I just discoverd two days ago that my wife has had an affair with someone at work. I am devistated! and have no one to help me deal with this. I am to ashamed to talk to my friends or family. We have been together since high school 15 years and married for five years. About 6 years ago we were living toghether and she had an affair with someone she was seeing while I was in the service trying to become a better man for her.
I blamed myself because a month earlier she asked if we were ever going to get married and I told her that I wasn't sure because my parents marrage was so horrible and abusive I was afraid I would repeat thier mistakes. It wasnt until I busted her, that I found out she had a past with this person. She promised that it would never happen again so not wanting to lose her we got married. when I discover emails to a cowrker discribing sexual acts I confronted her and threatend to leave she swore to her death that it was not physical but the next day I discoverd am email to the contray. How can I ever trust her when she can lie in the face of bieng caught.I am a child of an divorced faimly and never want to put my three year old daughter through that. she promises that this will never happen again, and ahe will get counciling,to make sure it doesnt but how will I ever know if I can trust her. This is why it took me so long to get married in the first place now my worst nightmare has come true. and I dont know what to do. She says that I am a great husband and doesnt understand why she did this to us, and its not my fault but is still feel worthless and like she couldnt of loved me that much if she would do this. I feel like I have to make a decision and am so confused someone help.
I FEEL FOR OUR SITUATION, AS I AM THE WOMAN WHO CHEATED. I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY EITHER, I LOVED MY BOYFRIEND AND STILL DO, THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION FOR HAVING AN AFFAIR ON SOMEONE YOU LOVE. OBVIOUSLY IT WAS SELFISH ON HER PART AND HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. SHE MAY BLAME YOU FOR HER CHEATING BUT IT WAS HER THAT MADE THE SOLE DECISION TO DO THIS. SHE HAS TO PROVE TO YOU THAT SHE WON'T EVER CHEAT ON YOU AGAIN. YOU HAVE TO SEE SOME CHANGE IN HER SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PSHYCOLOGICALLY. SHE HAS TO LITERALLY GROW UP AND YOU WILL NOTICE IT WHEN YOU SEE IT. AND THEN TOO AT THIS POINT IF YOU WANT TO MOVE ON IN YOUR MARRIAGE YOU HAVE TO LET GO A LITTLE AT A TIME, TRUST JUST A LITTLE, BECAUSE AS WE ALL KNOW WITHOUT SOME TRUST IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO MOVE ON. IT MAY TAKE YEARS BUT IF IT'S WORTH THE TIME FOR YOU THEN GO FOR IT.
AS I UNDERSTAND, SHE HAS CHEATED ON YOU 2 TIMES SINCE YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER. COUNSELING WOULD BE GREAT FOR BOTH OF YOU. TRY THE BOOK OR CD BY DR.PHIL RELATIONSHIP RESCUE AND THE WORKBOOK. NOW IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR BOTH OF YOU TO TAKE A SELF EVALUATION AND FIGURE YOUR NEEDS AND WANTS IF YOU WERE A SINGLE PERSON. AND TRY TO FULFILL THOSE WANTS AND NEEDS AS A MARRIE COUPLE. I HOPE YOU MAKE A DECISION TO TRY AND WORK IT OUT WITH YOUR WIFE. IT IS POSSIBLE SHE WILL NEVER CHEAT ON YOU AGAIN. I KNOW I WILL NEVER EVER CHEAT ON ANYBODY IN MY LIFE AGAIN, I WON'T DIRESPECT MYSELF LIKE THAT AGAIN. IT'S NOT FAIR TO ME OR YOU. I AM STILL WITH MY BOYFRIEND 8 MONTHS LATER TAKING IT DAY BY DAY. LEARNING, LOVING, & LIVING. (THE THINGS I SHOULD HAVE DONE BEFORE I CHEATED)
REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, STAY HEALTHY FOR YOURSELF AND DAUGHTER. PLEASE KEEP IN CONTACT WITH NETWORK 54.