I'am very new to this but i'm looking for some advice from women who have gone through a similar experience. My husband Mark and I have been married for 7 yrs. but we have been together for 13 yrs.We share 2 beautiful chidren a boy and girl 11 and 9. A few yrs. ago i found out my husband was having n affair with a co-worker later I would find out it had been going on for quite some time. My husband has always been good to me then one day things started changing he would constantly have attitudes with me and would start arguments with me.I would constanly sit home and cry while he went out at nights and return in the wee hrs. of the day. I hurt so bad but I thought he was just neglecting me to be with his friends. He would call me at work and tell me things like he was bored with me and that he was unhappy or that he wanted to participate in threesomes, it was always something. He would never tell me this to my face always when I was at work. One day while sitting home I decided to look at my cell phone bill because the charges was outrageous we shared the same account but it was in my name I saw a number on there all the time so i decided to call the number when a female answered i almost died. I didn't know what to say at first so I hung up. I called the number back again and this time i spoke to her I asked her how she knew my husband and she said I don't feel comfortable about talking to you. I got my answer, when my husband came home I confronted him about her and his first reaction was he didn't know her then he changed it and said she was a secretary at his job. I asked are you and her having an affair he swore up and down no this went on for some time we would constantly argue and he would constantly go out. I would beg and plead for him to stop doing this or just leave. When he would call my bluff and start packing his clothes i would snatch them away from him and yell she can't have you your're staying with me and your children. Oneday he did leave after we had a terible fist fight and he left for almost a yr. During that time I had to make adjustments he left me with a stack of bills past due and my son's birthday and the children going back to school. I had no money saved because all of my money was going direct deposit into his bank account. I wanted to lay down and die but when i looked at my children and saw how much they needed me I sucked it up I eventually paid all my bills to zero gave my son best birthday I could and bought there school clothes and supplies I bought me nothing during this time Thanksgiving came and we had to eat at a friend's house. Christmas came we got a small tree and tried to get as many presents as I could for my kids I didn't want to ruin ther holiday so I borrowed money worked overtime and managed to have them wake up Christmas morning happy.Their father did not in all that time call or send a card nothing. I finally was able to pay my debts and open a bank account and have a nice little rainy day money set aside. I was so lonely after awhile he did call and started talking about how he missed his family and home, this went on for awhile with him coming over late nights to have sex with me. I was so desperate I let him do it. Then I asked him to come back home and he did. I was happy the kids were happy and we were a family again. Then oneday after about a year I received a call from the other woman saying she had his baby that was a month old again my heart died so again I confronted him and he denied it and even called her in front of me and they argued but after that I haven't heard form her since, and it's been about a yr. Now here we are in the present and abouth a year ago he left his job so for the past year I have been his sole support. I pay all the bills and whatever my chidren needs. I don't complain because he takes the kids to school and does all the extra things I can't do because I have to work. Now I found out he has been going on the internet and visiting chat rooms and web sites like married but looking for more or in house calls sex sites. I found this out the day before Thanksgiving. I started crying and asking him why and he says that he don't be visiting those sites that those are popups that show up as sites he visited he used this same excuse before when I had found some pictures of women in his photodocs file where store family photos. Of course he did not spend Thanksgiving with us he stayed in the bedroom saying things like i'm a little miss know-it-all. I decided to stand up for my self and called him what I know he is a lie and a cheat who is very selfish. Here I am busting my tail day in and day out to pay bills and this is how i'm rewarded. Well today after sleeping on the couch for the last 2 days. I started feeling maybe I was wrong about him that he isn't going out at night anymore he is always here and sometimes I get to leave work early and he doesn't know from one day to the next if I've left early and I would come home and he would be here on the computer trying to set up his own website. I got up this morning and went to my bedroom with nothing on and ask him to forgive me and to make love to me he did and said forgave me. But, he is still locked up in the bedroom and he won't even interact with his children or me. He still acts like he mad at me. I'm sitting here trying not to cry and saying to myself I want to believe his sincerity but I just can't I love him so much it's almost scary to love a person that much. I'm not overweight I'm no halle berry but i can hold my own in the looks department,I'm 35 and still look 25 despite all this stress, he's 31. we are considered to be a good looking couple. I just don't know what to do I can't shake this feeling that ultimately he has to go but I'm fighting with myself cause I feel I want him to stay. I wanna let go and move on I just don't know how. I feel defeated that this is what god intended for me.I'm going through such sadness. How could someone just hurt you this way if all you have is good to them. I have no family other than him and my kids. Well this is my story, all replies are welcomed.