It's been about a month since my husband told me he had an affair with a women he works with. We had gone out without the kids and he just started crying. He told me what happened and said he made a mistake and that he's so sorry. He said he wasn't feeling good about himself and that it's nothing I did. We've been married for 27 yrs. I never in a million years could have believed that this could ever happen. I'm such an emotional wreck right now. I cry every day. He cries with me. I truly do believe he is sorry, but it's so hard. I don't want to leave him. He is the only man I have ever loved. Someone please tell me this will get easier. I don'thave anyone else I can talk to about this.

My husband did the same thing with a woman at work. It was only for about 2 months. We've been married 10 years. Have a 5 year old son. I never thought he could do this to me either. You said everything I'm feeling. I only found out 2 weeks ago. The only thing that has helped me was to make him talk about it. I don't know if I 'll be able to stay. I know I love him. It will never be the same kind of love. I don't trust him. I guess I haven't helped you any. Just know I am so sorry this happened to you. I know the pain you feel.

Certainly you can get through this with some support and help from a professional. I would be hesitant to try to work it out on your own. I think that the trust can be re-established, but you both need to be able to identify the level of commitment to the marriage and determine how the marriage got off track.....getting it back on is possible if you are both committed and able to identify emotional/physical needs. I am the product of an affair after 20 years of marriage....the marriage did not end. He refused to talk about it and I went on with the marriage.....guess what? We are now divorced 20 years later (35 year marriage) and I am kicking myself for not being more assertive following the first affair. I think that sometimes affairs are a "wake-up" call....BUT, both of you need to pay attention to one another's needs/wants, etc. My former partner is involed now with the woman he left our marriage for.....she is younger than the number of years we were married. I am devestated by the divorce but can see how his unwillingness to discuss the first affair,and my not insisting on it was erroneous......couples need to TALK.....

I know that having my husband talk about the A helps me alot. I try not to dwell on it, so about every 10 days or so we talk about it. At first he wanted to sweep it under the rug, but luckily he realized that he couldn't do that. Someone said we were looking for consistency in their answers and that is so true.