Its been a while -- months probably -- since I posted here. Just yesterday I was thinking to myself "I should go back and check on my friends on the board and let them know how things are going." So here I am.

I'm still here with HINO. I've lulled myself into a sense of utter and complete complacency. I'm busy with my life. He's busy with his. We're working together to raise the kids staying out of each other's hair. We deal with each other on a for the most part civil, even downright friendly basis.

Just a few weeks ago he finally landed himself a really good job making good money. I could finally breathe a sigh of relief because I've had no help most of this year with the bills and the kids. And just today I was telling how this job had taken a load off my shoulders and I went out and did some long overdue shopping for myself and the kids thinking "I can finally afford this stuff..."

Then tonight the bugger decides to go to a friggin slots casino in the area "just for a few hours" he says. He's gone before and been able to stick to an upper limit of say $80, $100, lose it all and then come home.

Tonight I don't know what the hell got into him but he managed to drop over $600 at that casino. When I saw how much money had come out of the account I called him and blasted him and reminded him how in all the years I've known him he's only been successful at one thing -- letting me down.

He said it was some form of "temporary insanity" and that he'd never do it again -- "promise". Yeah, like his promises have meant shit over the years.

God how easy it is to fall into a comfortable sense of "everything is okay" like things are finally coming together. What is it about me and my life? Why can't I have any peace in this marriage that lasts more than a few weeks?

I could list alot of wrongs I've done in my life but dear God, haven't I paid enough????

Hi!  I've missed you!  You have the original HINO, don't you?  Didn't you create that acronym?

I'm doing more of same....by myself, making ends meet, enjoying the kids.  I"m going to take a 1-day photography course with my son in about a week (it's free!).

Sorry about your rude awakening with the gambling.  I'm thinking he thought he deserved it because of the new job, but that's got to be very frustrating for you.

good to see you.

Jean

Jane my inclination would be to start splitting the household bills equally with him writing you a cheque once a month for his total and keep your own seperate account before he cleans you out completely! Otherwise see if your employer can redirect some funds to another bank account that you open in your own personal name.

He obviously has a HUGE problem if he can go to the casino and blow $600 after being out of work for so long.

I have thought about you often and was going to post about a week ago asking how you were doing. I hadn't gotten around to it cause frankly the holidays are dragging me down a bit too. I am glad you are in a zone where little bothers you until now and that he has gotten gainful employment.

UGH I would be fit to be tied. Maybe now you should leave him and file for divorce while he can still afford to pay the child support

Hi Jane,

Nice to see ya. Thanks for stopping by. I was really thrilled to hear your H has found a decent job. The other part? Not so thrilling. Hopefully it was temporary insanity (once again). I sure hope you're doing enough to protect yourself from your H's decisions.

Quinn

Jane, ditto to all the others wrote.

When last you posted, you were thinking about a job change. You didn't mention it this time...anything happening on that front?

Chris.

Wow, so good to see alot of you guys still sticking around.

I've calmed down so I can answer some of the other stuff

Yeah I already have a separate account so that I can protect money from HINO's bouts of insanity (temporary or otherwise). We also have one remaining joint account for joint household bills and expenses and then he has an account that his cheques go into to which I still have access but consider "his" account unless we get overdrawn in the joint account. So its not like he dipped into the milk money or anything its just that the man finally brings home a decent cheque to allow him to contribute more to the household and he blows a load of it at a casino. Arrgh.

As for the rest of it, I'm just not at a point where I'm looking for divorce. I consider us "separated" even if no one else really does. The primary goal remains to give my kids a steady, secure life for a few years until they get out of adolescence. As long as we stay out of each other's hair our coexistence is rather peaceful. His new job means he's at work from 2PM to 1030PM. I'm a 9-to-5-er so I hardly see the man except in the early morning as we get the kids ready for school and weekends are too packed with activities to cause run-in's. Suits me just fine.

As for the new job search I did make alot of serious effort in the area during the summer. I went on a number of interviews and was *this-close* a few times but nothing panned out except that I got alot of great feedback and input towards what I needed to do to make my chances better in future. Now with the winter and the holidays approaching and bonus time around the corner I decided to stay in my current job for a few months and work on myself before putting myself out there again.

I'm going to try to catch up with all you guys around here....

Jane,

I just came here tonight, too.

Good to hear about you, even though it wasn't all good news.

I'm glad H got a good job. That was such a problem along with everything else.

I worry about your kids. They are growing up in a marriage that is not one you would like them to be in.

I don't think H and I modeled good marriage behavior at all. That's the one thing I regret about not divorcing him.

It was good to hear from you.

Sidney