Well, the week from hell was just a warm-up. D-day for me was July 1st when I found out about my husband's year long affair. At the time I also wrote about what I would term an "emotional affair" he was having with another woman. My gut kept telling me there was more there than he was letting on.

We began counseling 3 weeks ago and although it's been really tough, we were working on putting the pieces of our marriage back together again. On Saturday we went to the wedding of a young lady we've known since she was 3 yrs old. The ceremony was very emotional for us. Me, because it reminded me of all the vows and promises he broke, and him because he saw it as a time for remembering our vows and beginning anew. It's also the first day I wore my wedding ring since d-day when I removed it. We spent the night in a hotel and with just one emotional outburst on my part (which is REALLY, REALLY GOOD at this point) we had a very nice time in each other's company. We were very attentive to each other and had fun.

Sunday I was very antsy, agitated, whatever for what seemed to be no reason. That evening when I WASN'T sleeping (which has become typical) I was being nagged by some inconsistencies about the "emotional affair". I got up early and went back to my investigating to check something. Well, I got my answer in spades! I charged into the bedroom and started the barrage of questions till he had no choice but to admit, Yes, he'd had an affair with her too! I screamed, raged, threw things, my wedding ring included! If it's possible to be more hurt than I already was, I am. I brought up this woman's name on numerous occasions when we talked and he kept denying there was anything physical. The lies hurt as much as anything else. His defense was that he couldn't inflict any more pain on me than I was already in.

I feel emotions of rage and extreme hurt. H2C, you were right. Be careful when you decide you must know everything. In addition to what I saw (pics) and read in letters regarding the first affair, I now have the words from letters in my head of this second woman telling MY husband everything she likes about him, explaining how much she enjoyed where and how he touched her (like he did me) and where and how he kissed or nibbled her (like he did me) and well, you get the picture, it went on and on very graphicaly till how he held her afterwards (like he did me).

As he was extricating himself from the first affair because she was wanted more from him than he was willing to give, he began this physical aspect of an affair with the second woman.

I feel I've lost everything, I feel I'm worthless, that he never even considered me at anytime in any of this. He tells me he loves me, that he never stopped loving me, that he is so, so sorry. He knew if I ever found out I'd be hurt and angry but he NEVER envisioned the depth of the pain I'd be going through. He says he'll never forgive himself for destroying me and destroying my faith in God which this whole thing has also done to me. He wants to know how he can help me. He's worried about me. I don't know how he can help me. I don't know that anybody or anything can help me at this point. I feel like just a shell of myself, no substance, no worth.

How do get back up from the bottomsless pit of despair?

Hi Angela. Reading your story - many things sounded so similar to mine. I just found out a few weeks ago that my S.O. had slept with his EX WIFE on numerous occasions last fall while he was going over there to "visit his kids". After he confessed, Yep, I had NO clue - he told me, everything made sense. Why he would come home late (accidentally falling asleep in one of his kids beds), showering after he got home (played in the pool and didn't want to smell like clohrine), etc. I wanted details. And LOTS of them. I wanted to know what was said everytime, how he felt, did he enjoy it(his response "don't all guys enjoy sex? Of course I enjoyed it") WRONG RESPONSE. He was crying, saying the guilt was making him physically sick. He had stopped it because he felt horrible everytime afterwards. Then the EX threw in the whole "Sleep with me or I am calling and telling everything", she even told him she had called me at work and hung up, and it was enough to scare him to death because, like in your case, "He didn't want to hurt me, he will do anything I ask of him, he wants to make it right". Everything your husband has said. I have not said "I forgive you" yet. He has apologized profusely and cried almost every night on my chest, but I can't. And having sex is a nightmare. I first of all don't believe that it ended. Why would a guy turn down free sex? Right?? So I believe he is still lying to me to release the guilt he is feeling, yet make it sound not-as-bad as it is. Second, I can't stop thinking "Did he kiss her like that? Did he look at her like that? Did he touch her like he does me? Say the same things? Did he snuggle with her afterwards like he does me?" It drives me crazy inside. I want to be with him, I love him, and he seems very remorseful. I even heard the "If there was one thing I could take back in the years we have been together it is this". Do I believe him? Do I play the Yes, I will be naive again, even if it means biting my tongue to keep harmony? I don't know. I will write more later. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.