Hi. I hope somebody will read this and help me out a little because I am floundering big time. My husband of five years just confessed that he cheated on me during two of my three pregnancies. While I had suspected as much, and thought I was dealing with it well, the reality of it has pretty much completely destroyed me. My emotions are so screwed up it isn't even funny ... and I am so stressed and depressed I can't stop stuffing my face! I have put on five pounds already and it has only been a week and a half. I just can't stop thinking about it and imagining all this crazy shit in my head ... little mini adultery movies almost. I seriously feel like I am going nuts. My children are 4, 3 and 2. I have to do what is best for them and myself, but WHAT THE HELL IS THAT EXACTLY!!!!! It's like my body and a little part of my heart want him still, but my head and a little bigger piece of my heart think I should run as fast as I can. I am so lost. Advice?
I went the other way. I lost 35-40 lbs in a little more than a month. Its been since Friday, May 13 since my d-day, and it is starting to get -slightly- better. I'm eating again, the mini-movies are starting to not come with constant frequency, and when they do they are getting a little easier to accept.
Oddly, I have found several other people at work dealing with the same things at the same time...and the real disturbing thing is that, in the short term of things anyway...the ones doing much much much better are the ones who said "get the hell out." The people like me who are trying to work things out...are having a much more difficult, depressing time.
Once again, this is certainly short term. I don't know who will be better off in the long run...so I guess my advice would be- always try to keep the long view and follow that because right now you cannot see through the mess that is our lives.
You'll find yourself going through a gammit of emotions but no matter how crazy it seems, it is normal. You may want to see your MD for anti-D then you may want to see a C and IC for the both of you. It'll be a long road but my H told me that according to Dr. Phil, 67% of M that suffer from EA's or A, recover and become stronger than before. I hope that offers you hope.
Frankly as one who "got the hell out" I would never say I suffered less than somebody who stayed. It may seem that way, but you don't know until you have taken that road. Alot depends on the remorsefulness of your spouse.
Leaving presents its own set of problems and trials. For some it is a very lonely path with worries about finances, diseases, trust issues, etc.
Regardless of what way you go - there is a huge amount of pain to deal with. You can't just walk away and bury it or you will just bring all that baggage into the next relationship. Either way you still have to heal YOU!
Give it at least 6 months and then decide. That's what the experts say anyway. Especially with several children, I think that is a wise decision.
You are trying to run away from the pain right now, but trust me it just follows you.
