Hi everyone- I feel like this is the place for me finally... I have been in shock and wounded for so long & yet know others feel the same so tried to stuff it all -did not want to have a pity party. anyway, I so adored and loved my 13 year partner but I guess he ends up being fed up with my need to have balance- he had been a jerk financially and left me stuck without resources after I helped build up his home & business but had to move out because of his ex & jealous kids... well, we still had a lot of love in other areas but I couldn't stop hassling him about the fact that I was stranded after he took all the "goods" to impress his ex & kids. So in his frustration of my trying to solve the economic stress he jumps ship last February for another woman that he instantly says he adores. I have melted and feel like the ugliest, depressed, leftover - I have no close friends left in the area and yet have faked it here with the roommate and have avoided interacting with my now well-off partner since he is supposedly glued to his hot trophy and friends that are now all celebrating financial success and fun. I have found myself wanting to die. Tonight I am going to try to go to a healing group plus think I would like to learn more from everyone here and start a group in the area for "betrayal" issues. I live near the beach in San Diego and it seems that everyone is full of games and the love that I thought was real was thrown away overnight... I am a fool to think I was worth loving I guess because now I look at myself and think I am worthless and ugly and skinny and too emotionally damaged to ever get happy and love again...BUT maybe if I can learn how to support others then I can heal by sending love to those that feel like me...? Also - is it a mistake to hide and avoid this guy or am I doing the right thing by blocking off the past 13 years- I feel he never could acknowledge me as alive now so even though he lives right nearby why "connect" since he is so "happy" escaping relationships. I do feel it is tough to even communicate to anyone now since I stuffed so much just to keep from embarrassment. I hope someone here can relate and touch base with me so I can try to move on.
No Kateri you are not a fool or worthless person, you have been betrayed and deeply hurt.
You have come to the right place for support even though its sad to have to be here.
You will find a lot of good people here who have been in your shoes, you are not alone.
Many of my friends that I have made here in the last three years literally saved my life and kept me going.
You will survive and get through this........the thing I used to hate hearing was,,,,,,,it takes time.
Post here and chat here anytime to vent and get that much needed shoulder to cry on.
