I'm Not sure how this works. And frankly I wish I didn't have to learn on a support group for something I don't even want to be in. But I'm here now aren't I.

I couple days before Christmas my husband told me he is thinking of ending the marriage. So on Christmas eve I was at an attorneys office trying to see what my rights were to my son. On Christmas Day he told me it was confirmed. So Monday I drew up paper work to end the marriage. Only because he threatened to keep our son at his house for months (we had been living apart due to work delays but in a month planning on the job relocating and moving back to Ca. together). So to make sure i got temp custody i must file for the temporary order. I thought it would get him a little. It did not. He was unfazed. Last night he told me he had a date with a girl (she is 19 he is 28) and hung up. When I called back he let her answer the phone. I was in shock. I wanted to drive the three hours and hurt him. But for what? He had recently cheated on me and openly told me about it(with a 20year old!). I thought we were working it out???? I am lost, I have no job (i just got laid off), no money, I am intitled to NONE of the 40K he got from an L&I settlement. That i sat by his F#%%&*& bed for 12 hours a day pregnant for 4 months straight while he was in the hospital in and out of comas. I am not innocent though. After he was released and pushed me down (Brain injury patient)while holding our son i told him to leave and waited three months and started seeing someone else for two months. I was unable to have sex with my husband because watching him go into surgary, changing his diapers, catheter, putting suppositories in him. It just grew to hard for me (i was only 21 and now 25). But we eventually gave it another try for the last 1 1/2 years. And this is where i am..

Where do i go from here? How do i get over the pain of him with someone else and has NO remorse or feelings towards it. He tells me he plans on sex with her, told me they kissed on their date..I think I'm hurt so much not so much this girl but his lack of emotion towards my pain.

Uh, this is always the worst time of year to be going through something like this. I'm sorry you find yourself here and that you felt you had to join the club none of us wanted to join. Are you able to stay with any family until you get back on your feet? If I were you, I would limit the amount of time you talk to your STBX (soon to be ex) since he insists on rubbing it in that he will be sleeping with another womam. It seems his only motive is to hurt you more which is just horrible. I read a book when my ex and I split years ago that said to treat your relationship as if it were a business relationship after you separate. That was the thing that helped me more than any other - besides exercise. The book said if your ex tries to argue about something to just tell them that you are not arguing about it or are not talking about it and if you have to, tell them the lawyers will decide any argument. I used that method with my ex and, at first, I had to say it over and over and eventually we had no arguments. Now we have a fairly good relationship since we have to co-parent our boys.

I know you are likely hurting, but please try to do things to help yourself feel better i.e. exercise, eat right, make a plan to get your life back on track, etc. and not things like alcohol (if you drink) or other things like that. Many of us wanted to have a few more drinks than we should have when going through this traumatizing situation. You probably won't want to hear this but time will help you heal and to help you see this situation more clearly. Many of us who have been here for years don't really see the need to continue posting (we stick around to support but not as much talk of affairs) since the past does not haunt us anymore but hopefully you'll get several responses.

Please feel free to post any questions, we have many years worth of experience here and the group can be very helpful.

Charlie (female)