I read this post on IMDB.com today:

"Jude Law has admitted he cheated on his fiancee Sienna Miller in a public apology to her, following the revelation he had an affair with a nanny. Daisy Wright, 26, recently told a UK tabloid that she had a month-long affair with the Alfie star while he was filming movie All The King's Men in America earlier this year. And in answer to the reports, Law has confirmed that he was unfaithful to Miller, to whom he proposed on Christmas Day 2004. He says in a statement: "Following the reports in today's papers, I just want to say I am deeply ashamed and upset that I've hurt Sienna and the people most close to us. I want to publicly apologize to Sienna and our respective families for the pain that I have caused." Blonde beauty Miller, 23, has yet to comment on the statement. Law divorced Sadie Frost in October 2003 after a six-year marriage and three children."

Okay, this just goes to show that there are people out there who are just not capable, I believe, of remaining faithful to anyone. He cheated on his wife, he cheated on his girlfriend and I'm sure that this is just one report that made it into the public eye. He's likely cheated a whole lot more.

Now, he's hardly an atypical cheater -- regretful and sorry and ashamed only once he's been caught -- but its a perfect case for all those newbies out there who are just now suffering with the "why me" and "I'm not good enough" demons we all deal with when affairs are revealed.

Sadie Frost and Sienna Miller are no dogs in the look departments. They are beautiful, talented, bright women. And yet, even they were not enough for the likes of Mr. Jude Law...he has major problems in my view...the man should just stay single and unattached because he can't seem to keep it in his pants for any one woman.

Just last night there was a debate at the dinner table with family members regarding a cousin who had cheated on her husband and all the supposed reasons why ie she was too young when she married, her husband left her alone alot, the OM was her first love, yada yada yada. But then one person said absolutely the right thing -- those are all just excuses, she did it because she wanted to and that's it...

Yep...because he/she wanted to...and I'm realizing that no matter what I did...may have done...etc...it would never have been enough because he didn't want it to be enough...or to acknowledge, let alone change his own behavior. Sure doesn't mean I'm not good enough...only that I chose a louse for a partner. Even I can get over that one!! lol

Cindy

"only that I chose a louse for a partner"

Yup, me too Cindy

Charlie

"it would never have been enough because he didn't want it to be enough..."

That's my take on the entire thing as well....selfish, selfish, selfish.....and I also chose an idiot as well!

Amy

By saying that you all chose the wrong partners you are again taking responsibility and blame for their mistakes.

You did not choose the "wrong partner" unless when you got into the marriage you went into it with an acknowledged cheater accepting that you would not be the only partner in his life.

We all took some form of the "foresaking all others" vow upon marriage didn't we?

I don't know about you but I didn't go into my marriage thinking "yeah, someday he's going to cheat on me and I'll have to live with that....". Hell no!!! This was a monogamous arrangement and he broke his promise to me.

So I personally will not say that "I chose the wrong partner" because at the point in time I made that choice and enterred into the marriage and I hope for a long time afterwards, he was a faithful partner. When he decided not to be he certainly didn't ask my persmission.

I personally will take responsibility for only ONE decision in this matter -- to continue to live in the same house with this man while our kids are young -- that's it...

Jane:

I, too, will not stand for the fact that I'm to blame for choosing the "wrong partner". When I said "I do", I meant it. I kept my end of the "contract" and my promise to him...and I feel I'm STILL keeping it. "For Better or Worse".....well, this is now definitely THE WORSE...trying to get thru it, understand why it happened, and even more...how to survive afterwards. Although there are "worse" things than an affair, I don't know of many that are more traumatic & life-altering this side of death. To me, it's so similar....you're shocked, you deny it could "ever happen", you grieve....you lose someone you love in some way....just like death. I'm now almost 9 months out, and for weeks & months I blamed myself over & over again wondering what I did, what I could've done better, what I should have done, what I shouldn't have said, etc., etc., etc. You all know the routine....but it's one I'm SO tired of. My H had a choice...he made it...he has to deal with it. Unfortunately, I am forced to deal with it too....want to or not. As I told him when I found out...."I didn't ask for this". His reply "well, neither did I". My response..."I'm not the one who went & stuck my d**k where it didn't belong". So, I refuse to take blame anymore (even though I still have my "low" days where I still subconsciously beat myself up)....it's bad enough to have to deal with what has happened that HE caused. Maybe it could be easily seen that I did choose the "wrong partner" to many people...but it would be only because of what HE did....I gave my complete trust to someone who took it & just casually threw it away...and that hurts like Hell. But when you love someone, no matter who the partner is, I think it's the most wonderful "gift" you can give that person you love. However, I know that I'll never be able to give "blind trust" to anyone like that ever again....whether it be with my H if we work things out, or with another man. Once burned, I think everyone moves much more cautiously and suspiciously because of the position they have been forced to be in. And that's a true shame....because without trust, what's left?? I've noticed that my thinking has really changed over the past 9 months....now I know why all the "seasoned" betrayed partners say "don't make any major life decisions for the first few months post affair". My perspective on the whole A is so much different now than it was at the first of the year. But, good, bad, or both, I know one thing....I'm tired of being the "bad guy"...I'm the victim...but I don't want to live like that. I'm better than that and I can & WILL rise above this.

Leah

I have to agree with Jane here. I didn't chose a partner badly because he turned out to be unfaithful. That is his alone to own. As we have all learned, anybody no matter what age, sex, size, colour, religion, morales, etc can cheat. I don't think that you can look at somebody and say yes he is safe and will never cheat. I think it is something that needs to be constantly discussed and addressed in any relationship and boundaries need to be worked on continually.

Of course that is a new view for me since I never believed that when I was married the first time. I just assumed everybody was faithful......opps guess again??!

Still shaking my head muttering....

But, but, but I knew him 3 years before we got married...knew him a year before we dated....we had so many common acquantainces...no one thought he was a run-around...never saw him flirt...he never wanted to date other people...he never wanted to go "out with the guys" to bars or anything without me...actually never really wanted to go anywhere without me...heck, he doesn't even drink...

Still shaking my head....he sure seemed like a good bet

How the heck do you ever know what anyone will do????

I did marry the wrong woman, and I don't say that because she had an affair or because we're divorced.

I say that because I had a good friend who (hindsight being what it is) would have been a better partner because we never had any trouble talking openly. I know now that starting with a secure and open friendship is the only good way to find a spouse. Forget starry-eyed romance and the thrill of the chase.

Chris.