9 years ago (11/28/97)a child was born. I prefer not to go into details about this particular time due to my having been shamelessly manipulated - all I can say is my H was present for the birth - with my blessings !!!!

6 months later H disclosed he was the father - I found Peggy's site within days. As a mental health professional my first action was counseling, only to find it was not working for us, my H was still very much envolved with the mother.

2 1/2 years of triangulation took their toll and H finally agreed to leave our home and go and experience what he wanted so much... to live with OW and OC. This experience lasted only a few months until he realised life with Kat was not only that bad, but it was what he wanted.

OW got married and has had 2 other children since with her current H.

I have had no contact with OC, not since OW decided she would no longer tolerate visitation at our house. H was 'punished' - I was liberated.

His birthday will be celebrated this coming Saturday and every year at this time of the year I get reminded of how easily we could have lost each other - H to this day tell me about telephone calls, needs etc...but OW no longer call him at home and this for years.

So... it is not about the affair anymore - and as I have been known to say: it is about life, the good the bad and sometimes the ugly !! But all thru the years, all thru the pain and the craziness, all thru the ugly times the hardest 'thing' was we still loved each other even when we did not like each other - "I love but I do not like you" was said often - I do not like you when.... I do not like you because...

And as OW said as her parting shot: "You two deserve each other" ... we do... yes we do !!!



And as you walk you make your path Kat

Yes, Kat, you and the T-man deserve each other.

Give him my best wishes.

Chris.

Kat,
Thank you so much for sharing. I'm new to the boards here so I don't know everyone's story. Your story in some ways is worse than mine, but has a happy ending.

I'll tell you mine. H went to Florida to find our future dream retirement home. As it turns out his realtor was part of the package. I found out about 6 months later. I sought legal advice, and decided to file for divorce because my H was not such a great H or father and this was the last straw. Incredibly, H turns into dream H. He's calm - not angry; helpful - not absent; he even seems to care about how my day at work went. In short since D-day he has done everything possible to keep me.

However, 4 months after D-day I find out he had another A 10 years previously. I'm back to square one.

It's been 16 months now, and I feel we're making real strides, but building trust is such a hard task. I was always so trusting before and want to let go and be me again. But that me seems to be gone. I get so discouraged some days.

Thank you for sharing.

Ha Ha to the other Chris. I'm on the Home board. I beat you by one minute!

Geeez Kat, nine years??? Shit, that means we've know each other almost 8 years now.... THAT'S something to celebrate, isn't it?

Don't answer that...

Chrissy, put it in your head RIGHT NOW that you will never trust your H the same way ever again, no matter what he does or does not do. I am approaching D-Day anniversary #8, and I absolutely love my W, and I trust her... About 98%. It will NEVER be 100%, and we both have learned to accept it and be okay with it. When you think about it, you'll realize how illogical putting that much trust in someone is. We're all human, and by definition, we're imperfect. NONE of us deserve to be trusted 100%. I don't even trust MYSELF that much!

Cory

www.blind-justice-self-defense.com

The Three Rules of Happiness: Friends, Freedom and an Analyzed Life - Epicurus

Cory,
Thank you for the advice. I had a blind trust in my H which was really unrealistic. I told him just the other night that I would never trust him 100%, and he became very upset. After I wondered if I was wrong to feel that way. Your words have reassured me. Thanks!

Chris, did you take the trip to your condo? I remember you saying over the holidays - but I don't know if it was Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Monica

My yesterdays are all boxed up - and neatly put away.

Monica,
The trip to Florida is for the Christmas holidays. I'm so looking forward to seeing my son and hope I can manage the triggers. Thanks for asking. I'll let you know how things went.