My 12-year-old son struggles in math.Right now he has a D.(In all his other subjects he has A’s and B’s.)This morning, as I am able to check his grades online, I saw that he completely flagged an independent project in math that he was supposed to be working on for the whole quarter grading period.Apparently, he just didn’t do it.At this point, I don’t know if he purposely “forgot” about it, or he really didn’t know to do it, or when to turn it in.
Being the single parent with no one really to talk to about this (remember, the ex is pretty much checked out), I’d like to know what discipline or consequences you might enforce so that he understands that this situation is not acceptable.I’ve already requested to have a meeting with my son and the teacher, and I have certain consequences in mind, but I wanted y’alls opinion – especially those of you who are parents.
Here’s the fine line part – my son has been dealing with digestive problems for almost a year now.When he gets stressed, he can get painful stomach and bowel issues (gastritis, etc.).He is in bi-weekly counseling right now to learn how to better deal with the stress in his life, but I’m not sure I am happy with the counselor.He is new at this school -- he has “acquaintances” there, but no real friends.He does have 3- 4 close friends outside of school (from his homeschool days and from our neighborhood).So – in addition to his father not being available to him, he has these other issues.I don’t want to be a “softy,” and yet I don’t want to stress him further, either.
Hi
I feel bad for your son............my guess is he didn't think he could do it so why bother.....
I would try asking him what he thinks his punishment should be and work from there.
I wonder why at 12 years old the teacher was not "checking" on progress and talking to you before he was at a D.?????
A student who get's A and B in other area doesn't seem like someone who slacks.......I am thinking he didn't know where to go or where to begin. The project might have been TOOOO overwhelming for him to deal with. Students who do well in other area's often don't feel they can ask for help or they don't know how.
I would suggest if possible-----find a high school kid who could tutor him/help a bit with math until he feels confident. (Might even create a bond/mentor situation.)
I'm in a hurry at the moment. I think I will take away his "screens" for a period of time -- the TV, the PC, the gameboy.... The boy needs to face the music.
Chris -- This should be my son's problem. However, he doesn't see it as a problem, so I think it's my job, as a loving parent, to make it his problem. Know what I mean?
I'm in a hurry at the moment. I think I will take away his "screens" for a period of time -- the TV, the PC, the gameboy.... The boy needs to face the music.
Chris -- This should be my son's problem. However, he doesn't see it as a problem, so I think it's my job, as a loving parent, to make it his problem. Know what I mean?
When I work with families who have a child with academic problems, punishment for academic failure, while sometimes justified, doesn't help. It helps the parents feel better, but it doesn't change the behavior of the child or adolescent. (However, using punishment for behavioral problems, like being disrespectful, damaging property, etc. CAN be effective.)
If you reframe this from taking away privileges as punishment for this incident, to one where he now has to "earn" time on his screens, you are in a better position to influence his future behavior. The key is to communicate your expectations clearly (even in writing) so that he understands fully what is expected. With a 12-year old, it is good to solicit his input: what does he think caused him to miss this big assignment? What does he think could help him not forget in the future? Would he like more help with his math homework? etc. The act of asking for his opinion can be beneficial, even if you don't agree with all that he has to say. The important part is that his opinion does matter. Oftentimes a school counselor can help draft a "contract" of sorts.
I suspect he may need some extra help with math. Even if a child does not meet criteria for a learning disorder, they can still benefit tremendously from extra academic supports (e.g., tutor, learning centers, practice with drills).
His GI problems may indicate problems with anxiety. Have you ever considered a referral to a child/adolescent psychologist?
Sorry, that was probably much more than you bargained for!
I have GI problems and I don't have issues with anxiety. Sometimes they just are....I've found I really have to watch my diet. Lots of fresh fruit and veggies, no onions, no garlic, no spices, minimal dairy (skim milk, cheese, yogurt). Could be a reaction to gluten too. I seem to function better with fewer carbs. Have you tried eliminating certain foods from his diet to determine if it is food related. Mine is in direct relation to stress and the food I consume. Now that I know the triggers it makes it far easier to deal with. I first developed the problem in my late teens. From somebody that has those kind of issues, I can relate to how your son feels
Second, I agree that giving him rewards for spending more time studying math, getting a better grade, or just putting in alot of hard work is a better system to encourage the child to continue and try to do better. Punishment doesn't work in this case.
Have that open and frank discussion with him. It might be a great mother son bonding moment.
“I agree with taking away the games and TV, but you also need to invest in helping him solve the problem.”
I have, and I continue to invest in my son.I spend at least ½ hour nearly every school night helping him with homework, particularly math.Sometimes we spend more time than that.Sometimes we get the math book out on the weekend, at my son's request, and continue to go over some things that he is still not comfortable with.He comes along, but it’s a struggle – he just doesn’t like to learn it. Some of you don’t know, but I used to homeschool him, so I am used to helping him.(And I’ve also tutored professionally– for both private individuals and for an agency.)He also has math tutoring at school, but she doesn’t seem too effective, to me – I’ve set up a meeting with her and the teacher for next week. Going to Sylvan is out the question for me, as I don’t have the money.I tutor him myself – but I can’t help him if I don’t know he has an assignment! That was what I was upset about.
He does not have a learning disability.He does have digestive and stress issues.But the principle that I am trying to teach him is that ignoring something won’t make it go away.What he needs to do, if he’s feeling overwhelmed, is to tell us right way so that we can help him make the best use of his time, and help him if he feels “stuck.” Both his teacher and I have been responsive to him in the past, and we do help.
I feel for him as well, as I didn’t like math when I was in school, and I also had some stress issues to deal with.Maybe it’s hereditary.J
I do appreciate all the responses – as I tend to be a “softy,” I wanted to balance that tendency with more opinions.And I do like the suggestion of maybe getting a high school tutor – although just because someone knows math doesn’t mean he can teach it…..
