So here I sit 15 years past dday. My h got ow pregnant the first month they were together. The child will be 15 in March this year. She lives with us every other week and with her mother every other week. She is a dear sweet child and goes through life as thoughtfully as a teenager can. Ow is now married to someone else. She spent years trying to snag my h as a dad for her kid, but he kept coming back to me. Sometimes, most of the time, I wish he had just dumped me for her and gone on with life. BUT, then we would not have our son who is a year and a half younger than 'their' child. Life is complicated. I was lied to over and over about the affair 'supposedly' ending and always found out it hadn't, for about 5 or more years. I tried to break things off when our son was 2 or 3 and he cried so much for his daddy that we decided to stick it out for him. Now my son is 13 and I think the A is over, I just trust it is even though trust does not really exist anymore. Looking backwards tells me I should probably have done things differently, but I didn't, so I look a lot at the present. The present has its ups and downs and the A does not stench the air the way it used to. I try to love my h, but I think I tolerate him and he says he loves me. Too difficult to know what is real there, but we live together, laugh together, deal with unruly children together and just go from one moment to the next, together. It ain't great, but it ain't horrible either. It is life as I know it for the moment.

In the past 3 years I was diagnosed with MS. This is a disease that affects the mylin of the nerves. It is a disintegration of the protective sheath around the nerves. Seems rather fitting, but I am combatting that the best I know how.
jbean

I am new to this site. My d-day was almost 4 months ago. My story is similiar to yours except I didn't find out about the OC until she was almost 16. The OW allegedly got pregnant as a result of a one-night stand with my H during the 3rd year of our marriage. He admitted to the affair but forgot to mention the OC when he confessed one year later. All along he was secretly "going to visit the OC" at the OW's home. They allege she got pregnant the second time they had a "one night stand" in our ninth year of marriage. While I had felt something was wrong on and off for the least 6 or 8 years, my H denied everything when asked. Things would change and be really good for 3-6 months and then he would become distant again. The OW called me the day after my 19th wedding anniversary to tell me these 2 children belonged to my H. I have been trying to figure out what to do the last 4 months. The OW says my H will only be allowed to see the OC if I am not around. He is allowing her to control him in this way. I think I am now at the point that this is unacceptable. Since d-day, my H has visited them at his parents. We have a 14 year old daughter. I wish I would have been told about the OC. I don't think I would have remained in the marriage. Our daughter is suffering so much because of the lies and deception. OW claims to be in a committed relationship with a boyfriend, but I doubt she has a boyfriend. Why is she so set on trying to continue to cause problems in our marriage if she has a boyfriend? Why is she using the OC and why is my H allowing it, if there is not anything going on?

<< Sometimes, most of the time, I wish he had just dumped me for her and gone on with life. BUT, then we would not have our son who is a year and a half younger than 'their' child. Life is complicated>>

I have felt the same way. I don't understand why my H has not left me. He has said "that it is obvious that he loves me". But it is not obvious to me. I question what he thinks love is and what it means to love someone. You are lucky in that your son has always known about the OC.

<<<Looking backwards tells me I should probably have done things differently, but I didn't, so I look a lot at the present. The present has its ups and downs and the A does not stench the air the way it used to.>>>

Please share with me what you see you should have done differently as you are able to look back. I try to look for what good can come from all of this. As a Christian, I am trying to hold onto the verse that says God can use all things for the good to those who love him. I would if I will be able to help someone else thru a similiar situation as a result of this.

<< I try to love my h, but I think I tolerate him and he says he loves me. Too difficult to know what is real there, but we live together, laugh together, deal with unruly children together and just go from one moment to the next, together. It ain't great, but it ain't horrible either. It is life as I know it for the moment. >>

I am starved for those precious words. My H said in counseling he thought the word "love" had been overused and cheapened by some. He will sometimes say he loves me in response to me telling him but he doesn't say it otherwise. We have lived together and never seperated the last 20 years. I find myself trying to identify what was the truth about our marriage. Was it all a lie? Did he ever love me? It has been so long since we have laughed together. Do you regret staying with your H? How old were you when you found out and how long had you been married?

<<In the past 3 years I was diagnosed with MS. This is a disease that affects the mylin of the nerves. It is a disintegration of the protective sheath around the nerves. Seems rather fitting, but I am combatting that the best I know how. >>

Sorry to hear about your MS. I pray you will be able to continue enjoy all the things in your life as before and that it only be permitted to limit you in very few areas of your life. You have suffered so much pain, it doesn't seem fair you should have to deal with anything else.