I can't believe I did that. He called earlier today, while I was at work, and left a message on my machine -- that he really appreciated the good job I was doing raising our children, that our children were better behaved than many/most he has been around lately (maybe another woman's children? haha....) and that he just wanted to call and tell me that while he was thinking of it -- and that he had often thought that and didn't tell me enough. He said he didn't want me to think that he was taking what I do for granted, because he says he doesn't.
Wow.
I don't know why (well, maybe I do...I was touched.....touched in the head, maybe) but I called called him back tonight and told him that I appreciated his call (freaked me out is more like it, but I didn't tell him that). Then we got to talking a lot (the first time we've done THAT together since he left in 2001) -- particularly because I have some big issues with the neighbors next door and he just got me at a weak time, because I was ready to blow -- I was so mad about the neighbors. And I told the ex that I was ready to move, but I didnt' know how to go about it, or even if I could. Then I said, later in the conversation that, if we were still together, that we wouldn't be living here in this house like I still am with the children and so, even tho I forgave him to the best of my ability, I am still a bit angry about that -- the situation that I'm in because of his decisions.
After we were talking some more, I told him that it's nice that we're talking, but that I probably won't continue in the same way, as I have to keep my boundaries up, because of his decision to leave the marriage, even tho I forgave him for his infidelity and wanted him to come back. I told him I never figured on being friends with an ex-husband because, for one, I never planned on having an ex-husband in the first place. He said he sort of understood. It was a good conversation, but at the same time, it stirred up some feelings that I'd rather not have.
Well, if in doubt - don't. So maybe tonight just relax and don't do anything much. Just take it easy and visit here if you need to talk. Have some YOU time.
Love to you, Sandy xxx
I'm pissed and shaky tonight. I want to be left alone. Neighbors keep using my driveway. People keep dying on me. The ex freaks me out with a compliment that, actually, means a lot to me. And I'm all discombobulated.
"they had peanuts and ice cream for dinner (I did too.)"
I had to laugh at that because sometimes I do stuff like that for dinner. Not much, but there are those very lazy, I'll do whatever I wanna do, days :>) The other night we had a turkey and cheese night with no bread. One of my kids wanted turkey and cheese, no bread and the other wanted turkey and bread & ketchup to dip them in and no cheese.
Not tonight though. I made spaghetti sauce tonight (enough for an army) and froze most of it and also cooked up a chicken for this weekend.
"I love it, I love it, I love it, I do. I love it so much. More than me? More than you." Can anyone name that book? LOL I'm sure those with young kiddies can.
Jean
I know how it can be somewhat confusing seeing the "good" in your ex as I've been seeing a lot of lately in mine. The good thing for me to do to remind myself of how awful he was and how lucky I am to be away from him, is to go back to old e-mails to each other and see all the crappy things he did to me. Also he hasn't even seen his kids for about 1 1/2 weeks because he was away for a few days and now has been back for a week and because he is supposed to have them this weekend, he hasn't called for the 5 days he's been back. He is in a brand new job and says he is working heavy hours and I know that isn't the truth.
It makes me realize how much of a priority his kids are and how little of a priority nearly anyone in his life was back then. I'm glad to be away from someone that selfish. My BF is absolutely amazed that my ex hasn't called to see his children yet. He just doesn't understand being away from your children that long and not missing them - a different kind of man for sure.
Anyway, don't forget the awful things he did, it seems to help me keep my distance from him a bit. But keeping your relationship civil certainly makes things better for the kids.
I know how you're feeling Jean. I live with my HINO and so I know alot about confusing messages and feelings.
One minute I'm seeing pics of his lover I wasn't supposed to see -- the next minute he's encouraging me to go out and do something nice for myself while he stays with the kids for a few hours. Its confusing.
But then again, no one is ever all good or all bad. Human beings are a wonderful, complex blend of strengths and weaknesses.
(That's why you always see those shocked neighbours on the news who can't believe how that nice man next door could be a serial killer...)
We all have good and bad qualities but the point is, are the bad qualities acceptable to us and how do they fit within our framework of morals and principles? My husband is a great father and I will tell him and anyone openly that this is the case. But he's an unfaithful, deceitful husband and all the friendly gestures and compliments he gives me won't change that fact.
I also understand the friendliness and the confusion over it. As soon as we had our separation agreement signed back then all tension between the two of us ended and it seemed he wanted to be my friend. He even told me that he wanted my friendship when we were splitting up, which was weird. I do, however, realize that real friends do not cheat on you, lie to you and divorce you. LOL
I hope you're feeling better today and had a good night's sleep after your healthy dinner - nuts are good for you, I read it somewhere. Did you put the nuts in the ice cream?
Anyway, bad for you food is good sometimes. Has anyone ever NOT gone to the bakers and brought a fresh warm loaf and eaten it before you got it home?
When I was a kid, my Mum tried to make me eat meat and 3 veg every day. I'd put it in my mouth and start chewing and when she wasn't looking, gave it to the dog. Never got caught, either!
Hope the chat goes well or the kids could be getting fairy floss and chips.... oh, sorry, I think you call it candy floss and french fries. Candy floss, that stuff you get at fairgrounds which is all sugary and fluffy - and quite yummy
I thought I was the only one who was flunking mother-of-the-year with weird dinners. Hey, chocolate mousse has eggs and cream so it's a good source of calcium and protein right? And these here strawberries on top make up my five-a-day. And, yes, I know the correct red wine to serve with chocolate mousse on a long day -LOTS OF IT! hehehehe
FWIW, I just moved from a place that had neighbors that thought my driveway was their driveway. Drove me effing nuts (not the kind one serves with ice cream!). The guy had three large trucks, a trailer, a camper, a motorcycle, and for a while, a small sedan. One night, I had to knock on his door at 10:30 and ask him to move one of his behemoths so I could pull into my own driveway. "Oh, sorry" was all he said - clueless *&^%$#. At least once or twice a month, I'd have to have them move one of their cars or their friends' cars or some deliveryman's cars. I suspect they were telling these people that it was OK to park in my driveway because I keep strange hours. Made my blood boil. I never got overly friendly with them because this irritated me so much. I mean, I moved into this particular place BECAUSE it had off-street parking and a separate garage. And get this- the very last morning I am there to clean the apartment after moving, his friend is parked in my driveway, blocking the garage. Got another one of those rully geniune "Oh sorries". <shakes head>
Current Topic - just had a heart to heart with the ex.......
That's how good a mommy I am. phooey.