My husband of 9 years had an emotional affair with an ex gf. She contacted him of facebook. It started out innocent and quickly turned into more. A few weeks after she contacted him, his password changed (we had always had each others email and fb passwords) and I knew something was going on. I was able to get his new password, logged on and they were IM each other. It was the worst day of my life. What I read will always be ingrained in my mind. I sent the kids next door, called him home and confronted him. I called the other woman. They continued the relationship for 5 weeks and then he cut off contact with her. He decided he now wanted to work on the marriage. During those 5 weeks, I filed for separation and started therapy on my own.
It's been 4 months now. But the pain is still fresh. He is doing his best to make our marriage work, but I can't get over the pain. I don't know what to do. Some days are good, but most are not. I am to a point that even talking about the details will put me into a depression for days. What do I do?

Sorry you had to find us. We all remember those days.

First...and most bluntly: it will take a long time to get past the pain. I don't think any of us ever really "get over it". It just gets smaller and smaller.

Secondly...hard as it is, try to focus on very simple stuff: taking care of your kids, and especially, taking care of yourself. Eat right, exercise some, sleep right.

The hard part: don't allow yourself to focus so much on "the details". Some people report good results by setting aside (only letting themselves) deal with, think about, or talk about affair stuff for a limited amount of time every day, then every other day, then eventually every week. That takes a really disciplined mind; it's not "denial", just a sort of self-saving "compartmentalization" to take back your life from affair talk, painful triggers, and memories.

Some people even find that it helps to come here and share their feelings.



Again...sorry you had to join the club no one wants to belong to.

Chris.