This is probably the wrong place to put this, but as you're now officially 'my friends' you're gonna get it!
Its my Mum's birthday tomorrow (87)and she's been going on and on and on about having a dog - to talk to and keep her company because she's so lonely. I opposed this, as did my H on the grounds that she can only walk 100 yards before her leg hurts and she has to stop, and it wouldn't be fair on the dog, and because I know who'd get to do the dog walking and taking to vet etc etc - me - and because I work shifts and long hours, she can forget it if she thinks I'm coming home at 3am and walking the dog. So basically, I was against the idea, and have been for the last year that she's been going on about it. Plus, I'm the only one that does any housework round here, and I don't have enough time to do it as it is.
So, my H and I thought about what we could get her, and we came up with what we thought was a great idea - a bird! So we spent approx 6 hours yesterday driving to go and get this little budgie with his cage and toys and food etc. and gave it to her. She says 'what am I supposed to do with that?' I said 'talk to it, it'll be company for you and you don't have to walk it' She says 'how can I talk to a bird?' - Don't ask me how she reckons she can talk to a dog but not a bird, but anyway, cut a long story short, I said 'Ok we'll take it back' Husband says 'Oh poor little thing, he's so sweet (which he is) why don't we keep him?' So now we've got a budgie. He is cute, blue, we've called him Broadie since at the time we were buying him my husband was winning a bet to the approx value of the bird on a golfer named Broadhurst.
Just wanted to have a moan, really. But he is sweet, and we've only had him a day, and already he lets me pick him up and stroke him.
xxxxx
Now, my brothers and sister will buy her crap presents and she'll get on the phone to them and say 'thankyou very much, its lovely' but I don't get the graciousness. And she tells everyone that I won't LET her have a dog.
I saw this somewhat when my in-laws had to deal with my husband's grandmother. At some point they had to step in (much like you would with a child) and make the decisions. Even though she was an adult she was not good at making choices that were in her best interest. Plus when living in the same house sometimes you have to do what is best for everyone living there. The grandmother also complained to the other siblings and that was difficult for her son to deal with.
I don't know your yard situation, but is it possible to have a small dog run so that the dog could go out and get some exercise, but not have to be walked? We have tea cup poodles and we don't walk them. They go outside into a pen and run around each day. Plus they are great house pets and provide a lot of company.
If that's not possible, then I'd say give your Mom some time with the bird. We have birds also and they can be great company. And they grow on you just like dogs do. They can be very loving and provide great company. I guess you know this, but a budgie can learn to talk, especially if it's a young one.
One word of advice. I know that some people are against clipping their wings. But we've always done that simply because they WILL fly out of the house if a door or window is open. And most of the time they will not come back to you, no matter how long you've owned them or how attached they are to you. It can be heartbreaking when you've grown attached to one and it takes off.
I know it's difficult when you feel you are doing something for someone and they don't appreciate it. Again, it's like with kids. Sometimes being the "adult" is not much fun. And it's ok to whine about it.
You tried to do something nice Sandy. And hopefully at some point your Mom will recognize that. My bet is that given time with the bird she will grow to love it.
Sometimes it's the child that is closest to the parent that gets the grief. Last week I was in Ca. with my frail mother. I spent four hrs. one day, and four hrs. another digging in her yard planting flowers, plus I paid her Visa bill. She still gave me a hard time. I once told her I'm the LAST person on earth she should be treating like crap. They're old, and aren't going to change now. I guess it's hard to let go of "parenting".
I think my mom is learning tthough- she knows that if she complained about a pet, I would buy her a hamster, a fish, a cat, a dog, a lizard...
Give your ma a big kiss and tell her you love her. Throw 'em a curve ball.
Sounds like she may want the affection of an animal that is more interactive and cuddly.
I'd love to have a dog too, but as a single mother of small children, it's just not practical, nor affordable. So we have a cat! My son calls her his best friend.
I knew you'd be there for me!! A cat is a no-go, this asthma that my husband hasm which the doctor says is actually wheezing, is made really bad by cats, he must be allergic to them, same with dogs with long fur. Our little dog, Freckles, was a whippet cross something and had short hair and he was fine with her, but cats - well, its a hospital job even if one has been in the room and isn't in it at the time.
We've got Broadie in our room, and Mum has started to pop in and see him a bit already. But I worry for him, cos they say that they need company and she'll only drag herself away from her TV set maybe once or twice a day for a couple of minutes. I've been talking to him all day!! I love him already!! I'm working tonight and for the next 3 nights so I need to sleep in the day. I thought about sleeping in here with him so if he chirps I'll wake up and talk to him, but I know I'll feel like sh** the next night at work....
And on it goes. And as for giving her a big hug!!!.......NO!!! She's gonna be lucky to get her birthday card after her ungrateful behaviour.
And I should be sleeping now, but I've had to clean the cooker cos she won't!!
Ok Ok I'll shut it!!
Cory, how come you can read the writing but not see the pictures? Do you make the writing really big?
Love Sandy xxx
Sandy, it all comes down to contrast. The wonderful people that run this board have made the fonts dark and bold on a lighter colored background, which is how I'm able to read the posts.
Some of the pictures that were posted are pretty dark (no contrast), so I can't make them out.
For example, the first picture that Anthony posted of he and his W was darker and very tough for me to make out. The 2nd one had better contrast and I could their features much better. With your picture, I could only make out that wonderful smile...
Take a pair of black nylons, stretch them out a bit, then look through them. That's about what I see normally.... Then do that while looking through two straws, and you'll have a pretty good idea of what I see... i.e., not much... LOL
Nothing but 100 watt bulbs in this house! Drives my W crazy....
How awful that must be for you. Is it inherited? Have you had it from birth? Is it getting worse as you get older? I assume there's nothing that can be done to fix it? Would it help if we all wrote in capital letters?
I haven't done the 'test' as I don't have any black nylons (that wouldn't be me!!) but I can only try to imagine...
xxxx
It's genetic, I have quite a few male cousins and uncles who are affected, and just as many female cousins and aunts who are carriers. It's an X linked disorder, so only men get it. Genetically speaking it's passed along just like hemophilia or the "boy in the bubble" disease.
It will get worse, eventually leading to total blindness, and no, nothing can be done about it. Matter of fact, we're anxiously awaiting the day when we get an animal model to use in research. At this point, if you try to "give" this disorder to any animal besides a human, it will kill them. For some reason, we survive and just go blind.
There are some good points. According to one my friends who I share this disorder with, the other side effects are good looks, high intelligence, and an affinity for Cap'n Morgans... Not to mention a quirky sense of humor.
If you want to read more about it, check out www.choroideremia.org
How come you got an introverted score on that other thingy? I think you cheated!! You're no introvert!!
Actually, now that I have a little time on my hands, and since everyone's into:
What do we look like
What are our personality types
What music do we like
I'm starting a new thread. Look for it on Open
xxxx
I think that's really sad, but you sound ok with it. Does the thing with Captain Morgans mean you can get blind drunk and you won't notice the difference?!
What about transplants? No, seriously? Oh, hang on, I'll go read that thing you said to read first....
Edit to add - that site didn't work properly (excuse the pun) but I did a general search and read a bit. It sounds awful.
Still wondering about transplants, cos I couldn't find anything about that, but I suspect that someone far more intelligent than me has already thought that one up.
Is that you there, Cory, the president???
Anyway, if you want, I'll leave you my eyes in my will - they're not that great since the last suicide attempt, but they're better than yours
xxxxx
PS That wasn't a ha de ha ha 'better than yours' I'm sure you know what I mean
xxxxx
This message has been edited by sandy6957 on Apr 5, 2005 12:19 PM
Sandy, the only transplants for the eyes are cornea transplants. The disorder I have is a retinal disorder. Actually, all three main layers in the back of my eye, the retina, retinal epithelium, and choroid are all affected. These parts of the eye are very much like nerve or brain tissue, and don't regenerate. The problem with a transplant is trying hook up these billions upon billions of photoreceptor cells with the optic nerve... And then what happens if the body rejects it? Too scary to consider... There are some cool things on the horizon in the field of prosthetics. I think the website is optibionics.com They're working on retinal chip implants. Very Star Trekky stuff..
Yea, I'm the Prez of that wonderful bunch of people. Up for re-election this year, and considering that no one else wants the job, I'm pretty confident I'll be Prez again next year..
It's not so bad. The good thing about this disorder is that, among retinal diseases, mine works slower than any of the others. Most people with CHM will maintain usable sight into their early 60's. I'm on the fast track, scheduled to lose what little I have left in my mid-50's.
You are such a trooper. I get sick of hearing "God would not have given you a handicapped child if he thought you couldn't handle it" so I won't say that to you :>)
Charlie, I don't look at it as a handicap. It's a speed bump. It might slow me down or divert me, but it sure as hell won't stop me.
It's kind of funny. People spends years and years of their life wondering what they are here for. I believe I figured it out about 5 years ago.
I started in martial arts when I was 12. At that time, and up until a few years ago, I had no idea that the combination of studying the arts and my eye disorder would bring me to where I am today. Even when I started developing the techniques that use a blindie cane, it was only to empower myself to begin using the damn thing.
In the spring of 2000, a bunch of people that share this disorder were all planning on meeting face to face for the first time at a blindness convention. I made a joke in an email that when I went there, I would bring some boards with me and break them for everyone, show them what a blind guy could do...
This joke ended up becoming an invitation from the convention planners to come down and do a full demonstration, and it's exploded from there. I'll be on the road for most of the summer, teaching self defense to the blind and sight impaired.
To sum it up, I believe God DID give me this eye disease for a reason. Because of my unique life, I'm able to help others that are in a similar situation.
And no, I don't make any money at it. The groups that have me come out cover my expenses. The teaching is free. I feel that I've been given a gift. Gifts are meant to be shared, in my mind...
How we went from selfish mothers and budgies to your eyes is anybody's guess, but I kind of like that about this place!!
I think I know where you're coming from on the 'getting good from bad' idea.
I've always said that the only good thing I can think of from my baby dying (after 5 hours - think you all know about this a bit, but her lungs were size of 3 month foetus when she was born, so as soon as they cut the cord she couldn't breathe) is that I learned, eventually not to be scared to talk to people about death. I don't do anywhere near the kind of 'GOOD' that you do, but I do my bit. When I know someone who has been bereaved, even if I don't know them that well, I go straight to them and hug them and 'talk' about it. I know a lot of people run away from it, and say its better to leave the person alone for a 'while' but I think I know better, and, so far, it seems to have been appreciated.
I think that's the gift I was given and why I was chosen to get the baby that died....
Of course, some would say that's rubbish, and I was just unlucky. So maybe its just that we NEED to find some good in the bad. I dunno
xxxxxxx
>>how we went from selfish mothers and budgies to your eyes is anybody's guess, but I kind of like that about this place!!>>
It's called a "thread drift" and it seems to happen quite often on these forums. And I like that about this place too. That's why (IMO) it's never a good idea to skip a thread because of it's title. You never know what you might be missing.
Sandy as for your daughter. I don't even pretend to know why things happen the way they do. I'd like to think it's because there is a "higher purpose" and we're meant to use it for good. But sometimes I have to question even that. All I know is I greatly admire people who use their experiences to reach out and help other people. Who better than someone who has been there to take the hand of someone else and help them through it?
I believe people don't know what to say sometimes in certain situations such as the death of a loved one, a handicapped child (or even affairs) so they either say nothing, or they open their mouths and "ignorance" comes out. I tend to fall in the first category. I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. Which doesn't help anyone either.
We adopted our youngest child. I've been surprised at the insensitive comments that people have made in her presence. One lady asked me once if "I loved her less because she was not my biological child." Another person asked (in front of my daughter) if her "real" mother didn't want her so that's why we adopted her. Nothing riles me more (as her mother) than insensitive comments like that.
Sandy & Cory
I admire you both a great deal for reaching out and helping other people. Even if you do talk (publicly) about what type of underwear you do (or don't) wear.
GT
Edited because I used too many words.
This message has been edited by gettingthere on Apr 6, 2005 10:31 AM
Ahhh, so you're a little shy about sharing your underwear details with us, huh???
I was reading your post about your adopted daughter and, just as you said, can't believe how insensitive people can be! Were you tempted to say 'oh, by the way, she may be abnormal, but her ears work really well - and she CAN hear you'. I have a tendency toward sarcasm with ignorant idiots.
I think I've said this before, but who cares, I'll say it again. After my baby died, people would cross the road rather than talk to me - and it was so frustrating!! I so wanted to talk about it! I wanted to tell everyone how pretty she was, and what bits of her looked like me (they weren't the pretty bits ) and, well, the whole story. And nobody would come near me, like I had the plague! Then about a month after, I was lying in my garden, sunbathing and a neighbour saw me, and said to another neighbour 'I can't believe she's out there sunbathing like nothing has happened'!!! Some people!!
But I'm not so level headed about the whole thing as I might sound. I get really bitter sometimes, usually when I see people treating their children in a way I consider badly. Like, in the supermarket, I hear them yelling all sorts of stuff, really nasty. Once I actually heard a woman saying to her child of about 2 'If you don't pack it in, I'm going to kill you'. So tempting to go up and politely ask 'Umm, why did you have her in the first place'? And I still can't fathom why people take their kids to the supermarket!! Like, do they really think its entertaining for the kids? My biggest bug is when you see the very young mothers (20 ish) taking their very little kids round the clothes shops, can they really not understand that its actually not that much fun for kids to look at dresses?
I'll shut up again now, or I'll have to edit like you did!!
Yes, that's it. I'm not comfortable discussing my underwear.
I have a close friend whose little girl died 2 days after birth. I sat with her in the hospital those two days because her husband had to fly with the child to another state to a childrens hospital. They took photos of the baby before her death and also at the funeral. No one around her could understand that. She told me once that although it was hard to do she feared she would forget what the baby looked like, and she didn't want that to happen. I bet I looked at those photos with her 50 times in the next few weeks because she said no one else wanted to see them. She also mentioned that people avoided her for a long time afterwards. I know that people sometimes don't know what to say, and they fear they will say the wrong thing. She said a simple "I'm sorry" would have been better than avoiding her.
I tend to be somewhat sarcastic when I reply to people too. But sometimes I was too blown away by their comments to respond at all. I did get to where my comments somewhat put it back in the other person's face though. Our family was introduced to a woman one time and the first thing she said was....I heard one of your children was adopted, which one was it? (You really can't tell our daughter is adopted because she looks like my husband) I turned to my children at that point and said....hmmm....I don't remember, which one of you was adopted? My children looked at one another and laughed, but didn't answer. The woman kinda walked away in a huff.
We never think about the fact that she's adopted. We've talked to her about it since day one, and she knows the whole story. She is old enough to speak for herself now and she doesn't hesitate to share her story. She did ask one time (when she was younger) why this woman called her birth mother her "real" mom. Before I could answer her one of our son's piped in and said....because she's ignorant. Guess he got my sarcastic mouth. LOL
I know that people (most of the time) mean well. Or they simply don't think about what they are saying. I've been guilty of not knowing what to say and not saying anything at all.
It's hard for me to watch people in the stores with children at times too. I've actually stepped in and asked if I could do something to help with an unruly child. I usually get a terse....it's none of your business. One of the things that hit me very hard when I finally "got it" after my affair, was that I put my children's happiness at risk. I still haven't forgiven myself for that one. Maybe when they're grown and have turned out "okay" I will. I still have dreams where they find out and want nothing to do with me.
Sorry Sandy. I think I just rambled all over your thread. But it did feel good to get all that out.
GT
This message has been edited by gettingthere on Apr 6, 2005 1:57 PM This message has been edited by gettingthere on Apr 6, 2005 1:55 PM
I believe people don't know what to say sometimes in certain situations such as the death of a loved one, a handicapped child (or even affairs) so they either say nothing, or they open their mouths and "ignorance" comes out. I tend to fall in the first category. I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. Which doesn't help anyone either.
But!! What you did with your friend who's baby died 2 days after birth was the very best thing you could have done - I reckon (or am I sposed to say IMO?) As for the photo's, if you still see that lady, tell her I'm glad for her that she has them, because I have nothing, and like she feared, I can't remember my baby's face. All I have is the little plastic wrist band they put on them when they're born.
So, well done you, because you were there for her when she needed you. And I'd say that to anyone that finds themselves in a situation like that. Go there. Be there. If you feel uncomfortable, you can be honest and ask the person if they'd rather you were there or not, that you'll do whatever is best for them. I'm sure you'll get an honest reply. I would have screamed 'STAY'!!
As for rambling all over my thread !! feel free !! Its only a thread and there's plenty more threads in the forum!!
I guess I can look at my ex as well as a speed bump. One with a purpose, such as, to get these two cute little kids into the world :>) I definitely don't feel my special needs child is a burden to me. I love him with all my heart. He is always the first one ready to give me hugs and kisses in the morning and throughout the day. Today we were enjoying the nearly 80 degree weather at the beach and he was laying on me on my blanket (and blocking my sun) just snuggling away and smiling. Yesterday, he was outside with me trying to help me plant flowers (both kids were). He tells me he likes our new house and he is just a pure joy. He can also be much more difficult than other children especially doing his homework, which is quite painful but also having to look at someone every time you talk to them can be a challenge also, esp. when they want to chat when your driving or painting etc. so I guess it all balances out. I wouldn't give either of my children up for the world. I'm just not sure way whether God purposely gave them to me not.
I do some speaking at the local college for a couple teachers there in their exceptional child, developmental psychology, and child development classes and I do enjoy talking to students about my son. Sometimes I take him in and let him show them his computer and then I'll finish after he leaves with someone. While the students really enjoy it I'm not sure that I'm really doing anything that will make a difference. They are mostly surprised that a normal person could have a child with a disability and not do anything to cause it and are also surprised how many different things can happen to your chromosomes and they are not always passed on from the parents.
Probably the best thing to come out of it is that others who hang out with us learn sign language and other kids learn to understand more about how hard it would be not to be able to talk. My friend's kids may come out with sympathy and compassion for people with challenges???
Charlie, that's one of the things that keeps me grounded as well. Just in the world of sight loss, I'm damn lucky.
Sure, I'm losing my sight. But you know, it could be a hell of a lot worse. Just off the top of my head, I can think of 5 other blindness disorders that would cause me to go blind quicker than I am.
That's bad enough. Then I think about the people that have Ushers Syndrome, where they go blind AND deaf at the same time. They communicate by doing that signing into the hands thing... VERY cool to watch. I've taught a few Usher's people in self defense, one of whom is a lawyer!
I have a cousin who has Downs Syndrome. It's funny, they told my uncle that he'd be lucky to live to the age of 17. He'll be celebrating his 28th birthday in June.. And at 28, he's still a lovable kid...
So for me, it's easy to be upbeat about things...
I'm either an eternal optimist or the epitomy of the phrase, "Ignorance is bliss". I'm not sure which one yet.. LOL
The budgie - Broadie. I love him already!! But how do I know if he's ok? He doesn't seem to drink much water. I've got 3 poles in his cage which came with the cage, and I've just put one in that's a branch of elder, that I read they like. He's got budgie seed and grit and two seed sticks, one orange and one kiwi. He chirps a bit, and he scampers round his cage. I put my hand in to stoke him, and he's ok with that, but if I poke my finger in, he bites ( and it bloody hurts!) and I read that if they bite its cos they're frightened, but I talk all nice to him. I let him out today. Shut the door and curtains, he walked onto my hand and I put him on my shoulder. He nibbled at my hair (didn't bite) and then flew to various high places in the room, and just sat there. His poo is white with black bits. I know!! This isn't the place for this conversation. I just want to know if I'm doing everything right for him. He's so sweet.
