Have to go to a wedding 6 August, with husband and Mum. I just hate weddings these days. I know that I'm still bitter and I can't help it, but my H will be sitting next to me and when they say their vows, I just know I'm going to 'tut' under my breath or whisper 'until one of them changes their minds'. I know I will, and I know I'll say it for my H's benefit, and only he will hear. And I know he'll whisper to me 'I'm sorry' and I know I'll think 'easy to say not so easy to mean'. I can't help myself. I'm bitter and I know it, but I can't stop it.
Everyone else who's going to the wedding is talking about what they're going to wear. I couldn't care less. My friend was here at the weekend, and took my Mum out to buy her outfit. I was asked what I'd wear. I said 'whatever they've got at the charity shop' (do you have charity shops? Basically, second hand stuff that people give away so the charity can make money). And then I said there's no point in spending loads on something I'll never wear again (which is true, don't go to many weddings) especially as it will probably end in divorce in a few years time anyway. Add to that the person getting married is my 2nd cousin whom I've met about 4 times in his life and never met his future wife. I just don't want to go, am thinking of calling in sick and just hate weddings.
I know I should pull myself together and all that stuff but I haven't and aint going to by 6 Aug, so, I'd just like to know if anyone else feels the same and has anyone got a huge dress they can send me???? Size 20 England which is basically, massive xxxx
I can relate... I never liked going to weddings.... I can count on one hand the number of times I went to one...and those were for very close friends... I don't do weddings ... don't really know why...
Actually, I think the only reason we were invited was to transport my Mum there. My brothers haven't been invited. So, apart from feeling a bit 'used' and not really wanted, I have all this other crap going on in my head. Anyone know of a painless way to break a leg or something?
I wouldn't even spend money on a thrift (charity shop) dress if you really don't want to go anyway. Wear whatever you've got.
I remember going to my (former) H's friend's wedding about one year after a big DDay, and I remember how much I did NOT enjoy it. And another one 1 month after the H moved out. That one was awful too. BUT I did pretty much enjoy my nephew's wedding last year. It would have been better, but my dad was failing fast and we all knew that that would be his last shindig ever -- this side of eternity, anyway.
So, for me, the emotional reaction to weddings in general did get better.... Jean
P.S. Edited to change "where" to "wear" -- OMG, and I tell people I'm a writer? Uh huh.....right.....
This message has been edited by Jean150 on Jul 16, 2005 8:46 AM
I have to go to a wedding for a coworker on sept 3rd. We are very close and therefore I feel bad if I don't go. However I have not been to one since mine..........so you can imagine the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I think I have decided that I will not attend the service but will go to the reception to celebrate with the other guests. I hope this isn't seen as being rude, but I will also explain to my coworker that wedding ceremonies leave a bad taste in my mouth these days.
Maybe some day I will get there..........but I have a very jaded view of marriage now.
Just had my neice's wedding a couple of weeks ago. It was really tough since my WS told me about the affair just before we got on the plane to return from my daughter's wedding. Now I have lots of reasons to have trouble at weddings.
Had to go to my niece's wedding however as I am now living in the 3rd floor apartment at my brother's house.
At this time, I would avoid any wedding I could get out of. I have the same thoughts you do right now about the vows - they really mean "until it seems like something better comes along". Good luck -Rob
In the first year or so after d-day I hated going to weddings. And I had quite a few of them at that time. I hated weddings, parties, dinners -- anything where there was even a suggestion of happy couples having a good time.
I just thought I was such a loser with all these happy people around me dancing and holding hands and having pleasant conversation with each other while myself and my husband could barely manage to say "pass the bread please".
I found however increasing enjoyment later when I started to go to parties on my own (esp with no family around). I would just have a great time especially when going with other available women who had no dates. We would drink, dance, swap stories and it was great.
After a while though once I started not caring about HINO anymore I began to have a good time even if he was there. I'd drink, eat and dance as much as I please and woe to him if he said a peep (which he never has lucky for him).
I have a family wedding which I cannot miss coming up in a month. I'm not really as jazzed up about this one not so much because HINO will be there but because I'm feeling a bit "large" right now. I've gained some weight over the winter and I have a bit too much around the waist right now. But in anticipation I've started exercising and walking and cut my portions. Mainly so that I can actually manage to find something that fits in the stores!!
I think I know how you're feeling. We have a wedding to go to on July 23rd. The parents have been good friends of ours for over 20 years, there is no way we can NOT go. I too am afraid I will make snide comments to my husband during vows or break down and cry. Truth be told, I will probably do BOTH!!! Thing is, it will be especially difficult because my husband was deep into his affair when our son got married last fall. When I asked my H how he could have done that when we were preparing for the wedding and then afterwards, he said, "That was when he started thinking about breaking it off." Problem was, it took him 4 months from that time to break off the PHYSICAL part of the affair and he kept up contact with her for 4 more months!!!
This stuff insinuates itself into every aspect of your life. It's no wonder we have difficulty functioning in day to day life now.
mm weddings, well one of the tough things for me is that on the side i have been known to be an MC for weddings, and since stuff happened with hubby (we are engaged not married) i have had to do a couple!
but i have got through them by thinking, this is about them not me, and worrying about crying cause everyone cries at weddings!
just think of all the money they are wasting on the reception etc etc etc haha
mind you i nearly did lose the plot about a year ago. H's sister and mum etc invited us out for dinner for mother's day, for all us mum's. H's sister has two children with her first husband and a son from her then current relationship. so we went along to the dinner and met everyone outside, but they were extra dressed up, when i commented to sister's partner he looked a bit posh he gave me a silly grin. sister then said "surprise, we got married today!". i couldnt believe it i thought i was going to die on the spot!!! nobody knew, not even their mum, they just did it with the kids and used the mother's day dinner as a rouse to get us all together and celebrate!. well of course i cried, but said they were tears of joy haha. fortunately one of the other party was having a fight with his girlfriend at the time and performing terribly about it haha, so he was a handy diversion for me.
at that time i was on the wagon but i had a drink, everyone said, "oh kath are you drinking again??" i said 'of course this is a celebration!" haha
by the time we left on the way home i thought i would throw up and not from the booze.
sometimes stuff happens hey.
good luck with the wedding, let us know how it goes
hugs
kath
For a moment I thought we are going to the same wedding. One of my cousin is getting marry on Aug 6 as well but we are across the ocean from you.
Summer weddings are not fun at all, way too hot to be dress up in proper outfits. Alas, I have 30 first cousins and we are all one or two years apart. Since 1989, I have been to at least one wedding every summer, I think we are getting to the younger ones now-almost done!
I usually wear whatever that's cool in my closet, I realized that a few years ago, no one cares what I am wearing.
I'm not a cool dude, so don't have anything cool to wear... joke. Sorry. You're right, nobody will care what I wear, it's just that most of my relatives are, well, not rich, but have a lot more money than me. This wedding is my cousin's son, I'm his godmother. My cousins are all like double cousins, cos my Mum and Dad married a brother and sister. Two brothers married two sisters, if you know what I mean. So, the cousin who's the mother of the groom is going to be well tarted up and her sister is the queen of Glam and is wearing some designer make I've never even heard of Georgio Armani or something. I've looked in the charity shops but they only have Walmart equivalent, not quite the same, I don't think!! I did find a Jaques Verte or however you spell it in a knock down price shop but I looked like a wedding cake gone wrong. Think I'll wear the shorts I wore on holiday....
Edit to add pic of what I thought I might wear. Comments please - good, bad and in the middle xxxhttp://www.network54.com/Realm/tmp/1121363029.JPG
This message has been edited by sandy6957 on Jul 14, 2005 1:44 PM
Yes, I know. I was trying to explain to the 87 year old what button to press!! I also thought I'd have my hair done and wear a bit of make up, but how will it compare to the designer suits and hats of the snob team?
Sandy: I just want to tell you that I love your sense of humor and your courage to go about life.
Now, I have been told a time or two that I dress well, and people take me shopping with them if you can imagine, so here is my take on this: The outfit is fine for a wedding or any event, but I would suggest....that you get a very sexy dress to wear with those shoes...you know, something that shows off your obvious assets, if you know what I mean. Show off your body in a sexy but modest way....Oprah dresses this way, I think. Princess Di dressed that way. You are worried about the wedding, so if you look smashingly good you will feel good too. Do something different. Shock all those rellies a bit. "Wow, Sandy, You look fabulous." Only wear black to a wedding if it is a strappy little dress with a cover over. Maybe you could find one of THOSE. You say you are getting your hair done, perhaps you would like to get it streaked (lightened in places) for a little extra zip.
Keep in mind I am a risk-taker though, and my sister, who is very conservative, would not go shopping with me, though her daughters are both VERY stylish. But my sis is 10 years younger and sometimes people think she is the older sister.
I think one thing women do after a difficult relationship when they are very bruised is hide away and cover up and protect themselves..I did this for years. Not any more.
Good luck, hope I didn't take too many liberties with advice.
Well thank you for this positive advice. However, if you could see my legs (stand by for that one!!) you would not suggest a dress, I think....
Wait for legs pic (and don't eat before looking)
I like the outfit! And if you're worried about fitting in with the hat-and-glove-wearing crowd, then you might want to add a nice necklace and perhaps some bangles and earrings. Of course go to the hair-dresser and get a really up-to-date hairdo and some high heels. If you don't normally wear high heels, this year the "in thing" seems to be those wedgie type sandals that look good and are easy to walk in as well.
The other thing I personally rely upon a great deal -- foundation garments!!! Yes indeed a good tight bodysuit underneath the outfit to just keep everything a little less "jiggly" if you know what I mean!!!!
True by the end of the evening when I take the thing off it feels as though I were getting myself out of sausage casings but at least I looked great all night!!!
Thanks everyone for taking the time to try and help me out here! The fashion here at the moment is those hipster skirts and trousers with tops that just about cover up boobs. I thought about taking a photo of my belly to show you all why I won't be wearing that stuff, but looking at the time, I realise it must be around tea time for you guys and I don't want to be responsible for your being violently ill.
I can't possibly wear those truss you up pull you in things, one, because it has to come out somewhere! and two because if nothing else, I intend to stuff myself at the foodie part!!
Wait til Judy sees my legs, she'll change her mind about the dress idea!
I'm off to see if I can find a 'Tents R Us' in the phone book xxxxxxxxxx
Sandy, you have sexy legs....I say show em' off with a bit of a swirl around the hem of the dress that's all the go over here now. Sexiness really doesn't have as much to do with body looks as it does with attitude. We have been so conditioned to be anorexic, but I find that most men really like curves (and a smile).,,this from someone who has been single and dating since 1991!!. I am a big farm girl, over 5'9" and not thin, but damnit I have fun and dress that way. When I wear heels I am 6' tall. I never even had a date in highschool except for one guy because I was taller than all of them.
You are a very attractive gal with a great attitude....show yourself off at the wedding and send photos please!!! Who knows who might be there.
You guys are just so great. Look, I'm not on a fishing for compliments thing here, I'm just being realistic. My legs are awful, veins and rice pudding (I believe its called cellulite) everywhere. Aint worn a dress since about 5 stone ago. Just to prove it, here's another pic and don't tell me they're sexy cos they aint. Just tell me my trousers are fine... please!!!
Sandy: Rice pudding??? Never have I heard that. LOL.
I grew up watching my mom cover her legs because she had really bad viens. She would die before she ever wore shorts. She has never had a swimming suit on in her life (so sad). My sister and I did not inherit "great" legs either,by Hollywood standards, and my sister has now stopped wearing shorts. I have very healthy legs and that is what is important to me: being able to hike 10 miles or get to the top of a mountain or dance for four hours at a stretch. Would I wear a mini-skirt to a wedding? Well, perhaps on a dare... if it was a night wedding or if I could wear some of those fish-netty hose that are in my dresser.
Have you ever looked at the guys' legs shopping in Walmart? ohmygod and there they are in those see-through shorts with knee-high black socks and white sandals. And they could give a rip.
You wear what you feel comfortable wearing, Sandy. That's what counts, sorry to push you!!!
Don't be sorry for pushing! When I ask for advice, it's because I want it, and I am grateful for it, and if this were a proper one to one conversation, I could interrupt and say 'yeah but', which you can't on here, so that's fine.
Fish nets? If I wore them, the rice pudding would poke through the holes!!
You probably haven't heard the term rice pudding for cellulite because its a Sandyism. I have lots of them, you'll discover them from time to time. Like 'lazy's foot' is Sandy's version of athletes foot. You'll learn em!!
Anyway, the trousers are a go, right? And thank you for your patience, my dear friend xxxxx
Edit to say, I had the veins operated on, full removal on both legs, because they hurt and I was getting ulcers, you can just about see a few of the scars. They don't hurt anymore, just look like spaghetti junction - do you know what that is?
This message has been edited by sandy6957 on Jul 14, 2005 5:12 PM
Can't figure out how to get it on here, but this will take you to a photo of it. It's near Birmingham (England) and people are scared to death of it, cos they think they'll get lost and go the wrong way!!
First, as to the clothing thing, I say wear whatever YOU feel comfortable in. Heck, I'd go to weddings in jeans and a T-shirt if my wife would let me. My brother-in-law does it all the time and no one blinks twice. But, my wife won't let me... Oh sure, she SAYS "wear whatever you want", but her eye's tell a whole different story...
I know women worry more about this stuff than guys do. My wife wastes 10-20 minutes EVERY morning trying to pick out her clothes for the day. They're the same clothes she always has, and she thought she looked fine in them last week. But today, it's a crisis she can't figure out... Sometimes she'll even get dressed, realize she doesn't have the right shoes, and the whole process starts over again. I go in, pull the first shirt I can find off the hanger, grab my jeans, socks, and undies and I'm outta there. Takes me less than a minute.
If YOU are comfortable, you'll be happier, and will be able to enjoy yourself more. Wear pants with elastic, and you can take all you want from that buffet table...
As for your legs, don't worry about them, they look fine. So you're not supermodel material, who cares. If you look close enough, you'll find blemishes on anyone, even those "perfect" supermodels (and I bet they're just as self conscious about their looks). Besides, I doubt many people will be looking at your legs as close as you have those pictures. If they do, consider yourself lucky!
I don't know why, but this reminds me of a little story:
Many years ago my wife and I lived in an apartment on the other side of the county. We had this gal who would walk up and down our street, wearing only a bikini. Catching a glimpse of her each day was one of the few advantages of living in that apartment. We had never met her, and just referred to her as "bikini girl". She was just this hot looking babe that went for walks every day in a bikini. This went on every summer for years. Ironically, the day we were moving out, I finally met the gal up close. Oh my God, this was the ugliest girl I had ever seen. A very unattractive face, ratty looking hair, a bit overweight, and ugly feet. My wife and I still laugh about it today, how we thought this gal was so beautiful having watched her for years from a distance. But, she walked proudly, always had a smile, and had a certain confidence about her. It didn't matter what she looked like. And, until we got our faces right up next to her, we thought she was sexy too...
Actually, that reminds me of another story:
A few years ago, we went bowling with my sister-in-law. I'm sitting there waiting my turn to play, when I catch a glimpse of this beauty a couple of lanes over. Dainty hands stroking beautiful long flowing hair, a thin figure, very seductive movements, sexy legs, and a very nice butt! I'm practically drooling when this knockout stands up and turns around....... with a full beard and mustache! Yep, I had just spent the last few minutes checking out a guy. Of course, my wife, niece, and sister-in-law were watching the whole thing and started cracking up laughing. To this day, they still give me a hard time about it...
The moral of these stories? I don't know.... Maybe I should stop checking out women so much.
More importantly, looks aren't everything. Just be happy, confident, and comfortable.
I think I'm getting the message now! Still gonna wear the trousers with the elastic waistband so I can stuff myself full of food, though!! And wine!!
I suppose its a confidence/jealousy thing, but, there you go, that's the scars I bear of the battle.
Thank you all for your time, and if anyone threw up at my pics, I don't wanna know!!!!!!!!
now i like the trousers and top, maybe a gold necklace and some earings, but i looks lovely. i love the colour and it looks comfy, which is what i am into!!
i am also trouser or shorts girl myself, i think i was born in black trousers haha.
how come your legs are so brown, god mine a lilly white!
anthony, i love your description of the wife trying to work out what to wear, especially as the clothes are the same as she had last week and was happy with haha.
Cheers mate!! Legs are brown from the holiday in The Algarve (did you ever find it on the map?) cos I wore shorts there, as nobody knew me, and there were even worse legs than mine floating around!!
Yes, I think Anthony's wife getting dressed is funny too! But I'm more like him - trousers, they'll do. T shirt, that'll do, if I go out I put a bra on, at home, who wants to be trussed up like a turkey ready for Xmas dinner!
edit slpeling erorr
This message has been edited by sandy6957 on Jul 15, 2005 4:43 PM
haha i was just reading and showing this to H, because i thought it was such a funny post, not your clothes, but just the stories.
anyway when we were reading antony's bit about the guy, H laughed and said at work recently three of the drivers were lined up in the sign out room. from behind they all looked the same, same uniform, long blonde hair. one of the other drivers came in with H and said "hey check out the girl in the middle with the cute butt!" that was the only male out of the three standing there hahahahaha
oh and H said you had nice legs! congrats (good thing you are 15,000 miles away haha- joking mate)
But blokies can reply if they have any useful information. Has anyone ever worn those stick on bra's? I saw some today, it looks like you peel the sticky backing off and well, stick them on. This would be good for me cos I hate wearing bra's cos the straps are always too tight even if they're elasticated. Only thing that worries me is that I like dancing - and when I dance, I sweat - so!!!!!!!!! Are they gonna slip down and fall off? Has anyone got any experience of them, if you know the kind of things I'm talking about?
This message has been edited by sandy6957 on Jul 15, 2005 5:13 PM
I didn't mean to offend anyone by this, I really was looking for help, and wondered if anyone had used these things.
But if you think its inappropriate, you moderators are welcome to delete it, maybe just leave the words, so I can get some feedback?
Love Sandy xxx
I've tried those and they stink! Uncomfortable and don't give you a good shape. I put them off and ripped them right back off. I also hate strapless bras b/c they won't stay up.
I remember thinking that this girl I knew was so darned pretty and I may have even been a little jealous of her back then. One night me and a bunch of party goers all spent the night at her parents house after drinking a bit too much (this was when I was younger). The next morning we woke up and she didn't have her make up on and I couldn't believe how much worse she looked to me. I have never worn a great deal of make up, just eye liner and lipstick mostly but she had her entire face caked in it every day and when it was off, she was no longer even pretty.
I find it simply amazing what this make up did for her. I also never felt jealous of her looks ever again. I would be saddened to have to wear that much make up and maybe even pitied her.
The only thing better than reading your colorful posts would be HEARING you say these words with your (I'm sure) colorful accent...any way to get microphones here Q?
Or maybe, Sandy, we will just have to hear you in person....you are invited to visit "up north" any time so I can show you around and we can all benefit from your "Sandyisms."
On those paste on things...how can they hold anything UP unless there is some kind of twine that goes around your neck? Forget it, duct tape (ya'all have that there?)would work as well, hurt just as much, and then you could spend the $$$ on a bottle of really good wine.
Up north? So you live in Scotland???? I'd love to come and visit everyone!! I like to make people laugh, and the best is when they laugh at my expense. I don't go in much for jokes at other people's expense, unless its RW Rat recipes....
If there is a way of doing a microphone thingy, I'm up for it, just need one of those clever sods to tell us what to do, but hey!! I figured out the posting of photos and I NEVER thought I'd do that!! Mind you, it did involve me spending £150 on a digital camera just so I could do it!!! Well, OK, I bought it for myself, too.
SO you don't rate the plastic hold em ups?!! I asked the girl in the shop to show me how they worked and after she looked at me all funny (and checked I had a wedding ring) she entered the changing room with me. I said 'I'm not shy, I know they look like balloons that have been left so long that the air has escaped'. She said you have to 'push them (your boobs) up and then stick the sticky things on, so they're 'up'.I think I got that bit. I'm only worried that if I dance and sweat they'll fall off or slip, or worse still, ONE of them would!!! It makes you feel like hanging free like the men do.
Charlie - that story made me feel quite good cos I never wear make up, not any, just moisturiser, but I would for a wedding, but in every day life - nothing at all. And it makes you feel kinda good that people say 'you don't need it' - maybe cos I'm usually quite tanned. Hate lipstick, and if I ever wear it, it ends up on my arms, blouse, hands: everywhere cept my lips xxxxxx
