AN OLD LADY
Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the worst answer. In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked,
"Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem.
He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on
his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I
know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows
me,
I'll throw you in jail for contempt."
For the sake of my male friends here, the sexes in this sceanrio could also be reversed.
