There, in the darkness sits a man who is broken. Drained and exhausted after years of dedication, he has finally begun to realize that it's all caught up to him.
He's tried to ignore the signs. Sluggish movement, muddled thinking, falling asleep anywhere and everywhere. It was at the point where he couldn't even finish a match anymore.
He thought that switching to a supporting role would help. Also figured he looked damn fine in a suit.
But soon even that had lost it's luster. Didn't even bother to come in to work most days.
Was it time to finally hang it all up? Stop wasting everyone's time? The thought had entered his mind before, he even tried to go cold turkey once. It didn't take then but maybe now it would be different?
Retire.
Just the word made him feel old, though the pains in his back and neck made him feel even older.
It's all that's left to do.
He didn't want to bother to make a big scene out of it. Been there, done that. No, he was going to quietly deliver a letter of resignation to the office, then just fade away into obscurity.
First thing Monday morning.
For now, he looked to lighten his spirits. As is the tradition with a new movie coming out , various channels were holding marathons of that beloved classic. You know the one. Though by the second episode he had fallen into a deep sleep.
Yes, as it turns out, we are once again in the same place.. at the same time...
nananananananananaBATDREAM!!
The mighty tinman awakens once more.. wearing the "adam west" batsuit, in the technicolo... hold on a second.. this was not the same as usual...
Instead of the lush colors of yesteryear... The landscape was drab and grey.. the buildings were crumbling all around him.. spot fires here and there.... it looked like a bomb went off.
BaTinman- Chicago? What the? This isn't Bat-Dream!
An unknown figure watching from the shadows then makes his presence known..
???- Of course not, this is a Dark Knightmare.
Suddenly Astin gets the urge to look down at himself..
Falling to his knees and cursing the heavens.. Astin finds himself wearing a rubber batsuit...with NIPPLES!! And a codpiece that would make Gideon cringe..
BaTinman- Why!?! WHY ME!?!
Just then Nancy Kerrigan appears in the nightmare for some reason...walking over she slaps the mighty BaTinman and then disappears..
BaTinman- Oo!
It's then that he thinks of it!! Going to look into his utility belt...
BaTinman- I DON'T EVEN HAVE A PROPER UTILITY BELT!!YOU BASTARDS!! Oh wait..
Shuffling his hand into the giant codpiece, he hopes to find his cod.
BaTinman- WHERE IS HE!! These dreams work best when I have people from my life as the characters... Frank as Robin was soooooo cute! I was also a big fan of the Franky Two-Fish variation..
???- He's dead.
BaTinman- Oh... I guess that's kinda fitting since he's my second robin... did you beat him with a crowbar?
???- Wouldn't you like to know.
BaTinman- Yes, I would...that's why I asked....duh...Alright, alright...what about Generation-X as Fluffy? Cat"viper"'s useless assistant...
???-Dead...
BaTinman- Alright so I guess I'll have to make due and salvage this by making it a sex dream...
???- She's dead too..
BaTinman- CRAP!! Alright...what else, what else...maybe Kaly could be Batgirl, spoiler or someone...
???- THEY'RE ALL DEAD.
BaTinman- That doesn't seem all that feasible, considering I haven't actually decided what character to imagine her as....or if there are any other chicks in DWF that I can re-imagine...I suppose I could just dream about someone from a movie or tv...but it's not as personal.
???- Don't bother..
BaTinman- "le sigh" alright, alright...let's get it over with then... dark knightmare....hmmm...JOKEfka again? I'm pretty sure I didn't drink any water this time...
???- Dead..
BaTinman- Well this dream is getting old fast...
???- Just like you.
BaTinman- Why are they all dea....HEY! What do you mean by that!
???- I killed them.
BaTinman- Ohhhh! Ok..I thought you just stood there in the shadows the whole time watching them die...NO IDEA that you actually killed them..yeah right..
???- You aren't smarter than me.
BaTinman- That sounds like a challenge! Get out the backgammon and we can settle this!
???- Enough play..
BaTinman- But I'm just getting started!!
The mighty BaTinman rushes him!
BaTinman- TAKE THAT!
He swings wildly in the air.. not even coming close to his opponent's face.
BaTinman- Hey...why didn't it do the "POW" and send you flying on your ass?
???- Get serious.
The figure swats BaTinman halfway across the street..
BaTinman- owwww....that hurt....WHAT ARE YOU!!
It's then that the figure steps into the light... a hulking beast of a man with a re-breather covering his face.
BaTinman- Darth Vader?
??? - No you idiot, I'm Bane.
BaTinman- Dane Cook?
With that remark Bane kicks BaTinman in the ribs..
BaTinman- unnnghhh...not a fan I take it..
Bane- Oh that's not true.. I'm probably your biggest fan actually.
Bane clutches BaTinman by the throat and yanks him into the air...
Bane-Everywhere I went...I heard of the BaTin......and how he RULES.....I came to test this theory....I came to declare MYSELF the one and only TRUE Ruler of the universe...I have come to BREAK you....and yet I find this...this hollow shell of a man...
He tosses the BaTinman aside like a piece of garbage....right into a gutter..leaving him to drown Bane turns his back on him and begins to walk away...
Bane- Why break a man who is already broken? Ruler? Hardly....you are pitiful...
BaTinman- ARGGGGGGHHHH!!
Getting up from the puddle in a rage... BaTinman rushes Bane once more! Leaping onto the monster's back!
BaTinman- TAKE IT BACK!! TAKE IT BACK DAMNIT!!
He hammers away at the base of Bane's neck...only for Bane to laugh!
Grabbing the BaTinman by a shoulder, Bane tosses him forward...sending the BaTinman tumbling into the pavement...
BUT!! There's a caveat to that... as Bane was throwing him off...BaTinman had the foresight to grab hold of the rebreather and hold on tight! RIPPING it from Bane's face as he was thrown...
BaTinman- YOU!! B...but it can't be!!
Sure enough...standing in front of BaTinman....was none other than...himself...
BAstiNE- Why do you fight? There's nothing left for you here... you abandoned everything... then continue to claim it for yourself? WHY!
BaTinman- Because....because....
I RULE!!!
With that the mighty tinman awakens from his slumber....finding drool on his face....and a new-found fire!!
Astin- I can't retire....TINMAN IS FOREVER!
Frank- "..."
Astin- Well of course I mean it..
Frank-"..."
Astin-Well yeah I meant it those other times too...that "IM THE MAN" gimmick would have been very fun...
Frank-"!!!"
Astin- Yeah it was BAsTin those other times...I think the BaTinman works better surprisingly....and you're totally bringing me down!...you're worse than my psychiatrist!...wait a second..
Looking up at Frank...the tinman notices something fishy!! No wait! Something STRANGE!! yeah that's the ticket.
BAM...he wakes up again...just in time to see vincent price on the screen!
Vincent Price- How EGGstrodinary Batman!! You are quite the hard boiled detEGGtive!! THOUGH YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET SCRAMBLED!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAA!!
Astin- No wonder I always fall asleep when I watch this shit...
Is this the end of this dynamic scene? Tune in next week at the same BAT-Time, same BAT-Channel and fi...oh...nah it's the end of the scene...
This message has been edited by Astin on Jul 20, 2012 9:06 PM
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