I guess I'm posting for your prayers. I don't know why I am being made to go thru this. I know other people have it hard, too, but I"m thinking I'm at my breaking point.
I had a seizure in my sleep Monday night. My kids witnessed it and it scared the hell out of them. My son dialed 911. I remember very little of it. I think it was because of the combo of low blood sugar and the meds I was on.
Now I have a $450 ambulance bill that I can not pay. I can't work. I get exhausted just getting up to take a shower. I'm shaky writing this. I have enough for the mortgage for Jan. but don't know about after that.
I have an appt for an MRI and another w/ an orthopedic doctor next week -- that's for the sciatica, as I still still can't sit down.
I don't want to be around my children. I want to go away. I can't deal with their needs and it's frustrating. I need to check out of my life.
I used to work for our counties Visiting Home Health Aide services and they would send me out to help people who were in dire need of some help around the house, be it cooking meals for them, cleaning and doing their laundry or taking them to their Dr. Appts. Why don't you check in your phone book under your county services for Visiting Nurses Asso. or check with your County Assistance Office. They may be able to help you financially. I used to transport people to their Dr. Apts free. Also, maybe check with Office of the Aging, (The older folks request Home Health Aides) quite a bit. Maybe they can recommend some help for you. I am sorry you have to go through this, but there is help out there, Please check and get some help.
thanks for the post. VNA will help if I can commit to $72 a visit, a hahhaha. The social worker assigned to me has not returned calls, thats par for the course. I have meals that people have brought me ... just no energy to make them and to clean up.
I'm isolated here and lonely and can't stand my own company because I feel so defective.
Medicaid ... food stamps ... DDS transportation... put your pride in our pocket and a hancky over it for a while... and apply ! or your children are not going to be able to stay with you - think about it...
How did you get back home after the ER visit? and where were your children? You have a brother close to you, Jean, I know he helped you in the past and you may not want to burden him BUT you need help - close help - hands on help. And, Jean, try to live in the moment, in the NOW... your H's legal probs are not yours and don't make them yours... stop writting scripts or they may become a self fulfilling prophecy. There is nothing wrong in asking for help when one needs it, Jean.
Jean I am sorry that you are in such pain and not feeling well. For your children to have witnessed that is horrible, but it IS a fact of life. Nobody can be 100% all the time. The fact that your children had their wits about them enough to call 911 says alot about their level of maturity and how they handled the situation.
You need to rely on people. You have no choice right now! You need to get whatever help is available to you and your children. There is no place for shame or feeling like you don't want to bother somebody. If you can't take care of your children, then perhaps your brother or his family can help you out there.
I sense depression in your posts as well Jean. The fact that you are tired and overwhelmed, don't want your kids with you right now.....that concerns me! It is easy to let ourselves slip into a depression when the rest of our lives aren't going well and medically things are difficult. But it is a slippery slope because depression does nothing to help us feel better. I truly believe that when we are in a better frame of mind mentally, there are huge physical benefits.
Another thing is about the seizures. Have you had these before?? I am concerned that you have let yourself worry about your exH's situation and everything else building, Christmas pressure, etc and that ALL that stress accumulated to the point where something had to give. I know stress has played a great part in my Multiple Sclorosis, and in other's after the affair in various shapes or forms. I hope that isn't the case, but the thought crossed my mind and I thought I would put it out there.
I know you have a difficult time reading long posts, so I will end this now but just want to say that life isn't hopeless and there is a specific purpose for all of us on this earth. Just take this one day at a time and let yourself heal. Concentrate on doing what NEEDS to be done today (ie feed the kids etc). I know that is hard when you know you don't have mortgage money, but if you worry about everything in combination it is just overwhelming and always makes me feel like I just want to give up.
Please Please take care and know we are here for you in cyberland - sending you a BIG CANUCK HUG.......
Jean, one of the things I had to get over in re-making my own life was accepting help from my parents. I am a very stoic and self-reliant individualist and I believe strongly in making my own way in the world and living with the consequences of my life. It felt like I was giving up that part of myself to take the help they offered freely.
I was lucky, I had a family support net with the resources and time to help me. If they hadn't been able or willing to step in, I would have faced your choice: swallow my pride and get public assistance.
No one is suggesting that you need to become a ward of the state, entirely dependent on public assistance for the rest of your life. You are in a bad place because of circumstances you cannot control, and there is no shame in asking for help when you have none available otherwise.
Jean, with all respect, prayers will help you only so far. You need real live help which you cannot get without asking and pushing a little. My prayer for you is that you have the strength to pursue the help available to you.
I have a social worker assigned to me -- I've left messages and can't get a hold of her. I have food stamps but not medicaid because my time limit for medicaid ran out. Since my income has dropped to nothing, however, I might be able to get it again. It's just getting there. The pain has exhausted me. It is exhausting to take a shower and try to get dressed, let alone try to walk out to the car. I have a chiro appt on Monday, an MRI scheduled for Tues., and an orthopedic appt scheduled for Thurs. I don't know how I'll manage all that. The more I move around, the more pain I'm in. And how to you explain pain to someone? It's a pretty subjective thing.
One thing's fer sure. I look like hell. But I've lost 18 pounds. Pain and a seizure has a way of killing an appetite.
I hadn't had a seizure for 3 YEARS and, before that, it was 2-1/2 years. DAMN. I thought it was behind me.
The sun is shining today and I am trying to pull myself out of this funk but the constant pain is rough.
I do apprecieate everyone's posts, a LOT. If anyone has an inkling to call, I'd love it -- you can emaim me your #. My kids are with their dad this weekend so I'm here all alone and sure could use the company. I'll check my PC later today.
I have a social worker assigned to me -- I've left messages and can't get a hold of her.
Have you by any chance documented those calls? i.e the dates and time? If you had to call her more than 3 times without a call back call her supervisor ! Time to advocate for yourself, dear... btw which state are you in if I may ask - again - lol
In our County, people with low income do not have to pay for their Home Health Aides. Our County Government pays it for them and the transportation is free and comes right to your door. The drivers will come in and help you out. Most drivers do. We also provide a wheelchair if you need it. These services are available to you, but you need to research in the phone book. It doesn't hurt to look does it? While it's quiet today, why don't you look through the phone book under County Government. Did you call the Office of Aging? Maybe they can recommend some free help for you. It's out there, I know it is, because that was my career for the last 12 years. I drove the county vehicles to the individual homes(to people with no, or low income) and picked them up. Lifted them into their wheelchairs, so I know it is out there. Please try to do this for yourself. In the long run, you will be glad you did. You will also get around town and meet people, which is also a side effect of these services. Take care.
If I have made more than 2 calls to a social worker that was to be looking after my case and those calls weren't returned within 24 hours.....I would be calling and asking to speak to a supervisor, manager etc.
Not sure what you left a message saying when you called, hopefully you indicated that the matter was URGENT.
Not sure if it applies there, but any government office here we MUST return calls within 24 hours unless our voice mail specifically says "we are out of the office until xxxxx and will not be returning your call until then. For immediate assistance call our team leader at xxxxxx"
Leaving messages and them not being returned is unacceptable!
Hope today is better for you and you have a chance to look up the things others have suggested.
Another suggestion would be to call the local church (didn't you used to attend one). Speak to the individual in charge (pastor, priest, etc) and he may be able to find another member willing to help you out for a bit.
Help is there, but you need to ask for it. If you can't manage that then phone your brother and tell him what you need and ask him to make the arrangements.
