I happened across this today.

check this out..



I heard a lot of what has been advised on this site here in this interview and yet a different twist on the information you should or shouldn't give to your BS and how it actually won't help to exchange actual sex details. Paying later when your intimate with your partner & because of the flashbacks it pulls you back apart(I felt that again lately). Thoughts that never will go away for the BS. Now prolonging recovery or, causing a poss. failure.

*Also, interesting to me was the emotional affair(how this effects woman more).
*How people don't think that it's an affair unless it's actual intercourse.

I don't feel still that it's necessary to renew the memories fresh now again in my mind and in my H. & how he's even imagining what happened like it's fact. When it isn't. I keep trying to remain calm and he goes overboard endlessly. Rehashing the raw anger and disgust that he originally felt. Like he's feeding off of it. I don't understand, why he wants to feel this again and again..?


HIS BIG HEAD...

I think that this applies in my own personal marriage: The the flurting and betrayal that went on & on for years with these women. Their attractiveness to him and vis-versa. How wonderful they were he thought and, he would tell me so. Or, what they can offer someone(like you I thought to myself). How they would prosper with someone like him in their lives. Giving attention to these other woman who were dealing him cards at the Casino or, bringing him drinks or, playing next to him at the BJ table for the entire day and into the night. Then sitting next to him on the Casino bus on the way home @2am. None of this was supposed to affect me?
He would rather be up there hanging around with them and, gambling our livelyhood than be with me at home with his babies, I needed his help. He hadn't gone to work that day, that's all I knew because he had made this a reg. habbit. Meanwhile, who cares that he never came home at all and didn't care to call me until 10:00 or even 12:00am. Letting me know that at least he was okay..(laughing it off w/them). While the ball and chain that holds him back was supposed to wait around like a dusty old pair of sneakers. This stuff just kept building up a barrier wall in my heart that kept growing.

Does this qualify as an emotional and physical affair that he was living? I feel it does. Because he was finding pleasure in his wreckless habbits with these women and, enjoyed they're att. and fed off of their desires.

Also, all those sexual affairs that he had with other women before we were married(that he thinks don't count). Even though we were not together for a year, during that time. He never really left me alone.
He maintained an emotional tie with me by calling calling constantly. Physically visited every chance he got when in town. Always trying to rekindle things so, I don't feel we were completely seperated.
He wanted no less than the relationship back. Based on our closeness still and, needed to know wheather I had seen anyone else because if I had. Than he would understand and he still wanted to be with me and didn't care about the past. But, because I said I hadn't been with anyone else. He told me that he hadn't been with anyone else either dismissing what he had done and/or considering me a liar and never to tell of them other women he had slept with.
I think that we built our relationship up from that point to present day and, he held back this information and gave me no choices for myself to accept him back with the truth or not. I didn't know of these women until my A so it makes his arguement of betrayal, lies and misplaced trust pathetic to me and a mockery. At least he knew as soon as it happened and I resent his feeling vicimized because he has betrayed me many time in our relationship. I had to wait for over six years to hear the truth. As he spat it in my face with pure hatred.

I don't see how he can consider himself any better than I. I don't know what I'm doing here sometimes...
m.