My name is Chris; I was married from 1983-2003.

I discovered my wife’s emotional and physical affair in March, 1999 (while we were already in counseling) when she left the house after an argument and left a secret email account open. After more counseling and much struggle on my part (and some long-term post-d-day lying and hiding behavior on her part) our marriage degenerated seriously during 2003. During that time, some friends helped me to see that there was a considerable amount of emotional abuse in my marriage, both ways.

I filed for divorce, and we separated in January, 2004. The divorce will be final any time now. We have two sons; my older son is a freshman in college and lives with his mother when not at school. My younger son is a freshman in high school and lives with me. We have now been through an entire year of living separately and “celebrating” holidays (last weekend was the first Christmas of separate households).

I am “stuck” with two legacies (besides infidelity and divorce): the family home (where I live with my son) and the family business (where I have worked for 15 years) that must be sold. Once those are sold, I must move and find a new career.

So I have the “maximum stress” set: divorce, move, and job change, almost simultaneously. I will be participating mostly on the “Further” and “Divorce” boards and Chat. I am far removed from d-day, but I can still often be of help to people who have just discovered their spouse’s affair(s), even if it's only to "listen" and to reassure.

I swing a pretty mean 2x4 from time to time. You will not have to guess at what I am saying to you most of the time.



Chris.

I have rented a small house for my son and me (and our three mutts ), and we will soon be moving out of the only home he's ever known (and my home of almost 20 years). My divorce was final in February.

I am feeling more at peace, since moving will really mean "starting a new life in a new place".

Chris.

Well, "moving shortly" turned out to mean "in a year". I shut down my business in summer of 2005 and got a job working for someone else in the same industry; settling up the business and house affairs took another year so I moved just before summer.

This week, I accepted my "dream" job and I start in a couple of weeks. Over the past two and a half years I have completely changed my life as the result of divorce. Some of it was voluntary (career change) and some of it was forced (move) but all of it has been positive.

At the beginning of the divorce process several friends told me "it's the best thing that ever happened to me".

Now I understand why they said it. It's true for me, too. As the line from the Eagles' song "Already Gone" says...

"So oftentimes it happens
That we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key..."

Chris.

Compared to what it was three years ago, my life is totally different today.

I live in MY house, instead of in OUR house. My younger son is fairly well adjusted to living in our new place. My older son is pretty much on his own, in his junior year in college.

I have my dream job, and work is interesting and challenging every day. My office is in a converted 100-year-old house, which by itself is a wonderful thing. It is a place full of light and warmth. I really like the people I work with.

And someone special found me.

Almost eight years after d-day, I am healed, happy, healthy, and whole. My divorce has indeed led to a whole new life, one I couldn't even imagine eight years ago...or even three years ago when my ex-wife moved out.

Healing is possible even when you have to let go of your marriage.

Chris.

... glad to hear it!



SWN