If the unanswered questions have bothered me for so long, I can't imagine what you and your family have gone through. You have my condolences.
And if you have to cross paths with these people that have the answers, well, I just can't imagine how you've held it together. I'm small in stature, and middle-aged, but if it were my friend or family I'm afraid I'd have to corner someone and demand some answers until I got them. You must have super-human self-control.
I wish I could say that maybe someday you'll know what happened, but it doesn't look likely, as the pact has held tight for so long already. I'm sorry...