Well, tonight the ex calls me and offers me information on his legal drama.It seems this is really serious (I keep having to get my head wrapped around this fact).He has pled “not guilty” to the criminal trespassing charge. And there was a hearing yesterday about for a motion to suppress and dismiss, but now the prosecutor has filed a brief in opposition to that.This seems like it may be drawn out to the limit.The ex seems to think there will be a jury trial on Tuesday. He told me he has 48 hours to decide if he will stick with his “not guilty” plea and risk jail time or plea bargain to escape that possibility.
Okay, here’s the thing,... When I asked him if the trial was still on for next Tuesday, I let it slip that I was planning to come, if I could get time off work (a hard thing to ask for, seeing as how I was off for weeks with my back, etc.).On hindsight, I shouldn’t have let that slip.So then.... he thinks I’m coming to show support for him and asked me about being a character witness.Ugh!I said no, I did not want to be a character witness and would refuse if asked.I don’t think that the prosecution can force me, can it?He seemed amazed that I was not going there to support him.I told him that perhaps he had forgotten the issues that led to the demise of our marriage and that if I were under oath and questioned, that I didn’t think that would be a good scenario for him.I told him that I wanted to go because this is a serious issue and I wanted to see who is bringing charges against him and hear the story from the other side.
THEN he says, “I can’t believe that you really think I would be interested in hanging around women’s restrooms.”And I told him that I didn’t know what to believe, and that I was sorry that he was going through this, but that it wasn’t my job to decide.Well, he got really angry.I told him that it wasn’t my place to judge, but I also reiterated what I had said several years ago, that nothing he might do would surprise me.
Then he tells me that he doesn’t want me to attend the trial. I said okay, but it’s a public place and it’s my decision whether I want to attend.He says “okay then, you can wait outside” the courtroom.Can you imagine?I said, uh, no....I wouldn’t be going just to wait outside the courtroom.I said again that it was a public place and anyone can attend.No one would know who I was, and I wouldn’t volunteer that info.
This whole thing still freaks me out.If he goes to jail – I can’t imagine that.How long would it be for?He says he doesn’t know what the possibilities are.What would I tell the children if it’s a matter of weeks, or longer?How would I pay the bills if I lose the child support?My part-time job won’t cut it.
Anyways... I’m looking for support here.Thanks, friends.
Jean
This message has been edited by Jean150 on Jan 31, 2007 7:55 PM
Jean, he evidently thinks he's still in control. That instinct to control seems to manifest itself in silly and totally ungrounded demands...you can, you can't; do this, do that.
If you had the time and energy to do so, you could probably look up the charge online, especially if it's scheduled for trial. If you have a legal-aid hotline, you might be able to call for more general information about the specific offense and penalties. Then at least you'd know what kind of jail time he might be facing.
I did that back in the fall, and I can't remember what I read beside knowing that there was a possibility of jail time. I know it wasn't a matter of years, but other than that I can't remember.
The ex is evasive (no surprise there) and seems to pretend not to know a lot of things, such as possible length of incarceration. I can't believe he hasn't discussed this possibility with his lawyer.
I think some incarcerated parents manage to get their child support reserved until they're out.
It's scary being in the hands of the court because they make the call, and sometimes there is no justice. Sometimes the mood or personality of the judge factors in. You just wait.
Perhaps you could alleviate some of your anxiety by trying to gather information about local laws for dependent children and incarcerated parents.
You surely do have the right to attend the hearing. Afterall, a good part of your life rests in the balance. Unfortunately, the man's poor decisions have thrown you off balance once again.
The mood of the judge toward the "defendant" seems not good. I just found this out this a.m. on the court's website that the ex's "combined Motion to Suppress Motion to Dismiss is denied." The judge is a woman.
The ex has the children this weekend and I betcha he ain't gonna be in a good mood, with all this, and knowing that I'll be in court on Tuesday.
If what he's charged with is true, well, it's just a continuance of his addiction. If he cracks mentally or emotionally, I'll really be concerned for the kids. I doubt that his girlfriend, who lives out of town, knows anything about this, as he likes to keep his life so very much compartmentalized.
Well, the outcome will be the same with or without you.
It might give you more understanding of that outcome if you attend. It's going to impact your kids, and that is another consideration. Will you feel better prepared to relay some perspective to the kids if you see and hear the whole process?
x
This message has been edited by Red--Wolf on Feb 5, 2007 7:18 PM
or you could drag yourself there through the cold only to find it will be remanded, or the judge cancelled or whatever. Court dates aren't all they are cracked up to be. I used to work as a legal secretary and spent many many boring hours in front of judges.
Jean I would gladly take those temps and windchill. For the past three nights the windchill has been hovering around -47C and I just converted that for ya'll - it's -52F. During the day it warms up (lol) with a windchill of only -34 F or -37C.
Temperature wise we are hitting nightly lows of -30F and during the day it warms up to around -14F.
It is supposed to warm up before next weekend!!!
I've been bundled up not doing much here. Went for groceries tonight since -14 felt warm!!!
THANK GOD for heated seats, remote car starters AND block heaters otherwise I would be a popsicle buried until spring thaw
Jean - can you remain comfortable sitting in the courtroom being completely quiet and listening to things that may make you cringe?
If you feel you should go then go. The decision is yours!
HOWEVER.... I just tried to start my car and the ignition won't unlock!! ughghg! I had this problem about 2 weeks ago and thought that it was because it was because I was using the spare key, but the regular one won't work now! ahhghaghg!
Yeah, in fact a bit ago I looked that up on the web and, after a bit more frustration, it worked. But when I took the key out of the ignition and tried it again, it wouldn't work again. Ugh! Quite a bit of fiddling! I think I'll leave the key in the ignition tonight (and lock it with another key). And I'm charging the battery all night. We'll see what happens. Besides this court thing, I have to get to work after that!
Time for a newer car. Fitting that into my budget will take a miracle.
Good thing I checked the court's website yesterday morning! (I went there to get the address to I could get driving directions.) I checked his case while there and found that there was a motion granted for a continuance until March 20! So nothing happened yesterday. I am a bit amazed that this is taking so long. It's driving me a bit nutso, but at least I have one more month of assured child support.
Jean, we just finished a case yesterday that origninated in August, 2005! I think these things move rather slowly with a private attorney (versus a public defender).
Monica
My yesterdays are all boxed up - and neatly put away.
otherwise I would be a popsicle buried until spring thaw