... how knowing that you're not alone (dealing with affair recovery) doesn't always feel so good? Sometimes it doesn't make me feel better at all. Sometimes (in a saint-and-martyr moment) I wonder if it might feel a whole lot better knowing that there were maybe just three or four of us. Sometimes, feeling better because I'm not alone makes feel feel like a real turd. Have you ever noticed that? Well, have you?
Ok serious now. Yes I think I go through the same thing but from a different source, sorta. Every week in my everyday travels it seems I discover that some one I know personally has had or is having an affair. Funny how 3 years ago I hardly noticed those things. But yes, it depresses the hell out of me to know that infidelity is running wild in today's world.
I'll try and splain this from an anthropological perspective that sometimes frustrates me.
Back in the old days when I was in school, I studied the Bushmen of the Kalahari- a lot. At the time we referred to them as the !Kung San, but now they want to be referred to as Bushmen again.
Anyway, there has been a nebulous acceptance about affairs among the Bushmen. They feel that it is a part of human nature to have affairs. They just don't advertise it or flaunt it. Sort of an oxymoron way of thinking. We all understand that A's happen, and think it is a part of human nature, but we just won't talk about it. We'll keep it secret.
And it seems that affairs ARE pandemic. So what does this mean?. Are we hard-wired for them. It seems so contradictory to me- to be hard-wired for something that causes so much PAIN. Maybe at some point in the future, we'll all have experienced an A and be DONE with it. Maybe we'll evolve to kinder beings. God I hope so.
Old brain/new brain kind of stuff that will keep us busy for a while.
Why didn't I just study English. It's pretty clear when to use a ? mark. LOL
If you start feeling like a turd, get some good smelling soap and clean up. LOL
that was a trick question wandit? If we say yes, we agree with you then we become one of the masses that supports the negative side of your question while also validating your feeling like a turd. If we say no, we disagree with you then it would be logical that we would be supporting the positive side of the issue with a negative answer by trying to cheer your monkey A$$ up, but not validating you feeling like a turd. We can't win and your stuck feeling like a turd.
<MM, I'm thinking that if our brains WERE hard-wired for infidelity, then infidelty would not hurt us as it does.> < It's about selfishness, pure and simple.>
So, are we hard-wired to be selfish?
Sometimes I think I should just scrub tile grout and fuggetaboutit. I'd like to belong to the club that has members that have NEVER experienced infidelity.
MM, re "hard wired to be selfish"? hmmmm. Good question. I guess I'd have to know exactly what was meant by "hard-wired."
Yep, I'd like t belong to that other club too. Like my mom and dad. In fact, I remember thinking recently that.... why can't I have a husband like my dad? He was just cool -- with good morals, but not overbearing about it. He taught us 8 kids by example, and in the way he loved my mom.
Jean, you can have that guy I am led to believe he does exist, perhaps he lives among the guys here on the boards?
Quinn, Yep, I recognise the description and right now I beleive it fits me to a tee
TURD - waste product to be jettisoned as required.
Sorry folks to be a downer but thats is how it is for me right now.
Jean UK
>>And it seems that affairs ARE pandemic. So what does this mean?. Are we hard-wired for them. It seems so contradictory to me- to be hard-wired for something that causes so much PAIN<<
It seems to me we may be hard-wired for infidelity as well as hard-wired for the pain that infidelity causes. I have nothing to back this up but speculation. It seems to me that human beans are hard-wired for severe pain when (for example): (a) a partner is unfaithful (b) a child or partner dies (c) we kill someone. I'm sure there are others.
>>So...you're saying you'd rather this be more of an exclusive club, huh?<< Uh huh. Sometimes. When I'm feeling noble I'd like to be the only turd floating in the punch bowl.
I'm jumping on this post a little late but Yes, it bothers me how much I see it. It has happened to 3 of the girls in my family and there are only 4, one sister stayed with her H 9 or so years ago and they are doing well, one divorced many years ago right after his A's and remarried not long after and they are going strong, and the other sister got married a few years ago to a man that I'm nearly betting never will because his dad had to his mom and they also divorced and he and I have spoken in depth about the affects on my kids because he can relate. He's always been angry at his dad for doing it to his mom. Me, I made it work for about a year and then we separated too.
My BF's ex also cheated and she's still with the OM. You know it is terrible because he lives in this condo in a great little area and he told me yesterday that he thought it was very sad that there were only 6 condos in his building and that 4 (2 women and 2 men) out of the 6 were all divorced, another couple lives together and the last couple just got married not long ago. We were wondering how many broke up because of A's??? We have spoken about how many people that we've heard of having A's since we've both been through it ourselves. Strange how we never noticed it before.
PS That yellow stuff looks like fat deposits but who the hell knows :>)
Charlie
This message has been edited by charlie288 on Mar 9, 2005 9:55 PM
I never realized how common infidelity was either...This knowledge is depressing to me...I also never realized how many people there were out there who would jump in the sack with a married person...
to this day, what is the oldest profession ???? just to say altho, we are sensitized by infidelity it has been around -ugly? maybe - moral? not - human? you bet you...
A physician, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world." The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world." The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?""
