So about a month and a half ago I discovered that the affair that was supposed to have ended in June, was still going on. Even after I had discovered a letter from her to him talking about how upset she was that he had told her he didn't want to see her anymore, things picked up again apparently because I found another letter from her to him saying how glad she was that they were "making a fresh start." When I read that I walked out with the baby and drove 50 miles back home without a word to him but I called from the road as well as sent text messages saying I hoped the two of them were happy and that he needed to stop lying and grow up. I also sent her a text and an e-mail telling her he had told me all the same things and he's not to be trusted.
For some reason I felt the need to keep e-mailing him telling him what I thought of him. He sent me text messages saying he messed up, he wasn't thinking, and he wasn't letting this go no matter what I did. Somehow we started e-mailing each other every day talking about what went wrong and after a while he revealed that he was writing to me (he hates writing) because he felt I deserved the truth and the closure, if that's what I wanted, and he deserved to hear how much I hated him. But I couldn't hate him. I felt sorry for him because he was WEAK. But I still loved him and for some reason I am talking to him again.
A month later, I got a message (several of them) from the OW a couple weeks ago saying she had had a long talk with him and it was apparent from their talk that he loved me and that I should not give up on him because that's not what people do when they love each other (!?!?!) She also said she'd always be a friend to him. And then a couple days after that she texted me saying she had just gotten my e-mail. She had never received the messages I sent a month earlier.
Anyway, I want to say I've been sucked in again but that makes it sound like it's not a conscious decision on my part but it is. Over this past month we have communicated more than we have in three years of being together. And I guess somewhere inside me I believe or want to believe he's working on that weakness. The thing is I don't know how fair it is to continue this with all my feelings of paranoia, always thinking he's up to something or hiding something...Every time his phone rings it stirs up something in me to the point where my 1-1/2 year old daughter looks at me and says "sad?" I don't even trust my own instincts anymore.
Chelle....I recall reading a post by someone that stated, "the affair was the beginning of our marriage"...I think that can be true. If the two of you are communicating with one another better than you have in three years...that sounds hopeful. You mentioned a young child....that certainly doesn't enhance a marriage...children are stressful, especially the first one. Perhaps what he "got" from this other woman was something he would rather be getting from you. Now that you two are talking, check it out and see if it is possible. I think you need to make the boundaries clear...no talking to OW, getting rid of cell phone (of course he could still have one and you wouldn't know it). It almost sounds like the OW is on her way out. The trust will take some time, as you can well imagine. Take time for the two of you, without child.....it is certainly worth making the effort. I don't know how you will know when/if he is telling the truth,....obviously none of us who post here are very good at deciphering that. I didn't know my X was lying....I thought he loved me.....maybe some of us are too trustworthy. Let him know how vulnerable you are now ans what it is that you need from him to convince YOU that he is sincere. Good Luck
I am going to copy your post to the "Further" board so that you may get a few more responses to it. Many people only check this board to read member stories about others.
