Even though I know it would be a totally stupid and unproductive thing to do, it's all I can do right now not to send a nasty e-mail to OW. Yesterday H was served with a custody petition. We had been expecting court papers but were under the impression it was regarding support, not custody. Maybe those are in the works too, but who knows. Anyway, the petition did not specify exactly what OW is seeking but there were sections there for her to explain the situation and give her side of the story. From the way it was written I am assuming she wants full custody with no visitation, or with visitation that excludes me. She noted that she has full responsibility for providing food, shelter, clothing, etc. Yes, she provides it BUT H is contributing financially. She was correct when she noted that when the child is ill it is her that takes off work, takes him to appointments, etc. She then had the nerve to say that the child's father is married and his wife has said that she hates that the child even exists, and that his wife has called her names in e-mails, and that any visitation involving his wife would be emotionally harmful to the child. What a *****!!!!!!!!! Of course I hate that the child exists, but she neglected to mention the little detail of the fact that I was around before the child was, or that she intentionally got herself pregnant by a married man. She has the morals of an alley cat and I'm the one that will be emotionally harmful????? Did she mention that the e-mails only started because she initiated them? Then the icing on the cake was that "the child's father stopped returning her calls and messages after she filed for support". First, how the heck do we know when she does anything? She's been threatening to do that for almost a year. Second, she neglects to mention the fact that the calls and messages are not really about anything, except of course for the one where she asked him to go out with her. My blood just boiled after reading all that. I so badly wanted to pick up the phone and tell her off, and today it's all I can do not to e-mail her my thoughts. The only good thing about all this is that H finally has to make a decision as to whether he wants to continue seeing OC or not, and that it will all be taken care of legally now, and that H is truly seeing her for the manipulative, selfish, ***** she is and hopefully that will help clear any remaining fog on his part. Thanks for listening to me vent - I needed that!
I think at this point, I would make sure I didn't answer her. She may be trying to get you to backlash which may help her court case. I think I would get much joy in helping raise this child and well, just to get her back. Your right, it is horrible that she is questioning your morality.
Sorry you're having to deal with this crap! You are the better person in all of this. I wouldn't contact her either. I found out it just gets ya in trouble. I learned the hard way. Take care & I hope that things get better soon.
I fully agree with the above posters about not contacting her. She could use what ever you say or write in an email in her court case.
More importantly, you already know that she is going to be a pain in the butt from here on out. If she knows that she can say or do something that will get you upset, she will do it. If you let that happen you are giving her power over you emotional well being.
Of course there will be issues, issues that will have to be dealt with, a child is involved. If you can, come up with an image of her, something like "dust in the wind." Dust may irritate your eyes or sinuses, its your choice whether or not it stops you from moving forward.
Recovery is a choice...
Forgiveness is a choice...
Love is a choice...
Giving her emotional power over you is also a choice...
I know that doesn't sound like much for the issues you are dealing with, but I am approaching D-day plus 4 years...
Being a thick headed man...it's taken me a long time to become aware of the power hate gives to the hated object.
Dave
"Forgiveness is not forgetting...It's remembering with your mind at peace!"
<<<<Did she mention that the e-mails only started because she initiated them? Then the icing on the cake was that "the child's father stopped returning her calls and messages after she filed for support". First, how the heck do we know when she does anything? She's been threatening to do that for almost a year. Second, she neglects to mention the fact that the calls and messages are not really about anything, except of course for the one where she asked him to go out with her. My blood just boiled after reading all that. >>>>>
I wish you the fortuity to retain a good family law lawyer. Judge are no dummies, and thank god for that....
Do you have by any chance any documentation to your above statements??? that would also help...
For the last 15 years we have been in court every other year for one thing or another. Our lawyer was even surprised by the extent of papers the file contains.... One year the judge asked for a continuation so he could fully understand the case!!
Now are you ready for my punch line??? It was not OW's doings.... it was my H's first wife!!!! But NOW, my step-son has turned 18 3/30, will graduate 6/10..... one down one more to go LOL LOL LOL
Thanks as always for the support. I know the right thing is to completely ignore her, but darn if its not hard. I know I have to make the choice for myself to disregard her and kick her out of my thoughts. I am still hoping that H sticks with his last decision to have NC with OC, but part of me now would take some spiteful joy in having a relationship with OC. Yes, I know that's immature and unhealthy....
The only "proof" I have of what has happened are copies of the e-mails sent between me and OW, and there are cell phone records to show who called who and when, but all the voice mails have been deleted. In the event H wants NC none of that will really matter anyway I guess.
So sorry to hear others have gone through even more horrible support/custody situations. Why can everyone involved in these situations not just grow up and act like adults (and I include myself in this at times)? Have a good weekend everybody!
Hi! Maybe when you feel like venting you could write the OW a letter saying everything that you feel the need to express & then burn the letter when you're through. That way you will have had the chance to get those feelings out in a safe way & they won't come back to haunt you later.Just a thought!! Take care!!!