I've been thinking of this for a while, then a post by Meeshell120 on Carol's thread about being afraid of happiness prompted me to post.
I've noticed the same thing with me when it comes to the idea of success.
I'm afraid. I've got a good friend (check out www.dlcstudio.com!) who has offered to create a website and business cards for my writing. She's offered this to me about a year ago and the offer still stands. I've made some decent money before with my writing and desktop skills. But for some reason -- I don't think I have it in me anymore. Or I'm afraid the pressure will be too great and I'll end up being a monster mom because of deadline pressure, ineptness and little sleep. ugh. I was much more able to take risks like these back before I was married. I know it has to do with my self esteem. I know that I should feel the fear and do it anyway.
But right now, with me just living with it all in my head, everything is a possibility -- like when you are a child and someone asks "what do you want to be when you grow up?" The sky's the limit. But ..... to actually expose myself to others' expectations and to be found wanting..... That's what scares me. It's much easier to just stay at home in my cocoon and be a good mom and just pick up another part-time job of little consequence. A job that pays the bills but just is not fulfilling. And most likely that's what I'll do again altho I don't know what or how, if I'm going to cyberschool my son.
Life has always seemed uncertain to me -- I've hardly ever felt settled or secure, but instead of using my energy to make it what I want, I just tend to accept what life gives. I know that on one hand, this gives me a sense of gratefulness and contentment. On the other hand, it leaves me unfulfilled. There is something inside that says I could be more fulfilled. But I am afraid.
Any similar experiences? Care to tell me your take on this, friends?
I don't think its fear of success or happiness. Its fear of change...something not familiar perhaps??? It takes us out of our element and shit that can be scary especially the Unknown. When that happens to me I focus on what's the worst that can happen? We've already been through that right?
Just my opinion....
Tex
This message has been edited by TexMac64 on Nov 26, 2005 5:27 PM
I've worked in almost every major building in downtonw. I've travelled Europe by Eurail by myself for 2-1/2 weeks. I've done lots of thing in the past that require change.....just.....now I don't know why these risks are so scary. I know that part of it is fear of the unknown because that's pretty common. But I think this is more.
Good question that you offered, Tex, "What's the worse that can happen?" Hmmmmm.....I'd become a monster mother and I'll start putting things on credit while I pursue freelance writing and then the house will go into foreclosure and we'll have to go live in a slum apartment with tiny rooms, noisy, cussin' neighbors and roaches.
<<<Hmmmmm.....I'd become a monster mother and I'll start putting things on credit while I pursue freelance writing>>>
That's the BEST thing that happened. You are pursuing YOUR dreams.
You go for it Jean! I know this has nothing to do with a guy...just you. As a Navy man I hate to quote an Army saying but its true: Be all you can be.
Your friend,
Tex
Edited: typos
This message has been edited by TexMac64 on Nov 26, 2005 6:45 PM This message has been edited by TexMac64 on Nov 26, 2005 6:05 PM This message has been edited by TexMac64 on Nov 26, 2005 6:00 PM
Tex, thanks for the chearleading. I really appreciate that.
Chris -- no, I know stuff doesn't happen by itself. I've done it before, before the internet was commonplace. There's a lot of networking involved. Most businesses and individuals looking for writers want samples of work. That's what the website would be for -- a place to hold my electronic portfolio and a way to offer some interaction with those that I contact. Perhaps I could also link with fellow writers and even blog at some point, perhaps.
I feel like I've been on a precipice for a few years now. When I was married I didn't necessarily want to further business writing beyond a few resumes or small projects here or there. When I was married I wanted to "nest" -- make my home warm and inviting -- learn decorating techniques and new recipes (hello "Martha"); I also wanted to homeschool. Now, as my children are growing up I feel not only a financial need, but a personal need to get back out there, to do what I had set my eyes on and also what I have already done before I was married. But I'm scared.
No..... I should say "and" I'm scared, not "but".... I should do it anyway. I don't know exactly how to go about it, with children, and now that I've been out of it for so long. I used to be able to stay up all night, if needed, to get a project done. Now if I do that I'm inviting a seizure.
I'm mostly afraid of trying and failing, or making a fool of myself somehow.....
Jean
This message has been edited by Jean150 on Nov 26, 2005 7:25 PM This message has been edited by Jean150 on Nov 26, 2005 7:24 PM This message has been edited by Jean150 on Nov 26, 2005 7:23 PM
<<As a Navy man....>> A Navy man! Well, can it get any better than that? My dad was a navy man -- a WWII vet from the Pacific Theatre. I knew you were cool, Tex.
Chris -- I'm not sure if I understood your post. ? Did I misread (again)?
hi mate, reading you post reminded me of a time when i did some work from home, or indeed when i work from home for a day here and there now.
working from home is great but the biggest problem i faced was being disciplined and telling myself that working from home is just the same as working in an office, so i had to cut out all domestic distractions for the hours that i was doing work.
if that makes sense. haha, it was very easy to get up from the desk and put a load of washing on or prepare the evening meal, but i had to put boudaries around work and domestic stuff. when they got blurred i got confused and could do either properly.
so maybe take some little steps, get your website, do a blog, do some networking AND remember that even though you are home based you have just as much control over what you take on as you do in an office setting. dont feel you have to respond or do everything that comes in, just cause youre at home. if there is too much demand you are able to say 'i cant do that job for you until next week' etc. if it is quiet, that is good too cause you get to focus more on what there is to do.
i reckon you should give home based work a go, maybe even look on the net to see if there are tips or hints for peopel setting up home businesses, especially in the writing field. i am sure there is,and by doing that homework you are already on the path to success!!!!
Putting up a website won't make you into a monster mom. The only thing that will make you a monster mom is deciding to be one...you have that choice every day. If THAT is what you're afraid of, then be clear...don't hang that fear around the neck of your own forward progress and dreams.
That said...
Saying "no" to your kids once in a while so that you can attend to your own needs is not the same as being a monster mom. Being a parent isn't an absolute guarantee to your kids that you will "always be there" on a minute-to-minute basis. Even pre-teens (ESPECIALLY pre-teens) need to lay the groundwork for self-suffiency, by learning how to do for themselves.
Kids can learn and do housework and cooking and laundry regularly, life skills that they will need. If they don't learn them under your guidance, when and where will they learn?
What I'm trying to say is, if your kids can take even a couple of hours a week of work off of your load, there's your start...and you don't have to steal sleep to find that time.
You have the education and smarts to take you wherever you want to go. That can be powerful and exciting. Don't be frightened by the unknown. I'm talking to myself here too.
It can be a challenge to figure out where you want to go in this life and what your purpose is, especially after a divorce. I mean, my purpose was to care for my family, to raise wonderful sons. Well, that is over to a major extent- now what the hell do I do? Well, it takes time and experimentation to figure that out.
But this is what my favourite author (George Bernard Shaw) wrote,
"This is the true joy of life: being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining to the world will not devote itself to making you happy."
He was Irish, but educated in England, and had the the sensibilities of a Brit. I have never met a tougher lot.
Experiment with your imagination.
Peace,
TLMM
This message has been edited by taigalucy on Nov 27, 2005 1:40 PM
I say go for it! Why have dreams and goals if you are too scared to persue them and enjoy them? That's what life is all about. You are a great mom and have talent! Why not use those skills to your advantage. And whatever benefits mom, benefits the children
take care,
Carol~
Current Topic - Fear of happiness, fear of success
