Today is D-Day+10 for me.

I sat down last night to gather my thoughts and write something that might (in part) express how it feels 10 years down the line, how life changes, how it is better, how someone else might gain from my perspectives on affair recovery.

At the end of 10 years I can no longer look at my life through that prism. Sure, it hurts like hell to discover an affair. It hurts like hell to be told you're not wanted any more. It hurts like hell to have to build a new life without a partner.

But focusing on hurt is a bad way to live life. Everybody hurts. And a focus on hurt allows negative things to take over: anger, outrage, revenge, pettiness, jealousy. One loses focus on the good, the valuable, the nice, and even the everyday things that make life good.

I have rediscovered what I always knew: I need a partner who can and does share freely with me, even at some risk. I don't believe partners must share every fleeting thought and feeling, but I do believe it's necessary to get the bigger stuff out there to deal with.

Life is NOT, for me, so much about what I want as it is about accepting and being accepted...by a partner, by a boss, by people in my life. The wishes and wants are fleeting.

I can no longer think of myself as permanently damaged, unalterably changed, or unable to live a good life. Instead, I think of my life as a journey full of twists and turns...the most recent of which is an unexpected grandson whose father is about to go off to war.

On my desk, where I can see it every day, is a meaningful description of the way I aspire to live my life:

"The journey is the reward"

Those words are inscribed on a gift from the woman I love. I am grateful that she "gets" me.

What's left to come is far more intriguing that what's behind; I know the words to that song already. Plus ten. I can safely say I'm glad I'm not in a roadside bar, laughing and thinking about glory days. They pass you by.

[apologies to The Boss]

Chris.

Reading your very positive post I could not but remember your "other" posts, Chris, and the tiffs you and I had LOL

10 years is a milestone, isn't? You can now honestly say "it is not about an affair, it is about life". It is about being accepted, valued, cherished and loved. "It is to fear less and love more".

Congratulations (I suppose lol). You are warmly welcome to the 10 year group

"Love is giving someone the space to be the way they are and the way they are not". Does it make sense now Chris??

And as you walk you make your path Kat

Wow Chris,

A grandson! No matter the circumstances, all children need to know that they are loved an valued and I'm sure you will share in that gift to your grandson.

And your journey seems to have brought you to a place of acceptance with grace.

I wait impatiently to become a grandmother!


MM

Chris-

Eloquently said. Your gracious thoughts have soothed and lent perspective to myself and many others here. You are a battled scarred spokesman for an experience no one wants to go through, but many are propelled to endure.

As I begin my next phase of life, and search out partnership and companionship, I will keep your thoughts close.

Thank you for everything.

Jay

Chris,

I remember how you/we were early on with forum postings.

Wheeee! What a journey it has been.

Maybe the wind in our faces blows the prickly anger off in time.

RW

Good thing for me those old Arrow posts are gone, RW.

And yes, Kat, all those things make sense now.

Thank you for the kind words, Jay. Try these as you look for a new partner:

Live, love, laugh, learn.

Chris.

Congrats on the new addition to the family!