This is a guy's profile posted on a dating site. He lives in the same city as me.......

I'm a sincere and loyal person...My friends and family are very important to me.I'm fairly conservative and prefer routine...once I've found something good,well,why change it?I'm a Cancer,actually,so if you know anything about signs that describes my personality exactly..Ideally I would like to have a soulmate where we can be very close and build a successful life together. I enjoy the outdoors and would like to build a nice log home in the country someday.I enjoy working with my hands and building things...other activities I enjoy include relaxing on the beach,biking,walking and yard work. A basic night out for me is to go somewhere nice for dinner and to a movie or show.I like wine and fine food. Also I would like to go to parties more than I do...I like to meet new people dance and have fun.I'm searching for a woman who wants a close relationship and who is commited to personal growth..Ideally she will be a well balanced person who is intelligent and ambitious.Physical appearance is important to me and I prefer slender body types and long hair.I like feminine girls...heels,make-up,perfume...how my partner dresses is important to me.I'm looking for someone who shares my sense of fashion...I prefer tight clothes..jeans,shorts,skirts,v-neck tops,dresses,bikinis,etc....I like to be involved in this too and even enjoy shopping.I don't want to try and change anyone later so I'm being honest about this now.I need someone who is confident and not modest...someone who enjoys being fun and sexy and adventuresome.So if you like this too and desire lots of attention and affection from your man then things could be good.Personallitywise I want to find someone who is naturally compatable with me to begin with...relationships can be difficult enough so why make things harder than it has to be...I need someone who loves and respects me and who is totally honest and devoted.Maybe I'll add more here later...




Does this profile creep anyone else out? I see red flags all over it.....

"I'm looking for someone who shares my sense of fashion...I prefer tight clothes..jeans,shorts,skirts,v-neck tops,dresses,bikinis,etc"

What I want to know is - does that mean he wears the bikinis and dresses too lol???

"I don't want to try and change anyone later so I'm being honest about this now."

This guy sounds like a control freak and someone who should get himself a blow-up doll. He will be in COMPLETE charge of the look and can change it whenever he wants.

Yeah control freak with a narcissistic tendancies........he can pull out the profile later and say see I told you this is what I expected.

As I said creepy, just plain ole creepy!

I was SOOO tempted to send him a message, but refrained and decided to post here instead.

"Personallitywise I want to find someone who is naturally compatable with me"

Do they need to spell like him too?

"I need someone who loves and respects me and who is totally honest and devoted"

That's a tall order for a first date.

LOL.

""""I'm searching for a woman who wants a close relationship and who is commited to personal growth.""""

And from our closeness, I'll remind her often what she needs to be working on.

May God help the woman who answers his ad.

I have a question for guys here. I sometimes puzzle over this, and have heard other women describe it too.

What exactly is going on when (this can happen on a first date) the man does not really register anything much about the woman other than his sexual attraction. He then proceeds to exploit her weaknesses. Anything will do. When he gets her on the defensive he's Mr Know-It-All with advice.

The woman leaves wondering what that was all about.

The profile above reminded me of that type of guy.

Mr. Wonderful says:


<Physical appearance is important to me>


Here's what I'd say on the first date, "Well, physical appearance is important to me too, take off your pants and let's see how you measure up." ROFL.

OK I'm being rowdy, but he neeeds a wake-up call,

TLMM

MM!! You naughty girl.

The sad part of all this is the guy is probably sporting a beer belly, a few missing teeth, going bald on top with the comb over thing going on, unemployed and still living with his wife (the profile lists him as seperated). Gee I can't imagine who would let such a treasure go???!!!!

RW, it takes men a while to grow out of the "Mr. Fixit" mentality if they start adult life with it. Some never grow out of it, and maybe a guy like you describe is thinking about exchanging flattery and problem solving for sex.

"Just listening" is a hard skill for most men to master without getting antsy and thinking there's something he should be DOING about what he hears. When I'm interested in a woman, I am always aware that there are a thousand little things I could do to show her I care. As a younger man, I figured "fixing problems" was something I could (and should) bring to the relationship.

The beauty of growing wiser with age is that I don't see a need to "fix" every problem I hear about. And I like the idea of being with a woman who doesn't have to play games when there is something she wants...someone who can communicate clearly and directly.

And that's the flip side of it: I consider it a trait of immaturity for a woman to expect "her man" to read her mind: is she just venting, or does she really need his help? This is something that messes with my mind, and I suspect other men's minds too. Listening for content and facts that would be used to "problem-solve" uses different a different brain hemisphere than "just listening" to affirm. It is documented that men in general (other than gay men) have a harder time than women in general in switching back and forth between the "thinking" and "feeling" sides of the brain because the connection between the two is smaller.

I have a clue from my own marriage that my jumping into problem-solving when all she wanted to do was vent often made my ex-wife feel small, belittled, or incompetent. I think this is the feeling and situation you are describing and I daresay it happens a good bit in many marriages.

But on an early date, it's hard for a man to know enough about when a woman is being coy, being manipulative, being open, or "just venting". So I suspect the "default" for some men is to revert to "Mr. Fixit".

I realize I'm generalizing from my own experience here. Take it as one perspective on the question RW posed.

Chris.

ps. This really is not related to the main topic on the thread. My comment about the dating-site post is this: that is a coded post. He's interested in someone who's a lot more 'ho' than homebody, perhaps into an alternative lifestyle. Just because your red flags go up doesn't mean there's not someone out there for him. What good would telling him off do anyone, Kid?

"the guy is probably sporting a beer belly, a few missing teeth, going bald on top with the comb over thing going on, unemployed and still living with his wife"

Geesh Kid....I qualify on 4 out of 6 of those things....I guess I am undesirable since I am 66% of this guy. (all though mine is a "chocoholics belly") Glad Sunshine wants me with all my faults.

ROTFLMAO!!!!!

This guy isn't looking for a soul mate...he wants a "sole" mate....somebody he can walk all over. Think I will run to the neighbors...take a southern view of one of his horses headed north and email it to you to forward to him.

Gosh...I should probably move to Arkansas as I only have nine of my natural teeth....But I do gots store bought ones so I might not fit in with the neighbors. They would think I was uppity with store bought teeth and a almost new pickup.

I have to agree with Chris...there probably is someone out there for him, and I guess they deserve each other if they find each other. As always I disagree with him as I would forward him the picture and ask him if its what he sees in the mirror every morning.

Dave

Yes scarily enough there is some poor submissive woman looking for a domineering man to put her in her place and dress her. Pathetic!

>>Yes scarily enough there is some poor submissive woman looking for a domineering man to put her in her place and dress her. Pathetic!<<

And I'm sure there's also some poor submissive man looking for a domineering woman to put him in his place and dress him. But it's not my place to judge or to fix any of 'em. If they can find the right person for them, more power to 'em. Just because I don't want to live that way doesn't mean I have the right to criticize, ridicule, or correct them if they do. Living in "The World According To Chris" would be a pretty boring life for most folks, but it's fine for me.

Chris.

A healthy relationship is not about control Chris.
Yes those relationships exist, I didn't say they didn't and I didn't say it was wrong. I said I thought it was pathetic.

Kid

The only thing I liked about his profile was the sincere and loyalty part, but it went hugely downhill after that. He does sound like a control freak and I also didn't like his "tight" clothes comment. Any decent man might like something cute and tight but to advertise it online would be a red flag to me. Back when I was looking, any time a man mentioned how someone should dress was a problem, I even saw many who alluded to the fact that sex was a necessity and even though I think intimacy is very important myself, if they had to say it in their profile, it was a red flag to me. When I'd look through these profiles I had problems with lots of things men wrote. If they didn't have stuff about honesty, communication, loving their children, and how important their family was to them, I didn't want anything to do with them. If they bitched about their ex and women in general, I didn't want anything to do with them.

I learned something valuable from my ex; that looks were NOT what I cared most about this time around. I don't think my boyfriend's pictures were very good at all in his profile but what he said was rare and he and I both had a "grounded" comment and also closeness to our families, how much we loved our children, that we were open and honest and much more. I got lucky b/c when I met him I did think he looked much better in person and is quite cute!!

Charlie

I guess that's why they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.......or is that beerholder.

Anyway, I agree with you that what is inside is by far more important. There are lots that only look at what is outside though and have certain specifications on what a perfect woman looks like.

The reality is, most men are attracted to the physical characteristics and woman are more willing to overlook those.

Kid

ps. the thread was supposed to be humorous, I guess not everybody thinks so..lol