I've been busy moving 1500 km's away from home, starting my new job and buying a house so I haven't had much time to post.
I'm in Ottawa now and living out of a hotel for a month. Thankfully the hotel has free high speed so I could hook up my computer.
I don't know anybody here so it makes for some interesting times. I spend most of the time lost or confused lol.
I get the keys to my new home on Oct 10th. I can't wait to sit in front of the fireplace on a cold winter day or take a bath in the huge tub. I haven't had a bath since I sold my house last Aug. The things we miss.....sigh!
Anyway, I'm doing well and I hope you are also Charlie.
Are you working Charlie? Kid-how exciting! A new life.
I just spent a week in New York City. What a hoot. I went with son #3. We stayed at the Roosevelt Hotel right across from Grand Central station. Both buildings are gorgeous. We went to see a Broadway play- August Osage County. It won a Tony, Pulitzer, and best new play of '08. It was outrageous and fantastic. The best play I've ever seen. Got tickets to Letterman and saw Bill Clinton and Chris Rock. What a contrast!
And best of all I had four dates with a native New Yorker. We went to dinner twice. At the "Top of the Tower". Eleven stories in the sky, surrounded by windows. I could see the entire city and the East River. Magical.
And New Yorkers are very nice. I loved it and will be going back. But first he's coming here.
Now I'm home and have to deal with "reality". My beautiful husky has a mast cell tumor that can spread. Tomorrow she goes in for surgery. I sure hope we get the financial mess in this country straightened out, 'cause vets aren't cheap! Damn.
It would sure be nice to catch up with some other folks from here. You know who you are. Don't be shy.
I've had LOTS of changes lately. I finished my last class for my BSBA in August, I worked over the summer in a job that had great pay but was way too far away, my kids were suffering for it and I was bored to death. I decided to go back to the university and found out if I took a 10 week Career Switcher program (6 credits toward a Masters), I could teach computer science and business for our local schools so I am now in that program and will substitute teach for a while in hopes of getting in sooner. I know the pay won't be as good teaching but I think it will be best with the boys. I found out my oldest son with the disability had no daycare at 13 years old in the middle school he just started attending, since there wasn't enough demand. The only place that did have daycare for kids with disabilities was 15 minutes away from their school and they didn't provide transportation. It isn't easy to find someone who can do sign language to be able to talk to him. All this made me think about how I could fix this problem and teaching and being off mostly when they are would work out well. I think I will enjoy teaching but I'm not crazy about the money. I think our quality of life will be much better.
My boyfriend and I broke up for good. Although he was the first to mention marriage to me and we both thought we were very compatible, when I came around and started asking about it, he had no idea how we could ever make it work. He didn't want to sell both houses to buy a larger one where we could all fit, he didn't want to sell his and didn't want me to put money into his b/c he is too scared we would divorce in the future and he'd lose his house. We both realized that this was some of his baggage and that he would have to deal with it. I realized that I didn't want to wait for someone who didn't think we could ever pull it together so we mutually agreed we would break it off. He admitted that he was too fearful of another marriage and that was something he wasn't sure he could change. Hurtful, but I feel like it was the right choice for me. That was a few weeks ago so I guess I'm back into the dating world now. I'm beginning to think I'll be single for life. I would like a partner to share things with eventually. It almost seems like the real nice guys I've found for long term relationships are also perhaps the ones that hung in through a lot of crap from their previous spouses and very afraid to marry again or lose their possessions.
I've been a little frustrated and have thought about moving to be near my family but I have too many reasons to stay here. One because of the teacher program that I paid a lot of money for will endorse me in the state of VA and can't use it anywhere else until I've established myself for a year, two because my ex probably wouldn't allow it, and three because my son is in a special hearing impaired program (because he mainly uses sign language) and I would have to fight to get him in another because he isn't deaf. I did fight it here for a long time. Oh, and four, my parents live in the boonies in FL and I don't really like the area. They have tried convincing me to move there.
I'm a little sad without family and being finished with school and losing a great boyfriend but this too shall pass. I've certainly been through harder stuff as those of you who know me understand.
Kid, what made you want to move? I can't remember you saying you were moving again. I hope you'll be happy there.
MM, I hope this relationship work out, it is SO hard to date in your middle years, isn't it?
RW, how long do you have left? I hope it will be swift.
If it is one thing I know you are accustom to doing it is picking yourself up, dusting off your knees and getting back on the horse. You'll be fine, but give yourself some time to hurt too.
I know the feeling about being away from family. I guess when my dad died things really changed for me. My mother, whom I'd never been close to, started to frustrate me and annoy me more than usual. For a while I was very mad at my dad for leaving me to have to deal with her alone. My sister lives half way across Canada and isn't there to pick up the pieces, which left me to. As a result, Kim didn't have time to grieve, and that is not a good thing. My mom was relying on me to do too much for her like shovel snow, fix things, help her plant the garden, clean for her, do dishes, etc etc. I decided that the best way to help her was to stop enabling her to pawn the tasks off on me.
I think part of me leaving Thunder Bay was running from the painful memories and the past. The memories from my ex were all but forgotten but then my dad died. For some reason the loss of my dad made me rethink some of my decisions and made me realize how short life is and how valuable every moment is. I'd think of a funny fishing story with my dad, and my ex would pop into my head because it usually involved him too. They hung out all the time fishing, having a few beer, camping and doing those male bonding things. They were always playing jokes on each other.
The day of my dad's funeral I sat alone on a church pew crying while everybody else in my family had somebody to hug or hold. I never realized until that moment how alone I feel sometimes and how out of place. My dad was a special male in my life, especially after the ex/affair. He was always there for me (unlike my mom) and then in the blink of an eye he was gone too.
For almost a year now i've felt empty inside. I couldn't go to my mom's house without leaving in tears. I couldn't look at my dad's truck without thinking of him. I'd pick up the phone only to realize he wasn't there to talk to. My mom would call and the caller ID would have his name. Something would break and need fixing and there was nobody to call. Everytime I'd drive past a lake (lots in N Ont) I'd burst into tears thinking of our fishing trips. I guess the long and short is......I'm hurting and I thought by leaving Tbay the hurt would disappear.
I thought I could start a new life, with a new career and new friends and I'd feel alive again. Without the reminders in my face daily (truck, house, pics, toys, etc) that I would feel better.
It wasn't really a bad decision. It was a good career move and put me into a management level, a good place to be since many managers are nearing the end of their careers. This level of job would never be offered in Tbay.
Ottawa has alot more men. I've talked to a couple so far that have given me their numbers, I've just been too chicken to call. I've been off the horse WAAYYY too long lol.
Anyway, I've written a book and ended up sobbing over the chapters so hopefully they make sense. I've always thought about a job in Ottawa, but never thought I'd do it. In fact, I never thought I would have a shot at this job, and I got it.
Life has many twists and turns. I've been lost before so I know what needs to be done to find my way. Sometimes its just easier to wing it than follow a map.
Once I'm settled into my house with all my belongings I'm sure I will feel so much better.
Charlie, as the saying goes, this too shall pass. We both have the determination to get through these little blips in the road. One day soon our luck will change.
The change in scenery is crucial, I think, to moving on. I live in a big enough city that getting a new job and moving to a different part of town took me out of the everyday reminders of "my old life".
Now that my son has left for college, I'm home alone and feeling it. . As with Charlie's situation, there's always baggage the second time around. The truth is that going through the failure of a marriage creates a good bit of doubt...but it has helped me to know exactly what to look for in a wife. Fortunately, there is someone very special in my life and I hope we can make that leap of faith together.
I hope you can make it too Chris. My BF doesn't want the relationship to end but he also can't figure out how it would work. I need more than that so...
Kid, you are very brave to do that by yourself. I know I'm here by myself but I had made friends here when I was still with my spouse so at least some of my friends who didn't move are here. Do you know anyone in that area?
Kid, I was really moved by your post. I felt much the same when my father died and it was extremely lonely. I think the loss of my dad brought up so many other losses, like the dreams for my marriage and others, and at times it was overwhelming. Soon after that my daughter's pet mouse died (I mean really, a mouse!) and I just remember crying and crying, completely overreacting to it. It was hard to find joy in anything.
I really hope you find peace and happiness with your move. I have lived in the same area my whole life so I imagine it is kind of scary to make a move to a new city. But at the same time it opens a whole new world of possibilities for you.
As for me, a quick update for those who remember me. I think last I posted was about a little more than a year ago, I was separated but still living in the same house as my ex-to-be, then I was laid off from my job. Well I got a new, better job, but then my son who has special needs had some significant issues and dealing with them was a priority. It took many months to work that out.
So at this point we have been separated but living in the same house for two years. I have presented very reasonable settlement agreements to my ETB but he has refused to discuss it or to provide any financial information. Refuses to agree on anything in regard to selling the house, so that we could actually live separately. So my only option is to file and let a judge decide the distribution of our assets and custody, which seems unbelievable but it is what it is. I filed for divorce in July, there is a scheduling hearing in December where a court date will be set, probably 6-12 months from then. If I had known how slow the process was I would have filed a year ago. I don't know how we will sell the house in this crazy economy.
In the meantime, my kids know all about it and both my son and daughter seem to be doing well. My son is in a new school that hopefully will be able to help him. I just survived a round of layoffs at my new job. Things have been really stressful but there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it is still pretty far away, and that has really helped me cope. I am managing to find a little more fun in my life lately. I am getting used to the idea that I will be single and it isn't nearly as scary as it once was. So maybe there is some value in such a long process.
Anyway, it is nice to read about how you are all doing.
I think those of us married a long time tend to go very slowly. I'm familiar (from these boards) with a bunch of cases where long-married people waited years and years to divorce...then were met with all kinds of nonsense from the (former?) betraying spouse. In some cases the affair(s) never stopped. In other cases, the affair(s) were just indicators of other issues the BS had to deal with on his/her own.
Most folks who, like you, really tried to be fair or to take the high road, ended up emotionally spent and eager for "the end"...as in, "when will this finally be over?"
It's especially tough in a case like yours, with a spouse who won't communicate.
Look on the bright side...in a year or two when it's time to finally sell the house, the economy will have to be better.
It was good to hear from you. I'm glad your finally in the process of completing everything and that you found a new job. That must be frustrating with your kids dad not communicating. He probably knows that should you get custodial care of the kids that he will be the one that is ordered to leave the house until you sell so I imagine that is why he is reluctant to discuss it. He just wants to stay longer and not have to deal with the aftermath. I'd like to chat with you about something I just learned with my special needs son but I'm not sure I still have your e-mail address - I'll have to check further. Do you have mine?
Thanks for thinking of me Charlie, I can use all the help I can get. I don't have your email, not sure what is the best way to send it to you privately?
Sounds interesting. Where and how did you meet him? Did you know him before you went to NY? Details missy, details....