We had our MC appt last night. The Dr thinks that it's best that we not meet for a month so I can get myself "straight" with myself. He left it open to us that if we felt that we needed to get in there or if my H needed to talk that he'd be available, but as he said, I have three appts this week and he doesn't want to innondate us with tons of appointments to keep, feeling that it might be just as stressful rather than helpful. My H seems to agree. I'm a bit nervous, but we have gone three weeks, I suppose four can't be that much worse. I still have my psychiatry appt for meds tomorrow, I'm just having trouble finding a sitter. Although H said that he'd leave work early for it (which is a big effort considering all the stress that he's under there.

H is really trying. He's upbeat and trying to keep me sane and focused. He listens to me when I start on a tangent and holds me when I'm bawling my eyes out. He apologizes for not having time at work to help me through key parts of the day, but he e-mails me and leaves me soapy notes on the shower door.

Last night was a bit hard, rehashing some stuff, disecting some issues with her, but we worked through it. At one point he said that I went into the bathroom to take my contacts out and came out a different person, asking questions and disecting. I told him that I feel the same way about him, he went to work last year and came home a different person. He understands now.

Wanted to let you know (if anyone reads this one) that I went to the psychiatrist today and he has prescribed Zoloft (50 mg) for a few weeks. I go back in 3 weeks for a check up. He's hoping that it will get me over the "hump," saying that it seems that my H has just hit a "snag" and faltered a bit, but that at least he didn't take a leap. (Yup really uplifting - I've been in a bad mood all day and couldn't find a good thing about me at all, my H was on the phone with me a lot telling me all the good things about me, and I would come back with more that just wasn't "perfect." It's been a tough one.). I think he knew that I wasn't "buying" it, but tried to be positive anyway.

After the session, my H called and asked if I wanted to meet him since I was closer to his work than home. I agreed, then got to his work just in time for the shift change and was talking to a lot of people that he works with that know me. It was fun. Then she walked out and she seemed pissed. She didn't say a word to anyone (funny thing was, no one said anything to her either). She walked to her car and then sat there for 20 min. My H came out while she was still in her car and talked to everyong with me for a while. He didn't know that she was still there, he thought that she had left before I got there, since I got there a bit after everyone got off from work (she usually bolts at the end of the day). Then she left, and a couple minutes later her best friend (the trouble maker) came out. She didn't seem happy to see me either, then got in her car and left. I found it all somewhat amuzing. After they all left, he asked to use my phone (to see if they left him any messages), not a single message. But then on his way home, he said that the best friend called him to complain about another co-worker, and made some comment like "I wanted to talk to you after work, but noticed that you were spending time with your wife." He thought that she would be making some other comment, but didn't. He's anxious to see what will happen tomorrow, as am I. He also said that he had to put the OW on a job that she didn't particularly like today, but she dealt with it just fine. He asked how I was doing, if I was handling it all well, and I said that I was, it was kind-of funny how it all happened.

Funny thing is, she's not this exotic goddess that I had thought that she was, and he had even told me so. Still doesn't make me feel better about what had happened.