I've had it, truly had it. Not with my H, but with all the crap that life is throwing at me! My emotions have been reeling for a long time, and in the last 2 weeks have gone bonkers! Let's go down the list, shall we? (I understand if you don't want to read my whine...but I can't sleep...I need to VENT!)
1. Good friend found a lump, it's cancer, surgery, chemo and radiation to come. She's a mom of young kids.
2. A friend's mom has cancer and it is everywhere. I rarely talk to this friend but felt the 'urge' to call her.(we had a falling out due to A issues) Understandably she is devastated.
3. H tells me last week that OW will be back from her leave and be back to work. Day 1 she is at work, she's on conference call with others and my H. Lucky she lives out of state. Positive: H told me these things.
4. Best friend...I mean, like 25yrs + best friend calls me Tuesday night - her H has been having an affair...d-day for her. I grabbed my stuff and left to find her. Just got back from spending 3 hours with her. I had no idea what to say. I listened, I cried...she is like my sister.
When I got to her she was numb and sitting alone in a parking lot. I didn't know what to say....so I listened. I was watching her and I could literally see the emotions running across her face, is that how i looked? She asked me, what do I do? I want to ask questions, but do I want to know..just a series of questions that she didn't really want me to answer...but listen to. It was breaking my heart to see her dealing with this.
So, I listened. I cried with her, I cried for her, I cried for me. H is afraid that helping her through this will continue to set me back. He is concerned for me.
She questioned her H again last night and got more answers...not anything she was looking for...but at least some answers. So we sat in my family room, and just looked at each other. We have shared so much in our lives...went to school together, stood up in each others weddings...were there when our babies' were born and she was here for me when my H's A came to light.
So, now I pay it forward. I have always told the couple that helped me through those first few days that I could never repay them; but I could always pay it forward. And now, my 'close as a sister' friend needs me to pay it forward for her. I can do this, right?
Yep...you can do this. And even when you "can't" you "can". Does that make sense? You don't have to solve or fix anything here, just listen and offer your support when you can. Hell...a kind word goes a long way. Just acknowledging someone else's misfortune can mean the world to someone. Sometimes, maybe a lot of times, people just wanna know someone hears them. That's what friends are for right?
Yes, you can do this. Tex is right. Listening to someone can sometimes be all they need from you. And who better to listen than someone who has been there? It sounds like you are already being a good friend Dee. And I'm sure your friend feels fortunate to have you there for her at this time.
>>I have always told the couple that helped me through those first few days that I could never repay them>>
To me paying it forward is the best way we can repay the people who were there/here for us.
You have a lot of wisdom and insight to offer your friend. You can do this.
... I bet you can do this. Your h is probably right too - it will probably be painful for you as well. My bet is that in the long run, it will help you to help your friend a thousand times more than it hurts you. It might help you more than it helps your friend.
"Hell...a kind word goes a long way. Just acknowledging someone else's misfortune can mean the world to someone. Sometimes, maybe a lot of times, people just wanna know someone hears them."
DeeDee, you CAN do this, and I believe you'll do well. All you have to do is think back to your own early days and you'll know what your friend needs: An ear, a shoulder, and by example, you're showing that you CAN get past that huge trauma of discovery.
I must slightly disagree with Quinn... It CAN be hurtful, and like your H feels, it CAN drag you backwards. However, you CAN look at your friend, realize that that is where you were, and then look at yourself to see where you are NOW. From that 2nd perspective, it can HELP you as well as your friend.
Dee.........TEX IS RIGHT.YOU CAN DO IT...sorry for the yeling
Now Tex....just watch out for those meds...I almost became addicted to Percocet....I have been off them now for two weeks........very addictive!
Big hugs for dee...........(((((((((DEE)))))))))))
James
The way a man dies is not as important as the way he lived
