3 years laterJanuary 30 2010 at 1:56 AM
|Linda (Login 2107linda)|
This weekend will be 3 years that I found out my husband had an affair. Our life since the affair has been filled with him showing and proving to me that the affair is over and he regrets it. I have access to his emails and phone records.... Is it normal I still check them?
I try not to dwell on it but I still find myself, at times not trusting him. Does the trust ever return to 100 percent?
I find myself wanting to call her and ask her if she is still a "----" (fill it whatever you would like to call her.) I know that serves no purpose and certainly does nothing for the healing process.
I have a HORRIBLE time right now saying I Love You first.... I feel like he needs to speak first. Some days I forget the affair happened and other days (particularly around the date) I remember it as if it were yesterday.
I notice now that there are certain instances from the past that I realize he was talking to her, it is as if all the pieces to a puzzle have been given to me now. It is a strange feeling. I CLEARLY remember now,(as if it were yesterday) at Christmas before I found out, we were in a store and he took the call outside and said it was work.... it was a 20 minute call.... in hindsight work calls were 5--7 minutes long.... So along with feeling like a weight is sitting on me, I feel stupid for not noticing the oddness of the call and then I feel like I can't trust one word out of his mouth.... when does this pass? I don't consciously mark the date on the calendar...I just find myself feeling weird about him and us and then I realize what time of the year it is.