Hi folks.

I was hoping for some feedback about this Retrouvaille program. My wife has served me with Legal separation papers, knowing that I've said all along that separation means divorce...especially if a judge and lawyers have to tell us how to divide our assets and live apart (which is truly what LS is..."Divorce without making it official" as my Lawyer put it). That's not how marriage works, and what is the point of keeping a marriage together if you've divided your assets and everything you've worked so hard to achieve together? I'm responding with a dissolution of marriage, which I never wanted, but now have no choice. She has checked out of the marriage...convinced that I will never change the aspects of my personality that hurt her, and the good parts of the 22 years together are overshadowed by this core hurt and the way I've reacted over the last few months.

I have at least been able to talk her into attending a Retrouvaille course with me this weekend as a last hope...a "What do we have to lose?" sort of thing, if for nothing but to at least be able to say we gave it all we could. I didn't know anything about it unitl Blazer Bob wrote about it on this forum. I went on the website this week and read about it. It looks like it could be an interesting thing. It's Catholic-based (neither of us are at all religious), but the way I understand it, the religious aspect of it is not the focus, but rather giving couples in seriously troubled marriages the tools to learn how to communicate properly, which is exactly what we are NOT doing anymore. Regardless of who thinks who is wrong, misguided, or too stubborn to get it, there's no way to get there if you can't communicate properly. At least, as far as my thinking goes. Marriage Counseling has obviously not worked for us, so I figure if there's something out there that can help us in a different manner, there may be at least a glimmer of hope.

I was just curious if anyone has had any experience with this program or has any further knowledge about it. The articles, statistics of saved marriages and testimonials they have posted on the website are quite impressive. I was fortunate enough to find a program close to home with openings still available for this weekend, so we're going to give it a shot.

If you're curious about it, the website is
http://www.retrouvaille.org/

Let me know if you know anything about it and if you think it may help. It's truly my last hope.

Albeit Catholic based it is open to all faiths and a few times a higher power may be mentioned thru out the w/e, in other words it is not a religious w/e.

It has been a life saver to many troubled couples, and a learning experience as how to communicate with each other. The w/e itself is intensive and exhauting - and a follow up of a serie of meetings will help cement the 'work' of the initial w/e.

I, we, - at the time - may have been considered a 'failure' of sort however that w/e gave me the impetus I needed to emotionally detach from my H. After an exercise, he found me balling my eyes out and telling him I was saying good bye - I was letting him go.... needless to say I was the first one to be surprised at my reactions...

A few weeks later... he finally left -

I found what I needed during that w/e - my H was still involved with OW and their child at the time - I don't know what he took away from that w/e if anything... but I felt empowered to stop the games, stop the fights, and start living my life without all the drama ...

He came back some short months later ... the everyday grind has the tendency to cloud the rose colored glasses he was looking thru for almost 2 1/2 years. And the rest.. well... the rest is his/her story ...

Go to the w/e with an open mind... it is a very positive experience - really - it was my first rung on the ladder of healing.

And as you walk you make your path Kat

Kat, wasn't there someone from the old private BAN that did this with their spouse, and they're now very active in hosting weekends?

I can't remember her name, but she says flat out that it saved their marriage.

Cory

You are not a human being having a spiritual experience, but a spiritual being having a human experience.

You are absolutly right... excellent recall ()... as I mentioned earlier this program is excellent and has put many, many couples back on the right track.

And as you walk you make your path Kat

BlazerBob and his wife help with Retrouvaille as well, and have for a number of years as I recall. I believe he also credits that weekend as the turning point for their relationship. Maybe he'll show up (again) and give us some insight.

GT

Bob,

My wife and I are involved in Retrouvaille and am convinced it helped us to heal our relationship. Even though it is Catholic, we have ministered to all religions - some being Jewish, Muslim, Christian, and those who don't practice any religion.

The basis of the program is to open communication between a husband and wife who are experiencing a break down in their relationship. It is a peer ministry - meaning that it is presented and hosted by couples who themselves experienced a break down of their marriage and have attended a Retrouvaille weekend. The presenters (3 married couples and a priest) share their stories of romance, disillusionment, misery and reawakening or renewal. You are taught a technique that has allowed me to better communicate with my wife and her with me.

Hearing the stories of the presenting couples and learning how to communicate with my wife helped us to heal our relationship. I was planning on using Retrouvaille as the last thing I was going to do before getting a divorce. It has helped a lot of couples, but, of course, it is does not carry a guarantee. It will not work if the WS is still involved in a affair and commited to end the affair before attending.

Bob