Just wanted to share a card my husband gave to me today. Tears were streaming down my face when I was finished reading it.


I wish I could go back in time...
back to those unspoiled moments
in our relationship

before hurt
ever touched our hearts,

before doubt
ever entered our minds.

Because if I could go back
and start from those meoments
once more,

I would hold you longer,
never miss a chance
to tell you
how much you mean to me...

and I would never,
ever hurt you.

But I know we can't go back
to those days.

I know I can't erase
the mistakes.

I can't take away the questions
you must have
or the hurt we both feel.

But I can assure you of one thing:

I love you--

as I did then
and as I always will.

Oh my gosh! To go back in time WOULD be wonderful... something that can never be fixed by special words in a card, but the sentiment is so beautiful. To be able to love more, to hug more, to kiss more..... what's done is done... it's all in the past. I am just thankful that my H has let me stay and be a part of his life... our M has blossomed, on the good days. On the bad days, I just keep reminding myself that we ARE on the long road to recovery and once time HAS passed and these bad days are mostly behind us - we WILL have all of those "love mores" those "hug mores" those "kiss mores"..... until then, we wait......
Until then... I just keep on loving my H.... sometimes enough that takes care of the both of us.

Good for him.

Time. Patience. Peace.

Chris.

Don't it make you want to scream, "why did we have to go thru all of this in order to realize what we had?"

Beautiful poem, I wish I had that talent.

.....Carol~

Angela, for what it's worth, it sounds like your husband truly gets it. And he realizes what he has (and almost lost) in you.

H2C asked...does it make you wonder why you had to go through all you did.  I ask myself that question daily. But at some point the bottom line for both of you has to be....yes, we went through all of that but look where we are now. Concentrate on the here and now.  That's what matters from this point on.

GT

Yes, I have wondered why we had to go through all of this and I see all the good that has come about since. It's so hard to stay in the present though sometimes. I still can't forgive him. He is so, so, sorry. He tells me. He shows me in so many different ways. Yet I can't forgive. The hurt, the anger, the resentment is always still there. Sometimes it is right at the surface, sometimes I manage to keep it pretty far down, but it is always still there. Don't know if I will ever be able to forgive him. Somehow that seems like a betrayal to myself. Like I would be letting him get away with something. Like he might forget. Rationally I know he will never forget so why do I still feel this way? I imagine it's the same reason some people can no longer say, "I love you" to their FWS. I wish I could come to grips with this. Someday maybe.

Angela

Howdy Angela,

I think the thing to remember is forgiveness is for yourself not your WS. Its not about letting him off the hook... its about releasing fears. You'll get there where you are ready.

Both of you need to hang onto those words of that card when/if the rough patches hit. It's hard to not to live in the past...but you don't live there anymore. You might even be afraid of the future. That's ok. Just focus on the now.

Its also ok not to say I love you. Just say what you are feeling. I want to love you. I'm scared to love you etc.

Regards,

Tex

A