May 15 is around the corner – d-day as we call it – d-day 9 years ago ! It will be another day as it has become the last few years. So why mention it now? Maybe because on and off I have been involved with sites such as this one for this long, maybe to “show” that there is life after an affair – even with a child thrown in the middle. I feel fortunate that after my H made his final decision – after OW understood she was not going to have my life but her own, she did. She married a single man (lol) and has 2 other children with him. My H shares with me any contact with the mother of his child – the latest one being yesterday. And I feel NOTHING, just a big blank – I am not in denial – I know how this child came about but I am in no way invested – call me cold but for me it is a survival coping mechanism and everyone involved accepts my thinking or lack of.
As I keep mentioning it is not about the affair anymore – it is about life and sometimes it is not pretty ! I am still struggling with the repercussions – my professional career got in shambles right before d-day and I have been known to resign from a position rather to play well with others – I no longer take bull shit in any shape or form, and I have now a well rounded resume LOLLOL which what I wanted it to look years ago but not for the same reasons.
As a couple we are doing as well as we know we could have lost each other in the aftermath of the nuclear blast. Both of us are survivors and as such we know how to fight ‘dirty’ when needed but we don’t anymore, no need. We have seen each other’s ‘dark side’, touched it, and even at times wounded it but no more, no need. We know it is ‘there’ and always will be. Sure we have disagreements – but I have learned to choose my battles, we have learned how to choose our battles. I can restrain my firry personality; he has learned to open up, to get out of his brain to get into his heart, I have learned to get out of my heart and get in my brain. In a word we are kind to each other – most of the times LOL We are still learning – we are still a work in process – still walking our path hand in hand – kind of trail blazing our own life together. Marriage is NOT for the faint of heart ! Do we love each other? Yes we do. But we are 2 separate entities who created a third one called marriage.
Thank you for writing this.........I have so many feelings that I am never sure where we are going or if we will get there, your post helps me to know that we can. Your post helps me to understand why some days I HATE him and some days I LOVE him.
Linda, is that really any different than before d-day? Marriage involves some stretches where we really don't like our spouses. It's just that after d-day we're hyper-sensitive for a long time.