he/she works for you.
Well, this morning he's agreed to pay a small amount to them. Now, whether he'll actually do that or not is another story. Attorney will send the letter, and talk to the judge re: non-payment (thanks for that suggestion). Thanks so much for your input.
I realize that I reacted strongly to him...old habits...he was pushing my buttons. While I know that I'm powerless to control what he does or doesn't do, I resent the fact that so much of what he does affects me in a tangible sense. This is difficult to deal with because I'm trying to separate my life from his, yet feel like I gave him control over something I shouldn't have now (the ability to screw w/my credit again). My reaction simply reinforced his control over this situation, and given him something else to use against me. UGH...
Anyway, I've done what I can do. Good lesson learned.
Cindy, I understand about "button pushing". I truly empathize with you. My ex knew (knows) that I abhor procrastination - and he is the poster child for it. So he ignored/delayed/obfusicated all communications, filings, orders for response from the court and lawyers. Dragged on the divorce for about 14 months. And you know what he said to me about a month ago? That he wish this could've been over sooner - his life would be so much better. When I first left him, I would've laid into him about how all of this - the divorce and the delays were HIS doing (or NOT doing, snort). I was just giving him what he supposedly wanted. Except I wouldn't have said it quite so neutrally. Now I just ignore his whiney-ass "my life is crap and the world is out to get me" comments. My life is much better (living well - revenge - all that jazz) so I just inwardly shake my head at his stupidity and move on. I also vent here and to friends about his myopic-ness (if that's even a word!). I can only hope that you can get to the same place. It took me a long while, after the divorce was final and then some, but it is easier on ME to laugh at him than raise my blood pressure by getting annoyed or even angry. FWIW, there was a time when I thought I'd never get to this emotional place.
