WELL I JUST FOUND OUT THE TRUTH BOUT MY BOYFRIEND(NOW HUSBAND)CHEATING. THE FEMALE HIT ME UP ON MESSENGER. WELL SHE TOLD ME THINGS HE DIDNT. AND MOST OF WHAT HE SAID WAS A LIE. I AM REALLY HURT RIGHT NOW. SOME OF THE THINGS I FOUND OUT WOULD HAVE DELAYED US GETTING MARRIED. IM SO PISSED. I REALLY DONT BELIEVE IN DIVORCES BUT THIS IS HARD. WE ONLY BEEN MARRIED A MONTH YESTERDAY. IM SO TORN. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME. I SAVED THE WHOLE CONVERSATION. I NEED ADVICE NOW. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.HE TOLD THE LIES BEFORE THE MARRAIGE BUT YOU WOULD THINK HE WOULD BE HONEST BEFORE YOU MAKE A VERY BIG DECISION.

Hmmmmm yeah and you would also think somebody would be honest after they make the big decision and committment, but we are living proof that isn't so.

People have affairs for selfish reasons. It isn't about anything you have done.

As for being married only a month - I have no advice besides take it one day at a time and concentrate on YOU. She has no reason to really tell you the full and complete truth either as she stands to gain your H if she pisses you off enough. At this point either story would be suspect in my mind.

If he really wants to save your marriage he will go complete no contact with her and do everything he can to act remorseful over what he has done. He should be giving you access to all email, phone, cell accounts with passwords etc so that you can access them when you need to check.

Lastly, the experts recommend you don't make any quick decisions and give yourself 6 months to get over the initial shock.

You can heal from this, a marriage can heal from this........but it really needs alot of time and hardwork on the part of both people (especially the betrayer).




p.s. can you not post in big letters - it looks like you are yelling and it is very very hard to read.

Thank you and sorry bout the big letters. I was very upset. I feel like if i stick around hell do it again. It seem like he playin a game with me. I know we love each other but maybe he isnt my soul mate. Ill give it the six months and keep you posted. Oh he asked if it was over and try to convince me that it was in the past and we married now. I also feel a since of anger cuz he was my first and only and now he have experienced what I havent. And I did want to but was afraid to lose him in the process.

Bcakes, are you saying here that you wanted to cheat on him too?

""""I also feel a since of anger cuz he was my first and only and now he have experienced what I havent. And I did want to but was afraid to lose him in the process.""""

If that is true then you have definetly not found a soul mate and appearantly neither of you are ready for marriage. You've been involved with this guy for a relatively short time compared to the majority on this website and you've had a very bad experience so far. If I were your older sister or someone close to you, I'd be telling you to get out and get your own self straightened out before getting involved with someone again. You need to figure out what you want in a partner and you need to figure out what you can offer a partner. Just hooking up with someone is not the way to start a life with a life partner.

No... Im saying when I found out I justed wanted to know what it was like. We wasnt together any more.see its confusing for me too. we had problems and i think alot was me pressuring him to get married b4 his deployment(we been together over 5yrs). well he stayed out late party and all that while i sat home worryingand wondering what was going on. well one night i got pissed and called everything off. this was for like 2weeks. well we talked and i thought we was back together and stuff. well he was leaving in july(deploying) and i didnt want him to leave me (sort to speak) so I left b4 him and moved out of state with my folks (in may). well this is when he started messing around. it hurt cuz we had been each others first and supposed to be last. well he didnt tell me til month(s)after. and i was so hurt. didnt know what to do. I had plenty of male friends that still wanted to have a relationship but i refused them because i knew deep down i still wanted to be with my fiance(got engaged on christmas). so i spoke with them but let them know I still loved him and I might not be true to them so it was best we just stayed friend. Well sometimes i feel i messed up or missed out. Maybe I should have dated them to see where it would have gone. But alot of it was to avoid hurting him.Well we started speaking and had what I thought was an honest conversation. I told him bout me going out one night and how some guy tried to have sex with me. I told him that i was curious and have thought about experiencing sex with someone else. I really poured my heart out to him. Well he made it clear that we wouldnt be together if i had sex with another guy. THAT SHIT HURT. He said two wrongs dont make it right. Yeah easy for him to say. Well I forgave him. let him know i was still hurt. So we continued to talk for the next few months. He asked me to marry him and that he was serious. I told him we will see cuz I wasnt gonna tell everyone then we didnt. well we met up again in oct (5months later and after he told me). I prayed all the time. it was a bitter sweet reunion. I was happy to see him but still hurt. S the day b4 i told him i would marry him. I wanted to work out the problems and thought it was a fling. So now he is gone overseas. I would bring up his unfaithfulness alot. I know it was hurting him but it was hurting me more. SO just when I decide to stop thats when I find out the details I was longing for. Im not saying I believe all she said but I do believe some. Im more hurt that he would marry me without telling me the whole truth.

PS Im sorry you asked a simple question and I took you thru the whole thing. I just had to get it out. If you have any more question im ready. I want to make it work. Im young but not dumb. Alot of people are here cuz they have invested more than 10yrs in a marriage. I invested 1 month but been in this relationship almost 7yrs. Thanks again

How old are you both?