Anthony, Kat predates me by a couple of months on the BAN timeline. LeewerD, who posts occasionally, was also a member of the old, private, pay-for-membership BAN. I think we're the only 3 that go back that far that are still active.
RW, last I heard from Peggy a few months back, she was retiring and handing it over to someone she helped train for the job. I'm not sure if her address that's attached to the site is still valid, but here it is if you (or anyone else) wants to try dropping a line:
peggy@dearpeggy.com
Cory
www.blind-justice-self-defense.com
The Three Rules of Happiness: Friends, Freedom and an Analyzed Life - Epicurus
She also has a blog !! Peggy's musings: www.dearpeggy.com/blog/
Some people you can never forget, and never thank enough - she is one of those for me. The woman's work saved my sanity and gave me the strength to face my demons and to be who I am today...and on the journey I found some wonderful life friends.
They are going to DOWNSIZE into an RV and live in it. I am down (sizing) with that. It's something I've been thinking about more and more since I bought my first little trailer last March.
I didn't really say it to illicit a response from you. I said it to give you something to think long and hard about. After 7 years of "healing" you shouldn't have to be still "dealing with it". If you are still trying to deal with the affair then I would have to challenge you and say that perhaps your way of dealing with it just isn't working.
If you bake a cake the same way for 7 years and it flops, eventually you have to come up with a new recipe or change some ingredients.
p.s. that isn't to say that you don't have bad days (everybody has those) but if it still goes back to the affair then that just makes me sad.
This message has been edited by Canuck_Kid on Nov 30, 2006 7:32 AM
To be honest, it came across to me as a "just get over it" response, something I was surprised to read on this forum.
Not at all what I meant. I would never tell you anybody to just get over it because that isn't the way healing works. But I think in order to heal you need to acknowledge where problems are and find solutions to solve those problems - you don't seem blissfully happy (ie your first post was pretty humdrum) so obviously there are areas you still need to do some work on. It seems to me like you have sort of accepted that is the way it just has to be instead of pushing forward and finding a way to make it better.
Perhaps I am wrong since your last post you are now blissfully happy and in love. Perhaps you were just having a difficult day when you wrote your first post, because it definitely came across as you being unhappy and struggling.
> After 7 years of "healing" you shouldn't have to be still "dealing with it".
You admitted in your first post that you think of it everyday. Peggy may say it takes 10 years to get over it but it concerns me greatly that after 7 years it is still a daily thought on your mind. That must put a hell of a lot of stress on a precious body everyday!?
Anthony I see a big difference between burying the memories and dealing with them. I don't think people should bury anything inside. If it still triggers you or still causes pain when you are reminded - then I think that is a perfect opportunity to realize there is work to be done in that area. Our bodies give us clues to these stressors - if we listen long and hard enough.
"An affair is an injury. It leaves a scar. That scar may fade with time, but it will never go away completely."
YES but if it hurts on a daily basis you go to the doctor because something just isn't right. Perhaps you have an infection or perhaps there is a piece of metal or some foreign object inside. If you just suck it up and forget about it then you risk having problems again.
Actually I have pretty much put it behind me and it is very rare that I even think about it anymore. To me it is like a story that happened to somebody else, there is little emotion attached to the event anymore. I am at peace with myself, I am happy with myself and I am okay being by myself. I find I can trust people again - and that is an awesome feeling.
My words are in no way meant to criticize you, but they are merely to help you. I sensed some pain and a lack of peace in your first post so I thought that I could help in some small way.....
