I woke up this morning from the most horrible dream. I dreamt that I was in the throes of the betrayals and rejection again. The alarm woke me up but I turned it off and went back to sleep so that I could dream it some more, because the feelings were so intense and I needed to "finish out" the dream for some reason.
In the dream: My "husband" took our little girl, who in the dream was about 4 or 5, grocery shopping with him. Unbeknownst to me, he met up with one of his lovers (ooops, sorry "friennnnds") there and they shopped together. Then he brought home the groceries and dropped my daughter off here with me. He goes back out to the car, and I'm thinking he went back out for more groceries, but I find out later, after looking all over for him, that he just left. So I call him on his phone, and he answers, and he's in a great mood -- laughing and joking. He brushes off my feelings, and says he had "somewhere to go." We have a bit more of a heated discussion, and then he calls me by the other woman's name. He tries to backtrack, pretend that's not what he said, pretend he's not doing what he's doing, etc, etc. I lose it and scream into the phone that he's an a_ _ hole and then hung up -- all the while while my daughter is standing there watching me.
So I wake up from the dream under a huge black cloud. I felt like hell and at first thought that I had had a seizure, I felt so bad. Waking up from a seizure feels, to me, like having the worst flu of your life, trying to piece together parts of short-term memory that just aren't there (where am I?), feeling like your going to throw up, and having a huge, black, formless monster following you around ready to choke the life out of you (i.e, awful foreboding). Well I checked my tongue, etc. but I didn't have the seizure. I haven't had one for more almost 3 years. But what I did was wake up thinking that the dream was my reality -- that I was still in that situation. It took me about 5 minutes after getting up to get a hold of myself -- walking around, wondering why I'm alone (the kids are with their father this weekend), wondering what's going on, etc....
Horrible, horrible dream. All I can think of what would trigger this kind of thing are my nephew's wedding coming up, and how I went shopping yesterday and looked through all the sizes that I can't fit into. I think I have a dress to wear, and I think it looks okay, but I'm just not sure. I have to wear one of those "power undergarments" with it and get it dry-cleaned -- my sister is loaning it to me.
It was a horrible dream and horrible feelings afterward -- like uncontrollable fear, foreboding, and loneliness. My heart is still trying to calm down.
Sorry you're having these crazy dreams. When I first caught my ex, I had a million real bad dreams, some of them where someone was trying to kill my ex and I and some where I caught him calling OW. They were very bizarre and upsetting and sometimes I woke in a sweat or screaming but after thinking about them, I realized that I felt threatened and insecure, etc. It looks like you realize why you may be having them. Hopefully they'll stop soon. I had a very strange dream last night and woke up not remembering it but it wasn't upsetting, just weird.
I haven't had bad dreams like that for a few years now - Thank Goodness! But I remember the panick I used to wake up in. I remember not being able to breath and it feeling so very real that I thought I was living through it again.
I am so sorry your day started on this bad note. Not sure what else to tell you other than I hope tonight you have a nice restful sleep.
Good, then -- although I'm sorry that you both have also experienced this, well.... probably a good deal of this group has. It's good to know I'm not alone in this experience. This dream though, was not expected in the least -- and after so many years of my being comfortable living the single life. I have not had such a vivid dream in a very long time.
Jean I have found that when my stress level gets really high I tend to have reoccurences of the nightmares. That has happened a few times in the past couple years, especially when my dad had cancer.
That's why I started going for massages every month. I still go, just not as often, because a good portion of it is covered under my drug plan.
Perhaps you could incorporation massage training into the home schooling Then your kids could give you massages when you need to relax
This is an area where altho not completly foreign to my intellect (), my personal experiences are just about nil... I suspect this is due to many previous traumas. I know I dream - we all dream but I would be a very very poor candidate to dream therapy... I litterally sleep like a log and have no recollection of dreams... is this good, I don't think so...
So, sweet Jean, just know I am thinking about you -
<<Perhaps you could incorporation massage training into the home schooling >> Ha ha...that's funny. We could perhaps put that under science? Well, my son is almost 11 and is starting to get away from the hugging-type stuff, and I know this is a good and normal thing. And my little girl is too busy with stuff to really care..... she'll give a back scratch for 5 seconds or so every once in a while....hmmmm..... but maybe I can bribe them.
Thanks for the hugs, Kat. I"ve been trying to get out for a walk all day. After this post we're going.
Last night must have been the night for bad dreams...my son had a terrible dream...my daughter also had a strange dream...and I had a dream about the OW......there is a lot of stress in the family right now with my sister who has cancer, my son's long time girlfriend of almost 7 yrs ended the relationship and he is a wounded puppy at 23.. possible emotional attachment to another young man...so stress can cause horrible dreams...we have to look at the dream and see that stress caused it...and it is a protective mode kicking in...to be aware of the hurt we suffered thru...just keeping us on our toes.
I hope and pray that tonight we will all have wonderful happy dreams.
Horrible Dreams/NIGHTMARES....dreams are and should be pleasant
September 18 2006, 11:48 PM
Jean I am so sorry you are still having nightmares.....I remember the first couple of years after d-day having dozens of horrible nightmares, ones that when you woke up they seemed to be real,sometimes it would take all day to realize it was a nightmare!
I haven't had nightmares for quite some time now but I am back to dreaming.
I used always have cool dreams before d-day, now my dreams are bizarre are so different now......strange how the mind works.
Hang in there Jean..........it will get better even though it seems so rough and real now.
This is the first dream having anything to do with the ex or infidelity in years. Well, I should say, this is the only one in years that dealt overtly with infidelity. That's why it was so bizarre. Our minds are strange and mysterious, aren't they?
During this past year I have actually started feeling a bit of compassion for the ex. I'm not trying to feel it..... It's just like, "gee, it's too bad he's still so messed up," and "look at all he threw away...." I still expect nothing from him, tho, as that always works best. And he's still selfish a lot. But occasionally he's nice and I figure now.... so what if he's nice? Nice when he wants to be.... That's easy. And also none of my concern anymore. I've learned to say "thank you" and walk away. There is just so much more to this life to enjoy.
It was icky. Makes me have to "right myself" for a while in the morning.
I'm wondering if it's because he's been calling here more often lately and I have opened up a bit more about my dealings with the kids -- the last year of homeschooling and how tired I am with that and work -- and he has offered to help with some reading or math lessons (that almost never works, though).
I'm wondering if this is my gut screaming nooooo, keep those boundaries up! But I thought it was progress for the both of us to discuss our children more openly and for him to make himself more available to them. That's what the textbooks say anyway. But my gut still wants to protect them both from too much of his influence. Yes, I know he is their father and that relationship should be encouraged. That's textbook. My gut tells me something else. Or maybe the kids are fine with it and it's just me that should keep my own personal walls up.
I don't know ---- I do have a lot of pressure on me right now. And the family wedding on Saturday. Oh, here's the kicker -- the wedding reception is going to be held at a resort where the ex and I had our 3-day honeymoon. Oh, and an extra kicker -- this is also where we re-visited for a weekend away in our 6th year of marriage, and where he just walked out on me without a word and left me there 2-3 hours after we arrived. I was stuck there all night and had to figure my own way home. No apology. No talking about it. He just didn't want to be around me.
On the surface all these things are not bothering me. But maybe they are. I don't need these dreams.
Jean your subconscious mind is kicking in...reminding you of the past...i.e. the dreams were triggered by the wedding this weekend...
IC explained that stress and reminders will trigger responses from the brain that appear as dreams...so your brain is just warning you to be careful...He said it is just a protective response by the brain...
I hope that makes sense to you...
relax and enjoy the wedding and the reception...different time and different people so you are aware of the place, but now you can have some good memories of the place to counteract the bad memories.
Had another early this morning. That's 3 bad dreams involving the ex in 4 consecutive nights. Very strange. If this keeps up, I won't be able to look the man in the face the next time he comes for the kids. I wonder what I'm trying to tell myself?
Supposedly we all have many dreams every night, but it is very rare that I remember having a dream. Sometimes when I am very anxious or stressed about something I will have very vivid or disturbing dreams about things unrelated to what I am stressed about. To me it is more a sign I need to work on relieving stress rather than anything specifically in the dream.
Well Rosie, it that is true I should be having about a billion dreams right now. I am under some unbelievable stress due to this darned GUI C++ class and the others I'm taking as well. I skipped over C++ because I took it 8 years ago and don't remember nearly enough for the lightning speed my teacher is going in class. I have so much due by the end of next week that I can hardly function properly. Calgon take me away!!!!!
Then your kids could give you massages when you need to relax 
>> Ha ha...that's funny. We could perhaps put that under science? Well, my son is almost 11 and is starting to get away from the hugging-type stuff, and I know this is a good and normal thing. And my little girl is too busy with stuff to really care..... she'll give a back scratch for 5 seconds or so every once in a while....hmmmm..... but maybe I can bribe them.