I've read several threads that the story lines in the posts seem to suggest that women (in general) seem to take on a competitive spirit when after the same guy even after the guy has cheated. They want to stay married to a bad husband, win him back, fight the OW for him, OW wants to take him from his wife and kids or girlfriend. You (or maybe just I) can see a difference how betrayed men explain their stories as opposed to how betrayed women explain their stories as though they were competing.

The question is: Do women see a relationship with a man as a competition with other women?

what a great question! although i do take some offence at taking my nick in vane eg competative spirit haha.

mm i think initially we all fight for what we believe is ours, human nature i guess, and maybe girls are worse or more vicious at it than boys, not sure, be interesting to see what others say.

for me i just know i dont lose easily and i am very good at holding revenge until the appropriate time, years even.

but a good question - what do you think?
hugs
kath

edited to add
Do women see a relationship with a man as a competition with other women?

i must say, and i could be struck from the sisterhood for admitting this, but for some strange reason an older unattached man can at times seem different to an older attached man. whether this is because we think "mm unattached what is wrong with him?" versus "mm attached safe to chat to!" i dont know.

come on girls be honest
kath

H2C,

I do not think there is a big gender difference.

Men fight over women and for women.

Women may tend to write and talk more. Women may be more cunning than men primarily due to their (general) physical strength disadvantage and conditioning.

Hi H2C

Hmmmmmmm...Let me think....

Maybe you will think I am in denial...but I don't think of H as "a bad husband"...I think he got screwed up for a brief period of the 18 years that I have known him...I think he had issues that he never dealt with before...so I don't think I was/am fighting for a bad husband...On the other hand, maybe he is and I just don't want to admit it...I do know that if it happens again, I will admit to myself that for whatever reason he does not love me as I need to be loved or that he finds the thrill of other women too exciting to turn down, and at that point, I will NOT be fighting for him...I will have to move on because THEN it will be evident that he is a bad husband and not what I want for the rest of my life...

Just from my observation, though, it does seem like OW often differ from OM in that OWs seem more frequently to be desperately searching for a husband....where OM, at least from what I have read seem more likely to be searching for some sex and excitement...OM seem more likely to also be married, whereas more OW seem to be single...Therefore, I think the OW may sometimes seem a bigger threat to a marriage because she is more likely to want more from the WS than the OM does...Again, this is just my observations...I definately know this is not always the case...and it is definately not scientific...

As for competition between women...I definitely think that women are socialized to believe they are ok if they have a man, whereas men are more socialized to believe they are ok based on their successes in the world, such as their career, hobbies, acheivements...Recently I took an adolescent psych class and read a lot about how middle school girls are often so catty because their esteem is based on their social status, such as who likes them and what guys they "can get'....teenage boys though find their esteem in arenas such as sports, humor, acheivement, and even "scoring" with girls as opposed to being loved by girls...

.....Do women see a relationship with a man as a competition with other women?....

I would like you to define "relationship" - I can only assume (oh I hate this word) you may be referring to a sexual relationship?

I do not see much difference between genders. And as generalities go, men posture more... "I am going to XYZ", women may defend their way of life, their children, their home.

Conditioning is different from day one.... good or bad.. that's the way boys and girls are raised.





And as you walk you make your path Kat

<<The question is: Do women see a relationship with a man as a competition with other women?>>

H2C

Interesting that you ask. Some women see it as a competition and some are like me. LOL In our case, OW saw it as a competition.

I'm gonna cut and paste a litte note OW wrote to me and my response to it, which happened a day or two after I caught ex & OW's affair. Here's what she said to me after I told her thanks for causing a divorce (which didn't actually happen until a year and a half later BTW):

"....hope you're happy you probably caused one too (she said this because I called her H and told him about the A)....don't worry though....I'll be watching your kids for you...because if I lose my husband, I'm coming after yours!!!! That's one battle I will not lose...."

and for my response:

"It's always amazing how the victims in scenarios like this are made out to be the bad guys. Your husband had every right to know. Why should I be the only one in pain and I'm not saying that your husband should be either--he's a victim like me. Furthermore, you can have "Insert OW's pet name for ex", I don't want him anymore! He has had too many addictions throughout our marriage for me to even want him. He's a loser! I am attractive and smart and get hit on often, although, I have more integrity and wouldn't do that to him. I'm sure you've only heard the wonderful stuff and not how abusive he is. I'm sure he looks damn good to you and YOU MAY HAVE HIM!"

So, no I did NOT fight for him:>) I was ready to hand him over to her, they would have made a great couple. LOL

Charlie