Well, I have also posted on The Healing Heart, but I want to put my whole story down. So, here goes....
Two months ago, a car pulls up in front of my house as I am going out to clean my van. At first it looked like it was going to park across the street, then as I came out the door, it pulled around in front of my driveway. Man in the car calls me over. I went, thinking he wanted directions (done that a million times). Instead, he asked if my husbands name is ***** and if he works at ****. I say yes, still oblivious. He then proceeds to tell me that he thought I should know my husband had been having an affair with his wife. Then he trys to give me some details, but I only remember the references to sex, and that they met on the internet, and that he wanted to ruin my H's life. I finally said I have to go and walked away. H got home a few minutes later. He denied it, said "I'm not going anywhere" and "I'm not leaving." Said someone must have been trying to ruin his life, "Like I have time to have an affair." And I bought it hook, line and sinker as they say. Left the house little later as I had plans with our 11 year old. Had a miserable time of course, as a million things were running thru my brain. When we got home, H was in the garage building something, said Hi, but didn't get much response. Went in house, got kids to bed, then the truth started to sink in. I knew he was lying. Never said, "I didn't do it." Started crying off and on. He finally came in the house, but said nothing (neither did I). I finally got up to go to bed. He asked if I was going to sleep and I said "I doubt it." Laid down and just started to sob. He came in, laid down with me and held me, but still said NOTHING!!! Dozed off and slept very fitfully rest of night. Finally got up about 5, thought he was asleep. Went out on couch to lay down. He came out 10 minutes or so later, and said "come on," took my hand and we went back to the bedroom. Laid down and held me. Asked why we weren't best friends anymore? When was the last time we made love instead of just having sex? And I said "You did cheat on me, didn't you?" Answer was yes. Like a big punch in the gut. Still hurts to write about it. Spent the whole day in my room, crying. Didn't eat for a week, no sleep, lost 10 pounds (which I can't afford, down to 95 pounds). Started working together to rebuild what was destroyed. H has been great. Takes full responsibility, wants to fix our marriage and each other. Lots of crap last 2 months. H and I trying to be honest with each other all the time. For the first 6 weeks, OW's H wouldn't back off. But wasn't after my H, trying to get to my H thru me. Started with notes on my car or our front door, telling me if I wanted details or facts to call him. Shared all with H, never called. Worst was a full page letter describing in explicit detail what went on between his W and my H. At this point H and I were still going thru the mess of the A and gingerly getting and giving answers. I asked questions when I wanted answers. OW's H forced me to get all details before I was ready. What a shock to the system. And the jerk offered to have "revenge sex" with me. Disgusting! I know only to upset my H. I guess OW's H felt we had some kind of connection because our spouse's slept together, but I don't want to see or talk to him. Kept giving me a phone number to call "if I wanted to talk." Also saw him drive by house on numerous occasions. My H found an email address on yahoo he thought might be OW's and her H's and took a shot at emailing a brief note to stop or we would report harassment (which was definitely how I felt). Hit the nail on the head, got a nasty email back with hateful comments directed at my H (which is completely understandable, of course OW's H hates my H). I took over at that point, sent what I felt was a very calm, mature email back and told him to LEAVE US ALONE! It worked. No contact since. Felt like we could not heal if he kept coming around.
Every day is a new day to try to heal. H met OW on internet, met, had sex 5 times. Hardest for me is he went looking. Said at first was just looking for someone to talk to, but he guesses in the back of his mind he knew he was looking for someone to screw. That hurts the most. He went looking. Didn't happen to be someone from work, or someone he already knew. It was a stranger and he went looking for it. Lied to my face, kissed me goodbye one day and then drove 4 miles away to screw her at a hotel. Snuck out of our house in the middle of the night to meet in a dark parking lot and screw in the back of her mini van (that was the first time). H destroyed a 12 year marriage and 16 total years together all in 5 weeks.
Wish I never had to find this site, but am glad to have people to talk to. Can't and don't want to talk to friends or family about what has happened.
Time heals all wounds, so they say. Hopefully, time will heal mine.
I'm sorry you've had to join us here but glad you've found an incredible support group. I am copying your post to the Discovery board so that you may get more responses. People don't check the Members board as much as they check the other boards.