After 25 years of marriage my W starts complaining that we were not communicating any more and she started accusing me of looking at and wanting other women. I though we had a good relationship. So in January of this year we started family therapy. It lasted for about one month and we decide to stop. We started to fight all the time about who I am looking at and that I do not what her anymore. We start therapy again with a different counselor who is much better that the old one. We took a long weekend trip and are in the car 4 hours from the house when my wife states that things are going so well for us now she needs to let me know sheís been having an A for the last 4 years with someone at work who I know very well. D-day May 17, 2007. Talk about the longest ride home between crying, yelling, and threatening, I call the OM and was on way to his house as my first stop back in town. Oh and the other thing she needed to tell me is that I needed to get test for STDís, they were having unprotected sex and she has an infection which she is being treated for. My wife called our counselor who talked to me on the cell and when we got back in town at 9 p.m. he talked me down for about 2 hours. The next day I went to the OM house to talk to his wife but she would not answer the door I also started leaving phone messages for her that the A was going on. The OM called my wife and called her a liar that the A did not happen and she was making it up and I need to stay away from his wife which my counselor convinced me to do. This A was both emotional and sexual. She tells me they start out with just talking about their problems and somehow ended up in bed and she has no clue how it happened. She says she always loved me the whole time and is sorry for causing so much pain and will do anything to keep us together. She said it did not mean anything to her and felt bad after each time they had sex. I canít understand this statement. We are still going to family therapy and I have spent about $500 at Amazon.com buying books on the subject. The first few weeks I was drinking every day (Wild Turkey) but have now stopped but there are a lot of broken things around our house, doors, walls, tables and I have taken every picture down of us.
My W seems to be taking it very lightly she thinks I should put it in the past so we can move on with our lives. What a bunch of BS! She said its over and it will not happen again. One day at work I wrote a list of questions I needed answer to, many of them being very detailed about the A, places, times, what they talked about, what she felt, and even what physical things they did. Most of the information was hard to listen to and very graphic and upsetting. I think she was partly truthful. I told her she needed to leave her job which she has been able to do by transferring to a different location in another city which will take affect in August. I am thinking about selling the house because itís not our home any more. I just wish the housing market was stronger in our area.
We both have fairly good jobs and work a lot of hours; however I do all the shopping, cooking, laundry, yard work, and when my kids were little did much of their activities with them. I just donít understand any of this or where I went wrong. I do blame myself, my W, the OM and his W. I am angry at everyone. However I only what to punish my W and the OM. I spend my whole day thinking about the A. I have no trust and do not believe her what ever she says. She says I love you but she has said this many time to me when she was sleeping with the OM. Thatís all for now I have to go vomit again.