We talked with the 6 y/o tonite. We asked him if he is scared when he sees mommy or daddy crying or mad. He says yes. We told him we are having some big people problems and that we love him very much. We also told him that just because one of us is sad or mad, we are not mad at him. We told him several times that it is not his fault and that we both love him and his sisters no matter what.

The 16 y/o has really impressed us with her maturity. She is not judging Cyn and has actually been supportive to her. I have checked with her and she glad we are trying to work on the problems we have had as a couple for years.

The 14 y/o is the problem. She is trying to use this to her advantage. She has always wanted to go live with her mother, who abandoned her at 4 y/o. She has always turned any resentment she has had against her mother or me towards Cyn. Talking with her tonight, I confirmed that she wants to go to her mom's even if I made Cyn leave. She has always put her mom on a pedistal. Her mom is holier than God, has no faults, is the perfect mother. The same mom who left her crying in my arms, because she wouldn't show up for any activity my daughter did, despite promising to be there. The same mom who canceled many visitations to go to a hockey game or football game. So many times Cyn or I would have to hold her as she cried because her mom lied to and disappointed her. She told me that she has never liked Cyn, yet Cyn has been a better mother to her than I could have ever hoped. I am going to get her into counselling as soon as possible. She says she won't go. I informed her differently. I told her IC won't tell me what she has to say and she is going. If she chooses to sit for an hour and not talk, that is her choice. I also told her Cyn and I are working things out and she is staying. She can't use this as an excuse. I told her, I have ran from my problems all my life and so has her mom. Look where it has gotten us. I told her how much I loved her and the reason I want her to get IC, is so she doesn't end up miserable and alone because she doesn't know how to face her problems. I am facing this problem, no more running away. I love her and don't want her ending up married to some jack ass like me who doesn't know how to deal with problems when they arise.

BS

Just a thought or two.

There are many ways we run from our problems.

"The 14 y/o is the problem."

Doesn't sound like that to me personally. Sounds like this tender young spirit is trying to survive the situation she has been put in.




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Hopefully it will be a good thing for her to get outside help. It certainly sounds as if she needs outside help.

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I didn't mean she was the problem, not by a long shot. After alot of talk and tears, she came out of her shell last night. I think she realizes that she is not in control of the situation and that she is going to be safe. I called and got authorization for her to see an IC today and I will schedule her an appointment this afternoon. She has needed help for awhile and I just pushed that problem away. Time to stop running. I have been very lucky with all the shit I have pulled, each time something good has come from every crappy thing I have done. I have pushed my luck too long and not listened to what people are telling me. I thought I dug myself a hole I wasn't going to get out of this time, but by the grace of God, somehow I did. I want to thank H2C for preventing me from making a mistake with the 6 y/o and Dave for helping me work out my mistake with the 14 y/o. Thanks to everyone else that tried to stop me from making big mistakes with Cyn, even though most of the time I didn't listen, you did try. As far as the OM, he is getting smaller and smaller, all I can do is try to get rid of him in my mind....try...

BS

Alright then.

Good out of crappy doesn't always hold true though so watch that pattern.

I hope you get more and more good out of the good things you try to do.

I find it best these days to keep my personal (emotional) train on the tracks, control the speed, keep a high beam out there for cows, and to have a destination in mind. I want to get better and I don't want more collateral damage due to his affair, plus my reactionary behavior.

At some point I had to take full ownership of my responses to being deeply betrayed and having my life turned inside out and upside down. That's a tricky little maneuver.

Also, always try to remember that the kids are WATCHING every move you make with yourself. This is what they internalize.

I have 3 kids that came through this ordeal beginning 7 years ago. Two are now grown. They are the ones with all the feedback.


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