I just found this forum and really need people who understand to talk to about this.
Okay, there is this guy that I have been "involved with" in some way or another since about 1996. I actually met him in 1992, so this goes way back. From 1996-Jan of 2001, we basically were dating, but he was very non-committal. I was totally in love with him and he with me (I think), but he was not committing, so I decided to take a year off from seeing him or talking to him. It was very emotional letting him go, it was the first time I had ever seen him cry, so I know it affected him, too. The year was hell on me. I thought I would get over him, but I just loved him more when the year was up. I thought he might come to his senses, because everyone told me how much he seemed to be in love with me, etc. Anyway, near the end of that year he started dating another girl. I met up with him again in Sept of 2001 (so it wasn't quite a whole year) and he told me that he was very unhappy with his girlfriend and was going to break up with her. Long story short, he never did. He moved in with her instead, while still telling me that he was more in love with me than her. Their relationship as he put it was awful, but for some reason he stayed with her. He has been claiming to be my best friend all this time, too. STUPIDLY, I also have been sleeping with him this whole time as well. I know, I am stupid, but I was (and am) completely in love with this guy and he said he felt the same, so I was not acting rationally.
Anyway, he came over the other night to tell me that she is pregnant and they are getting married. Along with the terrible sadness I felt, I felt total betrayal. He not only had been telling me he loved me, he also has been telling me that he would never marry her and if that ever changed that he would tell me right away so I would be warned, as I knew it would devastate me. Well, apparently, they have been planning this for weeks and just told me. And, they are doing it Sept 24!!!!
So, I am a complete wreck and am just looking for support. I told him if he marries her, I will never see or speak to him again. He sobbed like a baby in my arms and told me how he doesn't want to lose me, etc. If he doesn't marry her, I will try to be his friend and support him, but that will be hard because the trust is gone. And, there will never be a chance of any other kind of relationship, no matter what happens. I decided to write her a letter and tell her everything because I feel she desrves to know before getting married to him.
I know this is LONG, but it helps me to write it out. I would appreciate any advice people have, but don't just tell me how stupid I am, cause I know that part already. I also know I probably left out a lot of details, so feel free to ask me anything about it.
Welcome to the Recovery and Discovery Affair Forum. I'm very sorry you had to find us however you've found a safe place along with alot of caring, sharing and wisdom from the folks here.
Hopefully the first thing this site provides new members is letting them (you) know you are not alone.
I won't tell you that you are/were stupid because you were not. You trusted and believed him, there's nothing stupid about that.
This guy sure sounds like a "cakeman"(have his cake and eat it too). As bad as you are hurting aren't you glad its not you getting ready to walk down that aisle after all the lies and deception?
Do you really think it wise to maintain any sort of contact with him regardless if he marries or not? He's already proven he's not to be trusted Mary and quite frankly with friends like that, who needs enemies?
As far as the letter to his future wife, that is a tricky situation. Would she believe you? Do you think perhaps he's already covered all bases there in case you react that way?
If you DO feel the need to send one then perhaps a "No Contact" letter would be more appropriate? How do you feel about instead?
Re: My story (so glad I found a plce to post this!)
September 20 2005, 5:33 PM
Mary
I am going to post this on the "OPEN" board so that you may get more replies. I too don't think you were/are stupid but agree with Tex that getting completely out of this situation would be very good for you.
Charlie
Current Topic - My story (so glad I found a plce to post this!)