Just remember you can't start healing a marriage until all the poison comes out. The truth shall set you free kinda thingy....

Sorry this hurts to much, but you are tough as a diamond right now

K

Well at least you know that you aren't crazy like your H wanted you to believe back then.

My anger would be off the scale if I had to deal with cruelty like you did from the Ragena incident.

Carol, I hope you hold your boundaries in place.

Carol

I view it as a good thing that your husband is finally giving you some details. That tells me that he is coming out of the fog of denial. It's hard to give all the gory details and watch your spouse hurt. And it's hard to admit to yourself that you actually did those things. Kid had a good point. All of that poison needs to come out in order for it not to be there between you two. As bad as it is, it's best that it comes out instead of you still wondering what happened and didn't happen.

But I still agree with H2C.  Keep your boundaries firmly in place Carol.  Your husband needs to see that he has to go the full road to recovery. He can't stop midway just because he's finally willing to work with you. He does get points for what he is doing, but make him do all the work, not just part of it. Nothing wakes up a WS faster than the cold hard truth. You making him leave seems to have done that in his case. 

Sounds like he's a different man. He's made one of the fastest turn arounds I've seen in a long time. I hope for the sake of you and your children he will stick to that and get the help he needs. 

You're doing good Carol. I hope you are very proud of yourself for the way you are handling this. We are.  

GT

Carol,


I'm glad the truth is finally coming out.

It always finds a way.

People of the lie are playing a big fat joke on themselves. It's like a time bomb.

Thank you everyone.  I am doing my best to keep my boundaries in place, IC helps a lot.  H seems to have gotten a little more used to being on his own, and now he comes home for dinner, lol.  And he calls to ask if he can come over...and he calls to check on me...tells me Im beautiful inside and out, and cant stop apologizing and crying. He has even started closing the pizzeria on Mondays. I see him more now that we are separated and it cracks me up!  Im sorry.  I know I should be serious here, but I cant help it. I guess if I dont laugh I will break down crying.  I havent cried yet...still numb!!! Humor always seems to help me deal with things.

H has read half of the book "After the Affair" and he says he can really relate to a lot of what it says. He has been pot free for two weeks now and has had very little to drink.  He had maybe 3 beers in the last week, he used to have at least 3 beers a night.  When he gets here I do not smell any beer on his breath and I do not smell any pot smoke.  He looks clean and sober and he doesnt look so tired and angry anymore. He is going to IC and seems to be doing pretty good, so far.  Yes, I say so far!  Right now he is fueled by shock...once the shock wears off I hope he has the courage to continue down this path. I see a BIG difference in him and so do the children.  He came over last night for dinner and even helped our little guy with his homeowrk, now that's a first!

I just hope it continues...I am still afraid that it wont...that as soon as it gets really hard he will give in to the pot and the OW again...I guess I am trying to be realistic, especially since it has only been two weeks as of yesterday.  I dont want to get my hopes up only to be disappointed yet again...he has let me down, the children, and himself so much in the past, it is hard to believe that this is for real.  I guess only time will tell. And I have to allow him that time to find himself and the path he needs to follow, and to prove himself whether we stay together or not. 

Take Care...Carol~