Members of Affair Discovery and Recovery: Do I want to do this???

I just found this site today but I found out out about my W affair in March. I need to take you back many years. We have been married for 19 years and the entire time it has been a struggle. We live in MD and my W is from PA and she never adjusted to life here. I tried to to do everything I could to make life for us good but the PA factor was always there. As we grew apart we moved into separate rooms but maintained a working relationship for the kids. In November of this past year she told me she was not happy and needed more attention, I tried to be their for her but she said at times I was smothering to her. I found emails on an email account we shared in the trash bin from men offering to meet for lunch, she told me that it was just a joke nothing was going on. Soon after this she put a computer in her room and spent all evening and late into the night typing away. I found out she had posted her bio on a singles web site and was IM'ing different men. I confronted her about this and again she said it was just talk and that nothing was going on. At this point I new she was meeting different men on lunch dates and had fallen for a married man with five children. I was reading her mail and started following her and saw her meet men in public places and go back to their cars for attention. I know of two men she had sexual relations with the married man and a first meeting with a county police officer. I saw the email to the officer the day after the encounter and went straight to the lawyer who I had already talked to. I confronted her about the night before and she admitted to having sex with him. After a lot of screaming and crying I allowed her to stay in the house. We were proceeding with the divorce and were trying to work on things. I asked to stop the paperwork and try to work on repair the marriage she said she needed more time to see if she wanted a relationship with me or not. She is currently on several single sites and meets men for lunch dates only. I wanted her to come off the sites so we could work on us but she said she needs six months to see what she wants. If I say no and tell to come off now she wants a full separation and will date who ever she wishes. Currently we have an agreement of daytime only dates and no touching below the neck. I am not happy but this is the only way to keep her in the house so I can keep an eye on her. We have told the boys 15 & 17 nothing but I believe they know everything. After everything came out I tried to make her jealous and I went out on lunch dates with a few women, I had no interest but it did not seem to phase her. I told her I am not seeing or corresponding with anyone during our six month period and asked her to do the same. She said no and if we are going to have a chance she needs to be sure. I hate this, I know she is seeing these men during the day while I'm at work and stays on the computer 8-10 hours a day. I have tried to tell her that our relationship is not just us but includes the boy and our extended family. She tells me over and over she needs time and space but the thought of her even spending time on line or meeting these men drives me nuts. I have seen the sex talk she engages in and what she will do to them when she meets them. Is it talk or is it happening, I'm not sure. I spent 3000$ on a PI and have enough evidence to file for divorce under adultery but I can't follow her any more. I want a happy life and I want the whole family unit together but I feel she will play my family devotion against me and keep doing what she has been. She has said that by December 05 she will have decided if she wants a relationship with me or not but until then she will continue to meet men and be on the singles sites. I begged her yesterday to come off the sites and give us the six months and work on our relationship but she said no. She says she loves me and wants to be with me but she needs to be sure. It hurts so bad! I want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this?? I am wondering if I am in love with her or our family situation and just holding everything together for the boys. I need to talk to anyone who will listen. If read the whole message thanks, your a trooper.

Do I want to do this???

Re: Do I want to do this???