For those that wanted more...here ya go... Two/Three act plays for your review.

Quantum' sLe(a)ep
V.O.
.....and, Now, to CMN's Suki Tawdri, for an update on the science story we highlighted at the top of the hour.
SUKI TAWDRI
In a brief news conference, where questions will not be permitted, I might add, NASA and related astronomical entities are expected to announce the discovery and heightened monitoring of mysterious 'waves of energy', so described by a press officer, have been detected coming from what used to be called 'empty space'; according to that spokesperson, no information is currently available as to the source or origin of this energy, only that it may be what is called either 'dark matter' or zero point energy, both invisible to our ordinary means of detection and analysis. More on this as it develops, back to you.
CUT TO LATER SAME DAY:



INT. UNIVERSITY SLEEP STUDIES LABORATORY - DAY
A leading researcher into the ultimate mystery of the human mind----"consciousness"-----is leading a group of volunteers through a controversial new protocol; they are a mixed group, of either young or rather old, the two most available demographics.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
(testing his microphone before the group in a small auditorium)
Welcome test subjects, all; as you know, this is to be a 'blind' study----we have assigned numbers to you by which you shall be known to us. As you were told by our intake counselors, you will spend one continuous month with us, during which time we will attempt to resolve a great mystery: what is consciousness? Since serious study of the brain has begun, no one has been able to determine its origin or "where" it resides in us, if, in fact, it does. As you may have read or heard, it is my theory that "consciousness" is a manifestation of our remote---though not necessarily distant--- selves, visiting, as it were, this material universe from somewhere beyond it, inhabiting these "atmosphere suits" we call our bodies--including that physical organ we call the brain, only when we are awake----or, as we commonly refer to it, "conscious." IF this is true, you and I are indeed space cadets!
(he and the audience laugh spontaneously)
Very well, my cosmos-nauts, let us begin to document our nightly journeys!
The assembled subjects now depart the auditorium, reporting to their preassigned case worker; one elderly subject approaches Dr. Graff.
SUBJECT #16
You know, you are right about this, don't you?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
(momentarily startled)
While I appreciate the vote of confidence, shouldn't we wait for our objective results to draw any conclusions, if, in fact, they can be drawn?
SUBJECT #16
Oh, yes, scientific method, by all means, although, isn't it science which has thrown up its hands on this one; isn't the rap: "it doesn't do anything."
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
You are especially well-informed; while I don't know anything but the number you wear about you, clearly you have a background in science, yes?
SUBJECT #16
Not supposed to tell, you know that; just wanted to give you my vote that we've got it 180 wrong: consciousness HAS us, not vice versa.
(just then he is summoned by his case worker)
Lotsa luck, Doc, pullin for ya!
(he walks off)
FADE OUT.
INT. BEDROOM OF DR. GRAFF'S HOME - NIGHT
It is 11pm; Graff's wife is reading next to him; he cannot sleep----he turns to her; she is a behavioral psychologist also on faculty.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Can we talk shop for a moment?
(she nods agreeably)
Doesn't your field hold that self-awareness is a physical process, say, just like thinking?
MRS. GRAFF
Well, yes, sort of; I mean, anything we, as brain/body units, do which has a purpose or goal caused by some stimulus in the world we know as 'matter'---sort of like the stomach ache you're probably having from dinner, right?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
What did we have for dinner....oh, yes, I mean, no, it's not that. Strangest thing happened today, old fellow with very alive eyes, didn't seem to fit with his older exterior, I don't know.... just sort of summed up 10 years of research for me in a few moments of polite chatting.
MRS. GRAFF
A colleague, or student?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
No, that's just it, he's an ordinary subject in the new protocol we began today; seemed to have had some science background, though. He just blurted out that consciousness HAS us, that we are its rented house at the material beach, you see.
MRS. GRAFF
Who is he?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Not permitted to know, you know that; strange, felt strongly that he was utterly convinced of his facts. If he is right, my eternal cosmic self just doesn't want to go home tonight-----must be you!
(he embraces her, rather intimately)
MRS. GRAFF
So that's it---and I thought I had heard all your lines! Well, let's not disappoint either of you.
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. LABORATORY INSTRUMENT BANK - MORNING
A group of staff are reviewing some of the computer data synthesized from the 16 subjects after their first full night of somnolence studies.
TECHNICIAN 1
I have all the readings from the somnoscanners except one.....#16, anyone seen it?
TECHNICIAN 2
Here it is; did you print this out?
TECHNICIAN 1
No, why?
TECHNICIAN 2
Well, look at it!
(the data are blank spaces)
TECHNICIAN 1
Must be a bad sensory scanner. Are all the others showing tracings?
TECHNICIAN 2
Yes; all the others---suggest we replace his tonight with a new one, better call equipment. Are we sure he had it on all night?
TECHNICIAN 1
Video says yes.
CUT TO:
Dr. Graff is giving an interview to Scientific American about his work in general, for which he has been considered for a MacArthur Award.
JOURNALIST
So is it fair to say that your techniques are so sensitive that they can actually register nonlocal energy, as you have described it, actual registration of data from beyond the brain?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
You have it basically down; let's just add the following caveat---since we don't truly understand the analog chaos of our brain, which is largely given some order by way of the five sensory portals, we are not truly able to delineate local versus remote.
JOURNALIST
So, are you suggesting that our brain or mind is not subject to logical processes?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Let me put it to you this way: everything in the known universe is governed by analog or wavelength vibratory process except digital systems like computers; this means, among other things, that while we are capable of logic, it hardly governs either our thinking or our awareness of intangible concepts which are not the result or product of physical processes.
JOURNALIST
You are speaking of 'consciousness' then as nonphysical?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
In the sense that it is not a material phenomenon----it is called by behavioral scientists an 'epiphenomenon', since it is always an effect, not a cause.
JOURNALIST
So causality is what characterizes the Cartesian concept of the physical as mechanistic, whereas your ideas have to do with nonlinear or nonsequential forces.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Pretty fair summary; look, the best statement, and its very succinct, on this is someone else's---'Why is it like something to be alive?'
JOURNALIST
I think I've found the title for my piece....
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Just be sure and credit Thomas Nagel for that insight, it has driven my curiosity since coming upon it. Now, really must be getting back to the study.
JOURNALIST
Thank you doctor, shall I send you the galleys?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Good idea. Take care.
(they part)
CUT TO:
EXT. A LAKESIDE JOGGING PATH ON CAMPUS - DAY
It is two weeks into the protocol; a graduate student assistant comes running over to Dr. Graff...
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
Morning, may I keep you company?
(now jogging alongside)
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Certainly; how are things coming along; been meaning to come by, just so behind with all the PR crap.
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
Well, funny thing about some of the readings: one in particular, first we got nothing, then we find that the nothing is everything.....
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
You're not allowed to make such pronouncements, at least until you are an adjunct professor! Translate, please...
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
One of the older subjects, what we are getting is equivalent to mathematical equations, high math at that!
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
(he stops jogging abruptly)
Come again?
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
I've had the systems diagnostics people up three times now, and they swear we are 5 x 5 with our hardware: the software also checks out----I ran it by the physics guys last night and they are telling me that they have never seen stuff like this, totally next level.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
What number is the subject?
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
Sixteen....why?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Tell you later; let's get over to the lab.
CUT TO FEW MINUTES LATER:
INT. LAB MONITOR ROOM - DAY
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
(addressing three other assistants)
Ok, what have we got?
GLORIA SCIENTI
(handing him #16s longitudinal readouts)
They're telling us that this is cutting edge data which is consistent with hyperdimensional physics meets Eastern Zen!
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
They are?
GLORIA SCIENTI
Well, to begin with the Department heads at Physics, Philosophy and, now get this, Theology......
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
I want to know the profile on this subject, never mind the 'blind' study....we may have stumbled upon a gift here more important than refunding from the pharmaceutical guys; no name, just the basics....
GLORIA SCIENTI
.......69, High school, military training in signal corps......insurance salesman! IQ in low normal range....
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
I want to see Dr. Pandra asap, arrange it please, gotta go change; also, see about Dr. Breckenridge joining us as well, faculty conference room, this afternoon.
(he leaves)
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
I don't think I have ever seen that look on his face before, kinda like fear and hope rolled together....
GLORIA SCIENTI
....it's an Alfred Nobel look, I've seen it before, in photos of the recipients in Stockholm!
FADE OUT.
INT. PRIVATE CONFERENCE ROOM WITH BLACKBOARD - LATER
The three Docs have convened......
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Thanks, fellows, for taking the time....
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Stan, you've got some sort of Rosetta stone here to maybe another dimension, unless your staff are into practical jokes of a cosmic magnitude!
(smiling as he speaks)
DR. SIMON BRECKENRIDGE
Far be it from me to advocate for you know who
(knowing laughter all around)
But I feel there must be something wrong with the data, the protocol itself perhaps.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
That's always a fair point; here,however, our algorithms are well-established, been peer-reviewed ad nauseam; no, I don't think we can shoot the messenger on this one.
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
No, done the math, at least as far as we can....there's stuff here that no one has seen since Maxwell, and, well, that was in the 1860's; science isn't in the habit of looking to older thinking, but we may have to on this one.
DR. SIMON BRECKENRIDGE
Odd you should say that, because that's the direction one must go philosophically to divine meaning here, almost to the oldest known Eastern texts. If what Pandra's computers have translated is accurate, it seems to match up with some Sanskrit concepts, of all things!
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Well, everything old is new again, as they say. Look, we're in uncharted waters here to be sure, but let's not label these data Dragons and call it a day. Simon, isn't there a system of belief which holds that the material universe we find ourselves in is real and yet a dream?
DR. SIMON BRECKENRIDGE
Well, yes.....but there may be less spectacular systems practiced in the East for millennia which give context to this situation: for example, the whole notion of deep meditation, wherein one is said to, through control of one's brain by one's very will, one may actually experience transcendence of the physical into the realm of a purer energy state.
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Yes, indeed, in India this has reached a high artform; look, let's not also forget that virtually 90% of the material universe consists of so-called 'dark matter', the essence of which we have failed to ascertain-----perhaps this is the stuff you have stumbled upon, Stan.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
I have a proposal: I'm going against my own protocol, but damn the thing, funding may be the least of our concerns if this thing is to be understood-----I want you, each of you and whoever else you may think we need, to observe this #16, even converse with him as members of my staff. What do you say?
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Let us confer and we will get back to you tomorrow, alright?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Fair enough; I trust that I have your confidence in this matter, at least until the month is out, agreed?
(the two colleagues nod yes)
FADE OUT.
INT. QUARTERS OF SUBJECT #16 - MORNING
The three scientists have decided to meet with the man separately, so as not to intimidate him; a videotape will be made to show to other colleagues for consulting opinions.
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Good morning, my name is Mo, what's....sorry, don't tell, just the number. I told Dr. Graff I wanted to visit with random members of the study...
(he is interrupted)
SUBJECT #16
Dr. Pandra, I know you are here to see me especially. What can I do for you, be honest, please.
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
(taken back by the use of his last name)
How did you know my last name?
SUBJECT #16
It's on your name tag.
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Ah, so it is----absent-minded professor, eh. Quite right, should be direct. Number 16, in my native country we call the kind of data we have been getting during your sleep periods illusion, referring to the quality of reality experienced in the material universe.
SUBJECT #16
The Sanskrit term 'maya', correct? Dr., are you familiar with Fourier's work in the 18th century involving wave patterns actually being converted by the various brain centers involved with the five senses into pictures, sound, smell, etc.?
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Actually my field is quantum physics, although I am familiar somewhat with these equations.
SUBJECT #16
Good, that will make our time together more productive; you see, all matter, as you know, is pretty 'immaterial', so to speak----just an underlying fabric of potential form waiting to be observed and therefore transformed into what we thereafter perceive, via the brain, as seemingly solid objects. Now, what you fellows are trying to get at is how does consciousness, as you call it, fit into this----gonna tell you: it's just a more subtle form of matter. Whole thing, really a hologram in motion. Heard of Bohm?
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
(dazzled by what he has heard from this man)
Why don't we slow down; how did you come by your impressive knowledge?
SUBJECT #16
Might say I'm a good observer, read alot, although not from books or anything material like that. Anyway, you know from the quantum world that the farther you dig down, the less substance there is to matter: the whole particle/wave thing, really very fluid, sort of like interference patterns...whoops, you wanted to slow down: bottom line, particles are NOT like BBs, solid and so forth, just pretty much formless potential till observed, like with our Fourier conversion organ, the brain.
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Of course, you are correct, many studies have confirmed this in the 60's and 70's, still, hard to find them unless you know what you are looking for.
SUBJECT #16
Had better sources.....
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
You, of course, mean, that you were told where to look, read widely in the popular science press, that sort of......
No offense, Doc, but you really have to be less cynical; you see, the truth isn't a lie. Can't say it any better.
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA (CONT'D)
Sir, I do not doubt the substance of what you say, please understand.
SUBJECT #16
Only the messenger, eh; you're missin the point, I think. Even our ordinary language holds meaning, or used to, until cliches took over-----ole Noah Webster and company had it right long ago: look it up, under 'c': means "knowing together." Couldn't a said it better.
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Consciousness, yes; look, Sir, would it be alright if some of our other colleagues from different fields had a chat with you?
SUBJECT #16
(he is politely cut off)
SUBJECT #16 (CONT'D)
(smiling broadly)
Seein as how I volunteered for this thing, don't really want to be rude, although I haven't been sleepin all that well, few aches and pains, you know. Maybe in a couple a days, gotta rest up a bit, this gets kinda exhausting. Meantime, why don't ya show em the videotape....
(he is cut off)
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
Videotape?
SUBJECT #16
They told us they'd be tapin everything we do, sure that includes this, don't you.
(again, broadly smiling)
DR. MOHANDES PANDRA
I suppose it does; may I say that this has been a very enlightening talk.
SUBJECT #16
Sure, still a free country!
(laughs heartily)
You need to get hold of some of that freedom, relax a bit, be more trusting of the gift we call the Truth. A real wise guy, maybe gal, now um not sure at all----anyway, was a source of real wisdom put it this way: "Don't just do something, sit there!" Great, huh? Meditate, don't medicate, that's another one I came up with. I'll be layin down now for a snooze. Goodbye.
(they shake hands)
FADE TO NEXT DAY:
INT. DR. GRAFF'S CRAMPED OFFICE - AFTERNOON
He is meeting with Ms. Scienti and Mr. Wakefield about the tape, etc.
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
Doc, I have circulated the tape to all relevant Department heads along with the readout abstracts we did; they all promised to give us their impressions in a couple of days.
GLORIA SCIENTI
Bit surprised at Pandra, though, word I get is he is thoroughly skeptical to the point of fear.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
So much for academic freedom; that's life in the world of research academia. He's got that NASA funding hanging, should have guessed he'd cramp up intellectually. What about our original cynic, Simon?
GLORIA SCIENTI
Open minded but waiting for the herd he hopes will never materialize. Oh, even though she's disqualified technically, your wife is doing some checking of her own, since the protocol has been breached, she sees no harm. For what it's worth, she'll brief you tonight.
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
Well, wait and see; back to the lab, only three days left and we wrap.
(they leave with Graff staring at the tape again)
CUT TO LATER SAME DAY:
INT. CAR PHONE OF DR. DIMITRI OLGIN - AFTERNOON
He has telephoned Graff on the way to the airport.
DR. DIMITRI OLGIN
Stan, how goes it; look, I had a peek at your video, damned interesting given his profile. What has really got me is the high math, kicking it around with some colleagues at the conference tomorrow, that alright?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Fine, Dimy, just keep the source under wraps, I don't want the media all over me right now; call me as soon as you can on this. Das vidanya.
(hangs up; just then Gloria comes in)
GLORIA SCIENTI
Here's a memo from three of them, jointly.
(hands it to him)
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
(opening transmittal pouch, reading aloud)
"As a courtesy to you and the integrity of your study, we have done a cursory review of the data and films you sent over. It is our belief, based on that data, that you have been subjected to a hoax; specifically, we feel very strongly that he is a plant, perhaps from an enemy of your continued funding, perhaps even the sponsors themselves. It is clear that he could have been briefed on these concepts, parroted them back even at his IQ level. BY the way, our suspicions are heightened by the understandable urge to breach protocols which has now happened; we understand that the so-called unconscious readouts are impressive, but feel that your system has been hacked somehow. With all kind regards, Drs. Pandra, Breckenridge & Swanson/Physics/Philosophy & Theology."
(he crumples it and tosses it into wastebasket)
How's #16 doing?
GLORIA SCIENTI
Sleeping like the righteous; readouts are blank again.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
That was mentioned wasn't it, in the materials we sent over, about the first day?
GLORIA SCIENTI
Yes, quite explicitly; wanna see the cover memo?
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
No, going home; maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and this never happened.
GLORIA SCIENTI
We've got an extra subject room if you want me to hook YOU up.
(they laugh despondently)
CUT TO:
INT. DINING ROOM AT GRAFFS' HOME - EVENING
He is setting the table for just the two of them when his wife walks in excitedly......
MRS. GRAFF
Stan, come sit down, quickly; tried getting you on the phone.....
(she puts down her bag and some files on a coffee table)
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Yes, didn't feel like talking, sorry, kind of a down day....
(she cuts him off)
MRS. GRAFF
Take a look at this!
(hands him a medical record from a local hospital)
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Where did you get this, I mean how?
(he opens it to a tabbed place she had marked)
What on earth?!
(he is very animated)
MRS. GRAFF
Diagnosed a year ago, with two consults in agreement. Your number sixteen has had advanced Alzheimer's for over a year, no remissions, no lucid intervals, nothing since.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
This is dumbfounding.....how did he get into the study?!
MRS. GRAFF
Seems he was, by all outward appearances, randomly selected from a pool of over 100 volunteers! I checked and double-checked that with Gloria before I made these inquiries through some friends at the hospital: one hitch, can't release these records publicly, serious consequences if that happens.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Of course, of course; besides, my august colleagues, save possibly one, are bailing out on their flummoxed Captain, seems I get to go down with the ship.
MRS. GRAFF
There is a way out----we have him newly diagnosed during a routine physical due to his readouts being suddenly blank again----Gloria told me----and as part of the routine checkout procedure. Got the right specialist lined up, say the word.
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
The word is go!
(he embraces her hugging and kissing)
You know what this means, newer and better funding outside the corporate world, like it once was in St. Petersburg! There's the MacArthur, the Rockefeller Fund....ach, to hell with the drug lords!
MRS. GRAFF
Don't forget the Nobel.
(beaming)
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
Now you may need a physical; don't want to get too cocky, I can hear the skeptics now, "We know very little about Alzheimer's, could be a malingerer, fraud; needs lots of study....blah, blah, blah...." Let's go out to eat, I'm starved.
CUT TO NEXT DAY:
INT. LABORATORY INSTRUMENT BANK - DAY
Dr. Graff is looking at the new, blank, readouts for #16 from last night; he is still sleeping, they can't awaken him.
REGINALD WAKEFIELD
It's ok, he's not dead; just sort of comatose; the doctors are on their way, including the one your wife has requested.
GLORIA SCIENTI
(she rushes in, out of breath from the subject area)
Stan, look at this!
(she hands him an envelope sealed, addressed to him)
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF
(opening it, reading aloud)
"My dear Dr. Graff, I couldn't sleep last night for some time so I wanted to say a few things while they were still with me: first, I wanted to thank everyone for the great treatment and attention----it was really nice being around such kind intelligent people. Next, I wanted to remind you of what the Greeks in the Academy believed: 'learning is remembering.'----they were right, like you are about consciousness----we and this whole material universe are the 'stuff that dreams are made on, and our little life rounded by a Sleep'; I guess now you get to play Prospero, actually met......well, in a way I can't really get into this way, the energy behind those beautiful---and accurate---words (what couldn't that guy say well). Finally, I know you're gonna be getting a lot of flak on this: just stand tall, and remember that most of the critics who should know better don't even remember Maxwell's work----been out of print for ages, all but forgotten, but not by a force we called Einstein: without Maxwell, no relativity, etc.---he Said it himself, that's why he was so confident without experiments, knew it in his/our soul. OH yes, one more little thing: I always thought you Russians were better scientists, purists you might say, no corporate bottom line gettin in the way. WEll, that's all; don't think we'll be having any more contact, not this way anyhow. Respectfully, Hal O. Gramm."
DR. STANISLAV GRAFF (CONT'D)
Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a lot of work to do----don't just do something, sit there!
(laughter, hugs all around)
FADE TO BLACK WITH STARRY STUDDING WITHIN BLACK AS IN DEEP SPACE.
THE END.

INT. EXECUTIVE OFFICES OF SMALL PUBLIC CORPORATION ANYWHERE USA - DAY
A man walks in escorted by a current key official of the firm; he is from out of town, a troubleshooter type, attorney; seated in reception is a dark-eyed woman, very attractive; he avoids eye contact....
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
....and as the Chairman has told you, we have gone through our initial public offering proceeds rather quickly, and, well....
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Perhaps we had better continue this in your office.
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
Of course, as you wish.
(they walk past reception, Brodsky's eyes locking onto hers)
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Now, you were saying.
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
Well, we're effectively broke; fact is, we must have a secondary raise of capital yesterday.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
You realize, my impression is that while there may be value here, time is not your friend, nor the markets, for that matter. I will need to do another review of the books.
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
Perhaps after dinner? I'd prefer that all the staff be gone.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Not tonight, have an appointment which may take some time; we'll plan on meeting at the CPA's tomorrow afternoon, just send over your set of books and I'll get started there.
(he gets up to leave, his eyes once again locking with hers across the room through the glass enclosed office)
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
Fine, will do. Good evening to you then; need any directions?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
No, no, been there before.
CUT TO:
EXT. SANITORIUM IN WOODED SUBURB - AFTERNOON
Brodsky is visiting his brother who is a long-term patient at the Susquehanna Mental Hospital.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Yes, hello, here to see Josiah Brodsky.
(he signs the ubiquitous guest book)
STATION NURSE
If you'll just have a seat I'll arrange for him to be brought out to the patio area.
(she gives instructions into a phone)
His brother is wheeled out to the large outdoor visiting area; he is early 40s, tousled hair, vacant in his affect.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Hello, Josey; how are you since we last were together?
(he is used to this one way conversation)
JOSIAH BRODSKY
(noticeably drooling)
Who are you? Do you have my supplies?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Yes, I have what you want, just try and remember my name, OK.
(he shows Josey a pen and notebook)
What's my name?
JOSIAH BRODSKY
You are my friend Joey....right?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
That's right, Josey, but we are much more than friends. What am I?
JOSIAH BRODSKY
Yerrrr a brudder, right?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Correct, and now you get your supplies. Have you written anything lately?
JOSIAH BRODSKY
Sure I have; letters.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
To whom, Josey; I haven't gotten any letters from you in some time.
JOSIAH BRODSKY
A girl.
(he blushes, smiling)
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Have I met her?
JOSIAH BRODSKY
No, she is new......got pretty eyes......but you can't talk to her, she doesn't talk.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
What's her name, can you tell me that?
JOSIAH BRODSKY
Secret!
(laughing quietly)
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Alright, no problem; you don't have to tell me about her, let's talk about your memory. Can you remember mom?
JOSIAH BRODSKY
Dead.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
You know that's not true, come on; Anything else?
JOSIAH BRODSKY
Don't want to talk about her. Um tired, want to sleep.
(he yawns, head drooping)
JOSEPH BRODSKY
I'll get the nurse.....there she is now.
(she begins to wheel Josey back to his room)
ATTENDING NURSE
The doctor will see you in his office, he's waiting for you.
CUT TO:
INT. STAFF PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
Brodsky has entered finding Dr. dictating notes.....
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Joseph, come sit down, just be a moment.
(finishing dictation)
'....and there are some remissive signs as to memory and recall, still too early to tell conclusively.'
Good to see you, how long has it been, at least six months, correct?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
There's nothing wrong with your memory, exactly six months. Let's not mince words, what's his present condition?
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
There's been a very interesting turn of events, Joseph; he has taken to a new patient, younger woman, late twenties, serious dementia brought on by deep trauma from a prior relationship; the staff have observed them sitting together, sometimes for hours, often just staring in each others eyes, or so it appears, and then, without any pattern we can detect, they will engage in detailed conversations about all manner of subjects, very lucidly.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Wow, that's some turn of events; have you any notes of these conversations, maybe tape-recording
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Afraid we haven't been able to record anything just yet, seems they are almost whispering. We intend to keep trying, though.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
He did mention her to me today, very protective about her name, said she was very quiet.
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Rather common in his situation, paranoia quite deep, almost a paternalistic attitude toward anyone they like.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
That reminds me, he wouldn't talk about our mother, in fact, it caused him to become fatigued. Any clues?
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
This may well be a latent Oedipal reaction, his mind actually reverting to a confused pubescent state, frightened by the sexual connotations surrounding mother, that sort of thing.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Might be deeper though; he has never really forgiven her for putting him in here.
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
You must keep in mind that we still are quite rudimentary in our divining of the brain and its various states, consciousness, unconsciousness, dream state, that sort of thing; I have even heard of a recent mainstream study of consciousness by a Russian scientist at a nearby university who has theorized that consciousness actually is our true self, beyond the brain when we are asleep, claims to have some startling new evidence of this!
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Pretty far out, you ask me.
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Well, in point of fact----or should I say theory----that is his very point: this material life may be an imagined one, so powerful is the mind.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Isn't the mind created by the brain?
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
We simply don't know the answer. You see, in a very fundamental sense, it is difficult to study a thing using that very thing itself.
It gets complicated, but the deconstructionist philosophy quite rightly says that a critical examination of anything can never truly escape the system of which it is a part, hence, in the case of the brain, it wants to see itself as a physical organ, yet, as one great thinker has put it, 'Why is it like something else or more than just breathing, thinking, feeling to be alive?'
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Must have skipped that lecture in med school, oh, wait a minute, I never went to med school: what the Hell are you talking about?
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Just so, this isn't taught in medical school or any other science curriculum. Look, the key question is, what is that 'something' we, the organically "alive", feel like when we are so-called conscious,... with me?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
You want the honest truth, I hope not! Seriously, could we just boil it all down to plainspeak.
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Perhaps next time; I have a lecture at that same University tonight, must prepare----maybe you want to attend?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
No thanks, saving what's left of my brain or mind, or whatever 'it' is, for some bean counting tomorrow, take a raincheck. What's the current prognosis on Josey, give me the lay version, please.
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Certainly; frankly, I see him here for some time, at least until we can make sense of his byplay with this new patient. As soon as we have any meaningful tapes I'll be sure and let you hear them, fair enough?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Deal; thanks, Doc. Hey, I am actually fascinated by the whole mind/brain thing, perhaps you could let me have a tape of that lecture of yours as well.
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Why, yes, they'll be available at the campus bookstore soon after, just ask for: "That Certain Something" as the title, by Drs. Graff & Weiskopf, $15.99, I believe.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Now that last part even I can understand.
(they both laugh amiably and part)
CUT TO TWO DAYS LATER:
INT. EXECUTIVE OFFICES OF CORPORATION - DAY
Brodsky has given his read on the financial numbers to Bollinger.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
I'm ready to advise the underwriters to shoot for another quarter mill, but's that's the limit for now; also, going to recommend that I be detailed here as Sr. VP/General Counsel, any problem with that?
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
Certainly not, you've made my year, not to mention that of our "do-it-all" whizzkid Yvette Chardin.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
I don't quite copy that....
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
She's the one who was covering reception the first day you came in; seems you caught her eye.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Yes, yes, amazing eyes, at that.....she single?
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
As single as 'safe' at first base! That reminds me, got great tix to the game tonight, you in?
JOSEPH BRODSKY

Sure, sure, got a third maybe?
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
I think I get your drift; look, she was working late tonight at my request, why not use my two tickets?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Just be sure and remember that my business recommendation came before this particular chicken, got it!?
PRESIDENT BOLLINGER
Hey, you might have just solved the chicken or egg dilemma once and for all!
(typical male sexist laughter)
CUT TO:
EXT. BASEBALL PARK - NIGHT
Yvette & Joe are seated behind first base, but haven't noticed the game....
YVETTE CHARDIN
Is there something you've noticed that I missed?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
(he has been staring at her)
Sorry, sorry; no, nothing detrimental that is.
YVETTE CHARDIN
Well that's a relief; thought you were gonna produce a pocket watch and start the hypnosis. Actually, we're both guilty of the same thing, you just didn't catch me.
(she is smiling shyly)
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn----that is, if you stare right back at me. You hungry, cause I hate baseball.....
YVETTE CHARDIN
The only thing worse is those chunky girl softball teams, you know, with the weird pitching style, really creeps me out.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Know what you mean, really boring. This is your town, know any 'little places'?
YVETTE CHARDIN
If you like good steaks.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Funny thing, I'm at heart a vegetarian, but right now I think I may need some animal protein.
(smiling not so shyly)
YVETTE CHARDIN
Let's go.....
CUT TO:
INT. DIMLY LIT MORTON'S STEAKHOUSE - LATER
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Wow, feel recharged; what about dessert?
YVETTE CHARDIN
Sure.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Wait a minute, was that a yes?
YVETTE CHARDIN
Affirmative. Guess you're used to these closet bulimic women who pretend to diet regularly when what they do is binge and purge. Sad.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
I'm speechless....
YVETTE CHARDIN
See, the body has its own wisdom, as in gut feeling. Knows what it needs, and if you fight it, you're an unhappy otherwise stressed less healthy person anyway, so why not just listen. The secret is just common table manners really, eat slowly, chew your food, the hungry signals shut down automatically.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
You have a science background, right?
YVETTE CHARDIN
Wrong; look, I just told you, manners.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Would it be a terrible breach of good table manners to suggest that we have dessert at my place?
YVETTE CHARDIN
Oh, well, always liked home cooking myself, as long as it has nothing to do with Martha Stewart!
(she utters a most unusual laugh)
JOSEPH BRODSKY
You sound like that laugh is directly from your soul!
YVETTE CHARDIN
Wait till you get to the rest of me.
CUT TO AN HOUR LATER:
INT. BRODSKY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Greco-Roman wrestling has now become a coed sport, and they have both pinned each other into exhaustion....
JOSEPH BRODSKY
You have to tell me how you do that....
(he is out of breath)
YVETTE CHARDIN
Sorry, trade secret. Besides, you seem to have done some damage yourself. Got any band-aids
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Oh, Jesus, my 5 o'clock shadow!
YVETTE CHARDIN
Hey, it's more your clever tongue than your beard!
(laughing yet another interesting way)
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Seriously, did you just materialize from some other dimension or rescind your vows at the nunnery....how is it that you're available?
YVETTE CHARDIN
Simple really, twice divorced. One child, to whom I must return shortly; what's your story?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
If you have tears prepare to shed them! My ex wife once told me that my story was one written by Greeks, but I prefer Shakespeare. Two boys, want custody, but the courts are not known for their justice-dispensing ways.
YVETTE CHARDIN
Don't mention courts; try and find a female judge, and, when you do, tell me she's not some wannabe guy under those robes.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Believe in past lives?
YVETTE CHARDIN
Which one?
(she laughs, interestingly)
What makes you think that this one is real?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Come again; it feels real to me, especially the last couple of hours.
YVETTE CHARDIN
What is feeling? Your five senses are all you have really, and most of them are inferior to our four-legged friends. They really aren't all that reliable even without comparisons. No, before we start recounting past lives, let's analyze this one.
(she looks at the clock)
Oops, gotta go.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
I feel like I could talk to you forever.
YVETTE CHARDIN
Just be happy I'm not your shrink, cost you a fortune.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
I'd argue for the barter system! Besides, already got one, or feel like I do, actually he's my broth.....
(he stops himself)
YVETTE CHARDIN
Don't worry, I dated one, they're clueless.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
I'll be staying on at the firm indefinitely, you know.
(he is walking her to the door)
YVETTE CHARDIN
Know all about it, remember.
(she hears a cab horn)
There's my carriage; see you tomorrow.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Looking forward to it.
(they embrace)
YVETTE CHARDIN
Ouch, my band-aids
CUT TO:
INT. LECTURE HALL AT UNIVERSITY - NIGHT
Drs. Graff and Weiskopf are concluding their talk by Q& A.
STUDENT QUESTIONER
This is for Dr. Weiskopf....how is it that you can even talk about something like consciousness when you've never even done drugs?
(spontaneous laughter from audience and lecturers)
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
It's really quite simple, I have! I hasten to add, though, that it was as a subject in a controlled experiment done years ago under, of all people, the late Dr. Leary. Despite his latter reputation, he was actually a quite serious researcher, well-regarded and so forth. IT was then that I began to understand that our senses are easily deceived-----this is rather well documented in the literature. Essentially, sight, touch, smell, hearing, and taste are governed by the same mathematical process, and are at best approximate reality inputs. Smell can be fooled by synthetic substances, touch by the same, and so forth. The criminal justice faculty tell me that so-called eyewitnesses are incredibly inconsistent----and only part of the reason is the blind spot we all have in the center of the eye. NO, even without hallucinogenic substances, our version of reality can be quite altered from the truth.
OLDER QUESTIONER
Dr., can you shed some light on the concept of the brain as an organic hologram, advanced by David Bohm?
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
I will certainly try.
(nervous laughter)



DR. FRED WEISKOPF (cont'd)
AS you may know, that theory has been put forth as a scientific one inclusive of a variety of so-called paranormal experiences which are now widespread in the population. For example, near death and out of body experiences seem to be logically accounted for if you assume that the brain's memory functions operate like a hologram, the properties of which are such that every fragment of a holographic record contains all the information of the entire film! Now, if the electromagnetic interference patterns are aligned at the right angle, we get an image which we call a memory. Who am I to argue with so distinguished a scientist, one whose company the reclusive Dr. Einstein actually sought out----no, I discard nothing so elegant as this theory. Ultimately, the point is this: our brain, as wonderful as it may be, is not infallible nor are the senses which feed it everything it knows about the external world. The result is a sobering one-----what we think is factual may, in fact, be seriously incomplete, even false.
MODERATOR
Gentlemen, we are out of time; I want to thank the audience and our lecturers for their stimulating contributions; remember, tapes of this lecture will be available in a week at the bookstore here and in town, with proceeds going to benefit our research. Good night all.
CUT TO TWO WEEKS LATER:
EXT. SANITORIUM IN WOODED SUBURB - DAY
Josiah and his pretty friend are seated across from each other in the outdoor visitors area......
JOSIAH BRODSKY
(whispering as usual)
What did you do last night?
LINDA CARTER
Just laid there, trying to heal myself......
(sighs)
JOSIAH BRODSKY
They do say it's 'mind over matter', so maybe you can; me, couldn't sleep at all, kept having all kindsa thoughts.
LINDA CARTER
Bout what?
JOSIAH BRODSKY
Us!
(smiling broadly, drool protruding)
It's really neat.....not tellin you, though!
LINDA CARTER
OK, then, let's just DO things, not talk about them.
(now she smiles awkwardly)
JOSIAH BRODSKY
Great!
(he is staring into her eyes, she into his)
FADE TO BRIGHT WHITE:
INT. FLIGHT TO NEW YORK - EVENING
Joe & Yvette are on their way to NYC for business and pleasure......
YVETTE CHARDIN
You sure that sitter is a trained nurse?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Would you just relax, she's chief of staff at that well-respected hospital I told you about, you know, my brother's 'place'.
YVETTE CHARDIN
Yeah, but Fosworth is only asthmatic, not ....... well....
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Hey, he's doing rather well these days, Doc tells me he's mind-melding with a new female patient and, well, is showing incredible EEG/EMG readings.
YVETTE CHARDIN
Men, you all act so surprised at our suppressed....I mean oppressed talents. Give me a break.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
You shall have one; this escrow break on the new capital for your company
(he is interrupted)
YVETTE CHARDIN
My company?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
You heard right; look, I know who's been the rainmaker there and it ain't Bollinger.
YVETTE CHARDIN
Little me with my GED? Anyway, remember what I said about manners....just treat everyone with respect and bingo: must be my testosterone deficit.
(grinning like someone with complete self-knowledge)
JOSEPH BRODSKY
As you wish, your Highness.....after the two hour closing, we're going to take Manhattan, not sure about the Bronx or Staten Island, though!
FLIGHT ATTENDANT
May I get you folks another?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
No, thanks, we'll be getting off at Cloud 9, just the check, please.
CUT TO TWO DAYS LATER:
EXT. HORSE-DRAWN CABRIOLET IN CENTRAL PARK - EVENING
They are snuggled into a garish cab on a perfect Spring day.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Sorry you had to ascend alone, but gave the footman the day off....manners.
YVETTE CHARDIN
(she slugs him straight arm)
I would have given him a raise! This is all very lovely, but I'm concerned about the horse.....
JOSEPH BRODSKY
We could have a team of Clydesdales and you would want a vet in the carriage with us; look, you're allowed to enjoy your life without doing God's job at the same time!
(joking laughter)
YVETTE CHARDIN
Go ahead, laughing boy, but at the micro-level we are all the same and all connected, just like us, twisted crashes of energy.
JOSEPH BRODSKY
Is somebody writing this down! Where do you get these insights, hanging out with the staff at some particle accelerator?!
YVETTE CHARDIN
Alright, tell me this, how do you know 'you', a bunch of self-organized molecules, are 'here', in Central Park, with 'me' and not something/somewhere else?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
My dear, I have ID, a map and a driver to back me up.
YVETTE CHARDIN
It's all perception, from 5 very human senses feeding a three pound organ we don't even understand much
about and you want to multiply those errors by asking others?
JOSEPH BRODSKY
......guess a notary wouldn't be much help?
YVETTE CHARDIN
You're hopeless!
(they embrace passionately)
Bring up Wayne Newton tune, "Dankashein"
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. STAFF PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - AFTERNOON
Mrs. Brodsky has arrived for an unscheduled visit with her son Josiah; she is meeting with Dr. first.....
MRS. BRODSKY
Good day, I'm here to see Dr. Weiskopf. Never know where to sign in, just nervous I guess.
RECEIVING NURSE
That's OK, ma'am, I'll sign you in.
(she is on the phone, at the computer screen, very busy)
She proceeds down the hall to Dr.'s office, knocks.
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Yes, yes, come in Clara. Thank you for coming.....I think you will be pleased with what I have to report.
MRS. BRODSKY
I'm so nervous I couldn't even sign in; what is it Doctor that you couldn't share with me over the phone, you know how hostile Josey is to me.
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
You recall when we were last together I promised to try and get some good tape-recording of Josey with our new female patient; well, our technical people have equipped their wheelchairs with microrecorders, very sensitive, spy stuff really, so that the whispering problem is now not a problem.........
MRS. BRODSKY
Doctor, please, my nerves......what is it?
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Quite right, sorry, I'll cut to the chase:
(he buzzes for a technician who wheels in a tape playback amplifier)
He begins playing the tape.....
YVETTE CHARDIN (O.S.)
"Is there something I missed that you've noticed?"
JOSEPH BRODSKY (O.S.)
"Sorry, sorry, nothing detrimental that is."
The tape continues through verbatim replay of page 13 onto 14. Near the end, the receiving nurse walks in without knocking, handing Dr. W. a clipboard....
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Mrs. Boronsky, before we discuss the tape, you did say you couldn't sign in today, right?
(hands her the clipboard)
MRS. BRODSKY
That's right, the nurse did it f.......
(she drops the clipboard to the floor, her face flushed)
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Isn't it possible that you signed Josey's name unconsciously?
MRS. BRODSKY
Doctor, I know my son's handwriting like my own, it is very distinctive......but who is 'Joseph' Brodsky'?!
(she is short of breath)
RECEIVING NURSE
A distant relative, perhaps?
MRS. BRODSKY
Please, both of you: Josey is my only child, and I am the only surviving family!
DR. FRED WEISKOPF
Let's all take a deep breath.....I'm confident that we can, in time, account for these odd phenomena.......you see, there is so much we don't yet understand about our minds.......
FADE TO BLACK.
Music up, "Windmills of Your Mind" by Noel Harrison.

ZERO SUM BY J.B. PRAVDA (C)

EXT. TEA JUANACO BOLIVIA - DAY
DR. Archaeus Touloumous is in his fourth week of a long-planned excavation of what may be the oldest known city in the world.....
NORA SLAUGHTER
(she has encountered a metallic object, rectangular in her sonic readings of the subsurface)
What in heaven's name?
(she is getting a fuzzy picture of what looks like a laptop computer)
Holy pythons! Bartholomew, take a look at this, please!
BART BODLIAN
Are your settings calibrated?
(he is a very pragmatic civil engineer)
NORA SLAUGHTER
They should be, you set them; look, just suspend your disbelief for a nanosecond, and tell me what you think that is------assuming it is metal.....
BART BODLIAN
(he gulps so deeply his large Adam's apple is bobbing)
It's reading right, question is, are we reading it right? It's not that deep, maybe 10 meters.....let's get cleared to do a boring.
CUT TO:
INT. DR. TOULOUMOUS'S TRAILER - DAY
The two enthusiasts who found "it" have done a Max Sennet entrance, shoulder to shoulder into the same doorway at the same moment..
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
I certainly hope the two of you are more graceful handling my artifacts....
NORA SLAUGHTER
Oh, believe me, with this particular artifact we have been....tell him....
BART BODLIAN
Well, you found it, go...go ahead....
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Oh, for the sake of Veracocha and all his descendants, what is it!?
BART BODLIAN
Maybe you should just follow us, be worth you while...
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Oh, very well, it is a good thing you didn't undertake to study communications.....
(he approaches the monitor, under the on-site tenting, mouth agape)
What the.......
BART BODLIAN
It seems you've acquired our speech impediment.....
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Have you printed hard copies, put it on diskette? Probably not....look, get this copied and emailed pronto to Dr. Emmaeus in Athens, this makes the Anticathera device look like a tinkertoy! Get me a metallurgist, and a sonar expert on the phone once the image has been secured and transmitted.
BART BODLIAN
On it; do we want to encrypt the communications?
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Absolutely; no one but our colleagues in Greece must know about this, no one, clear?
NORA SLAUGHTER
Why the cloak and dagger? This could get us greater funding.
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Yes, along with debunking trench-coated status quo monsters coming out of the woodwork-----No, we must handle this very discreetly. I have seen too many 'purists' ruined by naivete in dealing with Establishment types.
NORA SLAUGHTER
You've got it, Doc; no way I'm losing this credit!
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
There will be far more to your benefit than mere academic recognition, if it is what I think it may......in any event, let's call it a day, dismiss the staff for the weekend.
FADE TO FLASHBACK OF BLACK WITH STARRY NIGHT SKY:
EXT. LANDING SITE BOLIVIA 20,000 B.C. - DAY
The advance party has landed, having scouted suitable sites for a base on Orbus 479, according to the explorers' charts....communication is telepathic......
COMMANDER OF EXPEDITION
There is an acceptable anoxia ratio; we will place the encampment here; see to it, Ortheus.
(he stands bestride the controls of the oblong craft, at 7'5")
Commence disembarkation.
PILOT IN CHARGE OF LANDING
Shall we ready the robotic probes?
COMMANDER OF EXPEDITION
Yes; we must scout for local creatures. Our mission must be completed within the fortenation of the glomertrans! We must work with what we encounter of the bipedal variety, these are my instructions from Frueth.
The retrograde power source is activated effectively allowing for a nearly silent touchdown; emerging from the craft are stolid looking robots identical in their outward appearance....
FADE TO BLINDING WHITE:
INT. LABORATORY OF DR. SCHMESLOV IN ATHENS - EVENING
The---seemingly----secure transmission of the "Find" has been received; it has caused certain colleagues to remain, for analysis.....
DR. ANTON SCHMESLOV
I vill need Dr. Emmaeus for this work; it cannot be Neolithic, that is for certain; yet, the sedimentary layer would belie these impressions......I simply cannot make any conclusions; get me the catastrophism database for this region, any chance of subsurface upheaval, etc......
DR. LAVINIA ANTALOVETZ
Certainly, Doctor, but don't you think we should wait until the morning, his time?
DR. ANTON SCHMESLOV
This is the morning of the beginning of real Earth history if this is what we think it must be, do you not realize this!!
DR. LAVINIA ANTALOVETZ
Of course, but perhaps we need more data.
DR. ANTON SCHMESLOV
Alright, let's wait for them to unearth the device, whatever it is; in the interim, we should all get some sleep.
(they retire to an anteroom in the laboratory)
CUT TO:
INT. "ALL EARS" LISTENING POST IN TURKEY'S SWANSON AIR BASE - NIGHT
The "Establishment" has indeed been listening; despite the antiquated systems of Dr. Touloumous, the unblinking status quo boys are ahead of the curve.....
SGT. STAN D'MICO
Picking up some weird byplay from South America to Greece; could be some IJs, should we buzz the Colonel?
CORPORAL PETE DIX0N
I what?
SGT. STAN D'MICO
Wake up, bozo, code for explorer types, working on way-out shit we've closed the book on----never heard of Spielberg, somebody Jones!?
CORPORAL PETE DIX0N
Duh! Sorry, kinda late.
SGT. STAN D'MICO
That's when the interesting shit goes on, trust me, rookie.
(he buzzes Col. Cobb)
COL. CORNELIUS COBB
Yeah, whassup?
SGT. STAN D'MICO
Beggin your pardon sir, but we got some action where it shouldn't be.
COL. CORNELIUS COBB
What kinda action?
SGT. STAN D'MICO
Diggers, in goddam Bolivia.
COL. CORNELIUS COBB
Be there in a few.
FADE TO BLACK.
EXT. DIG SITE AT TEA JUANACO BOLIVIA - MORNING
The on-site team has heard back from Dr. Emmaeus and his people in Athens, requesting that the artifact be secured----they have detected interference in the electronic transmissions, and are paranoid: it's the Russians in the laboratory team......Bart Bodlian has gone into the village down the mountain to get some crucial supplies for the weekend.
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Alright, we must do this with great care; are you sure you know how?
HENRY PENDERGAST
Only one reason I'm here: when stuff needs to be done no one wants to try; relax, my uncle brought up the Anticathera device.....
NORA SLAUGHTER
(under her breath)
That true?
(he looks at her like she was born yesterday)
Maybe we should bring back some of the guys.....
HENRY PENDERGAST
Thanks alot; look, I could use some quiet while I do these last few adjustments on my triangulator, ok?
(he grimaces, then smiles)
Got it! Hold on, now, gonna break away any subsurface abrasives with the sound wave activator.
(a faint sonic sound, like a low continuous sonic boom)
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
(looking at the remote monitor)
Steady, now, that's it, she's clear. Gently, my friend......
HENRY PENDERGAST
No problema, just like diggin for oil back in Alaska!
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
This is worth all the oil you ever prospected; Nora, did we order the chopper?
NORA SLAUGHTER
On its way; where you gonna take it?
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
I don't wish to be rude, but it's nobody's business, now that the 'Ears' are perked!
(she nods in acknowledgement)
NORA SLAUGHTER
What was that?!
(she has seen a sun glare glint, off something like a lens)
You see it?
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Sorry, too busy nursing the baby out; what was it?
NORA SLAUGHTER
Dunno, probably just the heat, not sure, thought I saw a glasslike refraction.
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Not taking any chances, could be someone watching, they did have several hours warning before local daylight;
(turning to Henry)
Hank, where are we?!
HENRY PENDERGAST
Almost got it clear; few minutes more.
(the faint whirr of a helicopter is heard)
NORA SLAUGHTER
There it is.....
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
You certain, looks military.....
(just then, two figures jump down onto ropes from the distant chopper)
NORA SLAUGHTER
Doc, boys, we got company, uninvited, that is.....
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
It's free! Bring it up gingerly, please....
(it rises above the holes dug strategically around it, shining through the surface soil)
Quick, Nora, get the Jeep!
(she runs to get it, nearby)
HENRY PENDERGAST
You go on Doc, I'll cover for you!
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Are you crazy, they might torture you!
HENRY PENDERGAST
No way; my brother's a lawyer with Justice in D.C.; go on, get outta here; I'll bullshit their heads off; calling bro right now, just in case!
(Henry dials his cell phone for text messaging and GPS fixing; Dr. T and Nora drive off in an undetermined direction)
FADE TO BLINDING WHITE FLASHBACK:
EXT. SOMEWHERE ON THE ALTI PLANO IN BOLIVIA - DAY
The landing probes have encountered and captured some early humans, homo sapiens/sapiens variety; they are being scanned with some sort of device......
COMMANDER OF EXPEDITION
I have received communication that subjects suitable for implantation have been detected and detained; let us go there
(he shows a readout from a locator device to his legion)
LEGION LEADER
Yes, Commander; shall we seek a larger sampling?
COMMANDER OF EXPEDITION
No, it will not be necessary; we will disperse these to other land masses before departure.
SCIENCE OFFICER
Commander, it is wise to gather more specimens, their mortality rate is......
COMMANDER OF EXPEDITION
Yes, yes, I know, but I have orders to keep the experiment small; we must test the acceptability of these creatures before we invest our whole system into them; Frueth has been very clear about this; while I understand your point, this has been decided, we cannot risk them relying on us too much.
SCIENCE OFFICER
As you command.
(he goes to join the droid team for implantation)
CUT TO:
INT. SITE TRAILER AT TEA JUANACO - EVENING
BART BODLIAN
(he approaches a dark trailer)
Hello, anyone h......
(he is grabbed by two men)
What the hell?! Who are you?
STRONGARM IN KHAKIS
We'll put the questions to you!
(sounds like Russian accent)
BART BODLIAN
Fine, let loose of me, if you want any kinda answer except fuckoff!
(he is released from their grip)
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Did you know that this is our site?
BART BODLIAN
Hey, only work here, ok? DR. Touloumous has the rights.....
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
I see you have no difficulty with assumptions, eh; you see, we have worked on this site since Dr. Wolinsky commenced work here some 50+ years ago. This is well known to the Bolivian authorities, as he was on staff at the University in La Paz for most of that time. But you Americans, everywhere is just another Wild West to grab, yes?
BART BODLIAN
I happen to be Canadian, and Dr. Touloumous is Greek!
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
In any event, this is a Russian-Bolivian site, and you have been trespassing; apparently, some bureaucrat decided to take your money just the same and issued you false papers.
BART BODLIAN
Well, then you know it was not intentional; look, we have a Russian scientist on staff in Athens, why didn't he say something?
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
My friend, this is 2001, and once proud Russia is losing her brains to everyone; half of Israel's scientists are Russian born.
BART BODLIAN
I'd love to chat about sad old Russia, but where the hell is everyone.....
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
We have found only this man, who refuses even to give us his name.
(he motions to the other room where Henry is sitting in the dark)
SECOND RUSSIAN
Quiet; someone's coming by car.
(they all duck down from the windows)
Two Land Rovers pull up slowly; three men in masks get out and approach the trailer; they don't see the chopper which is camouflaged and appears to be just a dark sand dune.
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
(whispering to his men)
Wait for them to get close; Dimitri, go up on the roof through the air vent.
THIRD RUSSIAN
I will use the taser on them, much simpler, yes?
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Da!
(just then, two of the men are tased, the third is jumped commando style from the roof, his mask pulled down around his eyes)
JUMPED MAN
(muffled shouting)
Lemme up, will ya?
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Be nice, and you will live to tell about your fun in the sun, eh? Now, who are you?
JUMPED MAN
Name, rank, ser.....
DR. ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Forget it; obviously American hotdogs, probably heard about the find; duct tape them, with blindfolds, and then leave them water, and their communications gear. Set jammers for two hours so that we may get clear of these, how do you say, Bozos.
(turning to Henry, now much more attentive, and Bart)
OK, time to choose sides; these guys don't look very polite to me, no manners; want a lift?
(they nod enthusiastically in the affirmative)
Let's go, boys.
(turning back to the now conscious three Americans)
As for you, no more cowboys antics, this is not a Western, and this is South America!
(smiling broadly)
FADE TO BLACK.
EXT. OPAQUE ACRYLIC TENT APPROXIMATELY 100KM FROM TIA JUANACO DIG - NIGHT
Having eluded, thus far, capture or detection, by whoever was approaching base camp, Dr. Touloumous and Nora Slaughter are ensconced in a light-blocking tent structure; their Jeep is also camouflaged with a tarpaulin.
DR. TOULOUMOUS
(he runs a Geiger counter over the 'find')
Strange, getting no reading yet the thing appears to have a power source of some kind....
NORA SLAUGHTER
I should hope so, the thing is glowing.....no heat, though.
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Well, we can't be sure the 'glow' won't be visible with infrared, so we had better put it back into this lead-lined container. I certainly hope that Henry is holding up with whoever came upon him.
NORA SLAUGHTER
Don't forget about Bart; I wonder.....
(just then a cell phone rings)
I didn't know these things would work out here!
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Normally, no but Bart rigged up a portable dish at camp which will work if the caller is airborne..... I'll answer without saying anything
(he clicks to answer)
Static; wait, there.
CALLER (O.S.)
Dr. Touloumous, are you there? DR., it's Henry.....
NORA SLAUGHTER
Could be a trap, someone forcing him, you know?
CALLER
I know you are reluctant to respond; and we don't want to invite hostile parties; take down this location and we, that is, Bart and I will meet you there; no time to explain, but we are safe with some friendlies, sure of that. Hope to see you soon. WE will wait for you.
(transmission ends)
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Well, we can't take any chances so I'm going to hide the device several kilometers from here----not even you will know so that if things get rough, you will be safe. GO ahead and get new bearings on the GPS, meantime I'll go and secure this thing; then we will head for them and hope that they have not been fooled by their new friends.
NORA SLAUGHTER
Are you sure that's such a good idea?
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Yes, worst case, you will have a new expedition to undertake should harm come to me, which is most unlikely as whoever is seeking us knows the potential significance of this find and won't allow it to be accidentally discovered by anyone else.
(he rises to leave)
NORA SLAUGHTER
Almost said be careful, seems rather silly at this point.
(they exchange knowing smiles)
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Be back within the hour. Get some rest.
FLASHBACK TO ALIEN LANDING PARTY:
INT. OVAL-CONFIGURED LABORATORY WITH STRANGELY EPHEMERAL INSTRUMENTS - EVENING
There are about 100 subjects, early humans, in some sort of suspended state of animation; they seem conscious but in no apparent pain.
IMPLANTATION LEADER
(he has pressed a button on a device which has activated the instruments)
Commander, look to the hologram behind me, if you wish to see the procedure in detail.
(he sweeps his humanoid hand behind him without also looking)
COMMANDER OF EXPEDITION
Most interesting; are they suitable?
IMPLANTATION LEADER
We have found their double helix mapping to be rather primitive yet flexible; they will make good candidates for acceleration of cortical enhancement.
COMMANDER OF EXPEDITION
Very well; I will return to the command base and communicate this home; will you need the roboprobes for security?
IMPLANTATION LEADER
No, they are quite under sedation.
The expedition leader leaves with the four robotic probes.
CUT TO AN HOUR LATER:
INT. OVAL-CONFIGURED LABORATORY WITH STRANGELY EPHEMERAL INSTRUMENTS - NIGHT
All implantations of genetic material have been completed; one of the subjects, a burly male, very strong, awakens and breaks free of his restraints; he is fascinated by the instrumentation control mechanism and takes hold of it; he proceeds to just outside the lab walls through a portal opening and does what all primitive animals do with 'prized objects'----he buries it. In doing so, he accidentally activates the implantation devices in the lab, recalling the technicians in a panic. Throbbing warning lights are everywhere.
TECHNICIAN 1
Where is the faunculator?
TECHNICIAN 2
I will get another.
(he hurries to a wall of the lab and seems to extract it from nowhere)
TECHNICIAN 1
There is a subject missing; shall we seek it out?
TECHNICIAN 2
No, this is a clear indication of its unsuitability...it will now likely die within hours due to the inactivated faunculator. These others are still somnolescent and will be maintained the requisite period by the new one.
TECHNICIAN 1
Come, let us continue our rest; departure is soon enough. The oxygen levels here are still too great for my system.
TECHNICIAN 2
For mine as well; the military types seem to thrive in it though. It is they who will be returning here periodically to the base camp, so that is just as well.
CUT TO:
EXT. DIG SITE AT TEA JUANACO BOLIVIA - NIGHT
Four commandoes from the initial party dispatched by Col. Cobb's group who had vehicle trouble and saw the unfamiliar chopper depart an hour ago are finally on scene.
COMMANDO ONE
(on seeing the familiar Land Rovers of their comrades)
What the hell, maybe their Hummers broke down too!
COMMANDO TWO
Get real, our breakdown was a freak deal....you hear that?
COMMANDO ONE
Yeah, coming from inside the trailer; I'll go up on the roof and drop a smoker, then come on in.
(they give each other thumbs up)
CUT TO MINUTES LATER:
INT. DIG SITE TRAILER - NIGHT
Smoke and coughing are everywhere; out come the gas masks.
COMANDO TWO
Come on down, they're friendlies.
(he rips/cuts off their duct tape and hustles the three men outside)
Take it easy, gulp air!
COMMANDO ONE
I'm ready when you are to hear their story, Christ, we're talking a few academic types, no Rambo.
(exasperated, he reports in now that radio silenced is no longer in effect)
This is Dr. Jones, do you copy?
RETURN VOICE (O.S.)
Roger that; this is the Ark; we ain't lost, though, maybe you boys are. Where the hell have you been?
COMMANDO ONE
We broke down in reserve status to our buds now rescued from the pencil necks, no sign of them, though. Spotted a chopper with weird markings about one hour and quarter departing the scene, over.
RETURN VOICE
Copy; be there in 30 minutes to secure the scene and evac. Out.
COMMANDO TWO
(addressing the captive comrades)
Let's hear it.
CAPTIVE COMMANDO LEADER
Goddam Russians, swear to God! Fore we knew what was up, my boys here get tazed through that window, then I get jumped; didn't see any faces but they were speaking with Russian accents, right fellas....
TAZED COMMANDO
Hey, we were out the whole time, sorry.
COMMANDO TWO
Gonna need a written report on this thing, Russians sounds as good as regular bullshit to me.
TAZED COMMANDO
Let's start looking for some clues boys, gonna be a long night in debrief.
FADE TO BLACK:
EXT. SMALL REMOTE JESUIT MONASTERY 50KM FROM DIG SITE - DAY
Dr. Touloumous and Nora pull up about 100 yards away.
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Let's stop here; they haven't arrived yet, it would appear.
NORA SLAUGHTER
There's someone coming, looks like a monk.
MONK
My name is Brother Joseph; your friends tell me that you are seeking refuge.
NORA SLAUGHTER
Well, in a way....
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
May I ask who our 'friends' are?
MONK
Senor, we ask no names here, only that our visitors respect this humble house of God. They are English speakers like yourselves, and three seem to be of Slavic origin. Come with me, if you please.
The three of them enter a darkened vestibule of the old colonial structure; they find Bart & Henry and others...
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
(addressing his comrades)
Well, it is good to see you both alive; tell me, how did you manage to escape the Big Ears people?
Emerging from the shadows....
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
I can explain that.......permit me to introduce my colleagues
(he motions in their direction, following him into the light)
It would appear that we happened upon your associates just in time; it is fortunate for them that we were making an early revisit to our site
(he is interrupted)
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Your site? What are you talking about?
BART BODLIAN
Apparently we were duped into believing that Dr. Wolinsky's work had been long completed; in fact, he had had Russian staff for some fifty years during his original work.
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
His wishes, made clear to the Bolivian government at the time, were that we continue his work. The world around bureaucrat has reared his ugly head once again, eh?
(he laughs)
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Alas, we academics are often fooled by modernity when focused upon the ancient past! MY thanks for your assistance to my friends....and, of course, for safeguarding the find. You are of the Swedenbourg Institute in Helsinki, yes?
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Just so; they have graciously funded our continued work; tell me, what do you think prompted the 'men who jump and die'
(he mocks the Green Beret tune from Hollywood)
NORA SLAUGHTER
I'm afraid that our communications with Athens were intercepted and decrypted; they know we have got something from the dig. AT least it is sa.....
(she is interrupted)
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
You are only partly right, my dear. You see, rather than bury it, which they would have at least been able to get out of you, I decided to deceive you for the good of all. I Strongly feel that the best thing we can do is immediately expose our find to the world, thereby making liars out of them before they can...well, lie!
(all break into bemused laughter)
Bart, be so kind as to go to my Jeep and fetch the container under the tarp. I trust that the Swedenbourg Institute will agree to share the find with us?
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Certainly, the truth is our master, both of us it would seem. WE are anxious to divine the secrets of your find, please to share what you know.
(Bart walks in with the find)
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Let us find a well-lit table and some tools.
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Allow me.
(he produces a surgical kit with fine instruments for examining it)
In the interim, perhaps the fathers could assist us in contacting the free press.
Bart leaves with father Joseph to transmit a short wave communication to an AP reporter he knows from other travels.
CUT TO DINING FACILITY:
INT. DINING ROOM OF THE MONASTERY - EVENING
The device has been opened revealing what appear to be surgical implant probes......
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Dr., I strongly suggest that we obtain the services of a medical laboratory in La Paz....I am willing to stake my reputation on the proposition that these implants carry genetic material of some kind which would be targeted to certain genes controlling aggression!
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Now, now, aren't we being hasty....after all, we are not sure that
(he is cut off)
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
Dr., Do you see these markings on the control panel?
(he points to an apparent diagram of some kind)
These very markings have been found throughout certain caves in my country, dated to roughly 20,000 years ago; they denote, according to our scientists, the symbols for 'peaceful cooperation.'
NORA SLAUGHTER
If you are right, then it may be that our off-world visitors----sound like the Bible so far?----truly Intended for us to live in peace.....
Bart reenters the room.
BART BODLIAN
We are all set; my friend says that he has tipped off his counterparts worldwide, just wants first shot at the thing and you for interviews....
FATHER JOSEPH
Please pardon the interruption, but I have something which may be of interest to you all.
(he motions for them to follow him)
They all proceed down a dark corridor to a closed room.
BART BODLIAN
What the.....
(he seems to have lost his voice at the sight of something)
FATHER JOSEPH
Is this not what you have discovered?
(he lights a candle to better illuminate a metallic object)
The now illuminated object is an apparent duplicate of the find, albeit in much better outward shape.....
DR. ARCAEUS TOULOUMOUS
Father, where on Earth did you get this device?
FATHER JOSEPH
Oh, it has been here since the monastery was built in 1521; legend has it that it was dug up during construction and was declared a holy omen by the Bishop of our order at that time. IT is said that it confers peace upon all who touch it.
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
(he falls to his knees, as a devout Russian Orthodox)
May I suggest, lady and gentlemen, that we have come in contact with what Dr. Einstein often made reference to: a truly subtle,peace-loving God.....who does not throw dice!
HENRY PENDERGAST
Whoa, now wait a minute, I dug one of these things up and....well, I'M feeling far from peaceful!
ALEXI KORCHNIKOFF
It is clear, is it not, that the creators of these devices simply did not finish their business and...perhaps they will return for that purpose!
FATHER JOSEPH
This has been foretold, of course; but,perhaps these artifacts have been left here for us to begin such work without them! Let us give our prayer of thanks.....
(all heads are bowed)
SHOT: PULLAWAY SHOT FROM ROBOT-LIKE STATUES AT THE DIG SITE
FADE OUT TO STARRY BLACKNESS.

Scriptnote: thrust=escaped subject has come to dominate, without nonzero ["win/win"] genetic implantation, hence human history to date.....

INT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY - WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME OF DAY IT IS, WE'RE INSIDE, AND HAVE BEEN FOR SOME GOOD MANY HOURS, OK?
A conservatively dressed middle-aged man is perusing an abstract art exhibit in New York; he is a journalist for a suburban Long Island weekly doing a Lifestyle piece for the general public; it is a much balyhooed one man show for an artist of the deconstructionist post-modern proto-Dadaist movement......
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(seeking the attention of the uniformed guard)
Excuse me, could you tell me the name of the artist?
GUARD
Sorry, sir, doesn't reveal that information to the public.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Seems rather silly, don't you think, since a self-portrait is hanging right here for all the world to see.
(he presses the guard who isn't used to this sort of thing)
GUARD
Well, yes, sir, true enough, but don't think there's any risk being recognized on the street, now do you?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Suppose you're right at that, with his head missing behind, or is it under....no, inside, that blobby thing there
(he points, somewhat unsure of what he is indicating)
Isn't that where his head would go?
GUARD
Not sure it's a he, sir, see what I mean, anonymous, that sort of thing.
(looks at his watch nervously)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
The blob, you mean? Oh, oh, see what you mean; well, thanks very much, all the same.
GUARD
Happy to help, sir. If it would be of interest, there is a guided tour starting in a few minutes, last one of the day, I believe.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Think I'll give it a try, confused really, titles don't really help, do they?
(he is contorting his body to gain a better perspective on the abstractions)
CUT TO few moments later:
INT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY LOBBY- ONE HOUR FROM CLOSING
TOUR GUIDE
Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll just follow me then, we will commence our journey through the exhibit.
(she extends her hand into the corridor)
Now, this piece is on loan from the Smathersley in Boston, a rare treat indeed, as it has never been seen, anywhere in the world; now then........
LIONEL WADSWORTH
I have a question-----how can we be sure these items are by the artist when we don't know the artist's name?
TOUR GUIDE
I'm sorry sir, but, due to the limited time for the tour we cannot take questions; now, you'll notice the minimalist brush strokes in white, covering the canvass....this is a technique innovated by the artist after long experimentation in black with the same sort of technique; the name, "Nada", is, of course, the Spanish word for nothing.
(they move along)
Now, this next item has quite a history: due to its name, "What the Hell are you looking at!", it has caused a controversy over whether the artist ever actually intended to have it shown publicly; since the movement founded by our artist does not believe in meaning, per se, no help has been forthcoming, however, this does not 'mean'
(nervous tittering)
that the artist approves of this showing, inasmuch as the movement does not subscribe to action, either pro or con.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Um, you said no questions: have a comment------who does this guy think he is!
TOUR GUIDE
Actually, sir, that is a question....
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Well, yeah, but it's rhetorical; I think I may want a refund.
TOUR GUIDE
Sir, the exhibit is free of charge, now I really must......
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, now, somebody was happy to take my money......
(he is cut off)
TOUR GUIDE
I'm sure they must have viewed it as a contribution.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Who benefits from the contributions?
TOUR GUIDE
That's a question......now, will you all follow me....
(she is cut off)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, THAT's a question!
TOUR GUIDE
How very alert of you, sir!
(she motions for the guard to come over)
GUARD
Any problems, ma'm?
(he looks in the direction of Lionel W.)
TOUR GUIDE
This gentleman may be interested in one of the brochures, to save us precious time. Mr. O'Malley, would you kindly show him to them?
(she and the group move on)
GUARD
Now, sir, why don't you come with me.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
I'll have you know, I paid good money to see this exhibit.....
(officer takes his arm)
GUARD
Must have been a contribution, something we're always grateful for, entitles you to free brochures.....
(he is interrupted)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Whaddya mean 'free brochures', aren't they....and another thing, I didn't want to make a contribution!
GUARD
Then I'm afraid there'll be a handling charge for any refund, paperwork, that sort of thing.
Lionel is dumbfounded beyond his prior state of mind, and therefore speechless.
GUARD (cont'd)
(unfased)
Now, then, let's get you a booklet and see if your questions can't be answered that way, be a good sport.
(they walk to the admission booth)
There, should get you up to speed; got one hour to closing time.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(thumbing through brochure)
Hold on; there's nothing in here but 'expletives deleted', and pictures of the paintings with names, some deleted.....
GUARD
That's right sir, artist doesn't approve of brochures, you see, so we had to wing it.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait a minute, she must have known that, just did that to shut me up.....
GUARD
Technically correct, sir, seeing as how the artist doesn't like questions, won't permit them during one of his or her exhibits. The curator had to promise to respect that, otherwise there would have been even greater objection to the exhibit, not by the artist, though, um told, see, doesn't believe in......
LIONEL WADSWORTH
......objections, right? Who the Hell is this guy?
GUARD
Could be a 'she', sir.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Whatever the artist is, got some nerve.
GUARD
Can't really say, sir, all we know is due to the Movement's beliefs, any type of 'action' is outlawed; no one here has even spoken to him.....I mean, the artist.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
So it may be a man, after all; oh, and by the way, isn't looking at the 'art' action?
GUARD
Slip of the tongue,sir's all; really, no one has ever seen the person who created this exhibit; and, uh, on that other point, not supposed to say, but, looking has been specifically exempted by the Movement.
(he looks around to see if he has been overheard)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
What do you mean, 'looking' is not approved by them, him, whoever?

GUARD
The kind of 'looking' that leads to questions, such as: 'What the hell is this; I don't understand this, can someone offer some insight into the symbolic significance of....', that sort of situation; although---- and you should find this in the brochure----passive looking is quite alright. Ties in with the whole anti-meaning theme, you see.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Then how the Hell did he....she, it do something called a Self-Portrait? And would you please stop directing me to the bloody brochure.....you just got through telling me you had to wing it!
GUARD
Oh, I should think that item was done in a very passive sort of way, no real action to it, according to the brochure, that is. And, uh, don't forget the Squid, sir, in the picture as well. Brochure's not really my department, now is it, just trying to be helpful.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
The what.....oh, yeah, the Giant Squid.....now you're going to tell me that since no one has actually seen such a creature that it agrees nicely, thematically speaking of course, with the manufactured mystery attitude?
GUARD
Hadn't really thought of it that way, but, yes, you could say it's kind of a symbol for the artist, and the Movement itself, I suppose, you know, no one has ever seen a Giant Squid in its habitat, that sort of thing, although, um told, the artist does live near the water, quite mysterious, as to your last point, know what I mean?
(he is pulling Lionel's leg, but Lionel doesn't seem to feel it in his pique)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
I suppose the next thing you're gonna say is that its because its too deep, right?
GUARD
What's too deep?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
The ocean!
(he catches himself shouting, covers his mouth apologetically)
GUARD
Oh, thought you were referring to the subject, thematically speaking, that is and, I'll thank you not to raise your voice, the children.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
They let children in here?
GUARD
Age discrimination, big lawsuit, got settled last week, glad of that, I'll tell you, woulda kept away all those snooty lawyers, especially the women ones, big fans of the artist, they.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that some jerk actually wanted his kid to see this stuff? Probably one of those elitist lawyers, right? Perfect suckers for this crap, aren't they, hell argue both sides of anything for a price-----say, maybe the artist is a lawyer?!
GUARD
Gettin outta my depth here, I'll go get the Assistant Curator for you; in the meantime, why don't you look over the brochure more thoroughly, just be a moment.
(he leaves)
CUT TO FEW MOMENTS LATER:
Lionel W. has been sitting on a viewing bench leafing through the brochure more thoroughly, now more upset than ever.
ASSISTANT CURATOR
I'm Jane Hathaway, how may I help you.
(the Guard is nearby, observing)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
I just don't understand what's going on here; pay money which I thought was required, then find out that it's free, and that you got sued to let kids see this crazy stuff.....
(cut off)
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Now, sir, this exhibit is the first of its kind in this country, with such a variety of work from a whole school of art theory, about which we are only just learning the philosophy behind......
(she is interrupted)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
If its never been seen before, how do you know its any good?!
(he is more frustrated)
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Oh, sir, with no disrespect, that is so naive, possibly even peurile, at least in the Middle French derivative sense of.....
(cut off)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
What....sorry, did you just question my virility?
ASSISTANT CURATOR
I'm afraid you misunderstand: this is the very response new art has always evoked and, then, once it is mainstreamed, all its originality is lost. WE do our very best to prepare the public with brochures, guided docent tours.....
(cut off again)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Brochures, tours.......lady, do you know that no questions are allowed about the things NOT in your brochure, which is everything, I might add.
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Minimalism, sir, questions get in the way of the isomorphic dialogue between the artist and you, this is a tenet of the Movement, one which we subscribe to wholeheartedly.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Oh, you mean the expletives I have been mercifully deprived of in your brochure for the blind.
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Sir, some of our most appreciative patrons are the unsighted.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Finally, something we might agree on! So, let me get this straight; you've never seen, talked to, nor has any of your peers anywhere, for that matter, and you are defending this guy?
ASSISTANT CURATOR
My guess is the artist is certainly a woman, the signs are ubiquitous, really.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
As in everywhere, I take it; ok, answer me this---------how do you know that some jerk like me didn't 'create' all this as a hoax?
ASSISTANT CURATOR
(laughing haughtily)
Droll, sir, very droll; no, this wasn't just thrown together by just anyone, no. Truthfully, it is virutally obvious, but, of course, I do have a Ph.D. in Art History, Eastern & Western traditions. No, it is her nuancing of the leitmotif of the vanished maternalism of prehistory, the virtual banishment of Woman from the vanguard of creative Voice....until now!
(she has grown impassioned as she is a member of NOW)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
They told me this artist's Movement doesn't allow meaning!
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Ah, it is there that we find the source of your ultimate confusion: that prohibition applies only to the meaning of 'meaning'.
GUARD
Beggin your pardon, Ms. Hathaway, closing time.
ASSISTANT CURATOR
There, you see, we must part, such a pity; however, I will, since you have been so persistent in your desire to learn, let you in on a secret: the actual auteur herself may be making an unscheduled appearance here tomorrow, Saturday!
GUARD
But you can't ask questions....
(cut off)
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Now, Mr. O'Malley, I'm sure our guest will behave himself if he chooses.....
(she is cut off)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Oh, wouldn't miss it; when is he....she supposed to be here?
ASSISTANT CURATOR
(smiling at Guard, who smiles back)
Ta, ta, no questions, remember? The fact is no one knows; the Movement doesn't believe in 'time', as we know it artifactually speaking, of course.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
So, tomorrow could mean the day after, right?
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Afraid those 'units of incarceration of Life', as she has so well put it, are verbotten; We'll all just have to wait and see, find it rather refreshing really, the absence of all the trappings of modernity and its angst, see what I mean?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Uh, uh, watch out for 'meaning.' See you.....whenever the artist decides to show up.
ASSISTANT CURATOR
No decidability, either, sir; spontaneity as in prehistoric times, so exciting, so 'primal.'
FADE OUT.
INT. NEARBY BAR - EVENING
Our reporter has a seething headache; he has sought what he thought was an old-fashioned refuge......
BARKEEP
Whad'll ya have, pal?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Double Glenfiddich, rocks, soda back, please!
BARKEEP
Tough day?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hard to classify it,really, feel like my brain has been microwaved, then blowdried.
BARKEEP
Funny you should say that, that happens to be the name of my favorite painting up the street----been to see it?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
You're joking, right?
(he gulps his drink)
BARKEEP
No, it's a fact: I think I liked the way the artist vacates the picture plane, abolishing the primitive notions of dimensionality in favor of a vacuum of possibilities, all the non-effects imploding in a confluence of non-representational purity of soul, divine madness, that sort of implicate disorder within order, vice versa.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(turning around on his stool, seeking another place to sit)
So you actually understand that stuff?
BARKEEP
Understanding is a rationalistic pursuit, dead, really, look where 'thinking' has gotten the world, man; no, the superrationality of the soul is where it's at.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
You're not attributing the valid theories of Jung, et. Al. to that stuff, are you?
(he suddenly has a revelation, hits his forehead)
Haaaaa! Great, really, good for business, I get it-----I'll have another.
Just then a group of women enters the bar, crowding around Lionel, basically ignoring him......
BARKEEP
Ladies, what will it be?
FIRST WOMAN
Oh, I feel like celebrating, what about you all------champagne cocktails, all around!
BARKEEP
Saw the exhibit, eh?
FIRST WOMAN
Amazing! What viscerality, what effortless deconstruction of bourgeois....
(seems breathless)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Pardon me, I may need some help with the exhibit......
(he is cut off)
SECOND WOMAN
Why, that's it: 'man needs help', couldn't have put it better!
(laughing along with her girlfriends)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Are one of you the artist?
(he smiles knowingly)
THIRD WOMAN
Who wants to know?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
You see, I'm a reporter, doing a bit on the show for the 'Great Unwashed', and they won't allow pictures, kinda stuck.
FOURTH WOMAN
Perhaps I can help.......Alana James, but my friends call me 'Anima'.....I can speak for the Movement, I feel.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(he is shaken)
The Jungian term? Interesting.....I was lead to believe that she never makes appearances, or even talks about her work.
ANIMA
Where did you get that idea?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Folks at the show, really everyone, the security guard, Assistant Curator.....
(he is cut off)
ANIMA
That, my poor friend, is a standard technique used by new, mysterious artists....plant actors in the Museum, knowing they will get questions of all kinds: the key is to be elusive if you want to be famous, the actors just hype it through the media types who fall for it every time! Where are you from?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Actually, I work for a weekly on the Island; but I have done freelance for the Daily News.
ANIMA
The last show this artist did, in LA, he/she, no one really knows, dressed as a Guard, had the place filled for two weeks.
FIRST WOMAN
Girls, we got to go, don't want to be late!
BARKEEP
It's on the house, ladies!
(they all throw him kisses, touching his hand, handing him phone numbers---they leave noisily)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, what's your secret?
BARKEEP
No secret, really-----they're the local hookers.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
So well-dressed, groomed, amazing.
BARKEEP
They work the artsy crowd, all into acting and costume; mostly, they do modeling work for avante garde artists around here.....easy money they say, no sex.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Boy, do I feel like a rube; have another.
BARKEEP
Don't sweat it----hell, for all we know, one of them might have been the artist!
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Where do you suppose they were off to?
BARKEEP
I heard the artist was holding an impromptu reception, don't know where though.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(excitedly)
When!? Oh, wait, he/she/it doesn't subscribe to time units, right?
BARKEEP
Where'd you get that; na, it's at 7 sharp, I heard, over at the Museum.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
That's in fifteen minutes, wow, what a break, thought I might have to come back tomorrow, sometime.
BARKEEP
Museum's closed tomorrow, renovations, after this show closes today, man.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(he finishes his drink in a hurry)
What's the damage?
(pulls out some cash)
BARKEEP
Free to members of the press, compliments of the Curator's office, said we should send over all you guys.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(under his breath)
I really have to get out more often.......
FADE TO:
EXT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY - LATER
Lionel is looking through the glass entryway, appears to be locked.....some of the girls from the bar are walking by quickly.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Scuse me ladies, where's the reception, you know, for the exhibit artist?
FIRST WOMAN
Oh, it's not here, it's somewhere else.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Are you going, can you tell me where?
SECOND WOMAN
That's the whole thing about the art world, never know!
(laughing with other woman)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
So the bartender was wrong?
FIRST WOMAN
Oh, him, he's new, never seen him before and we hang there often; we're trying to find the reception, not at eight anymore either....wanna come?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Sha.....sha...sure thing!
(he hops into a cab with the two women)
Where's 'Anima'?
(grinning broadly)
SECOND WOMAN
Who? Oh, her, don't know that well, never really hung out with her before, why?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Oh, nothing really, just had a hunch she might have been the artist.
SECOND WOMAN
Really think so, wow; this could be large for our modeling careers.
FIRST WOMAN
Hey, I know a guy who used to live with her, wanna ask him?
(to cab driver)
Driver, turn around and take us to Tribeca, I'll guide ya, don't worry.
INDIAN CABBIE
Will take us wery, wery lung time; you sure?
SECOND WOMAN
He's right, pull over; we'll jump on the subway, let's do it!
(they exit the cab)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, wait for me!
(to the cabbie)
How much? Never mind, here.
(hands him a ten, exits)
SECOND WOMAN
Come on, train's pullin in; hurry!
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(he spys a poster prominently displaying the exhibition he just attended)
Let's get the next one, hell it's an express line.
(walks over to the poster)
Wouldn't ya know it, the part with the artist's name is torn off!
SECOND WOMAN
Oh, that's their trademark; remember what Anima said-----a gimmick to make people curious, like you!
FIRST WOMAN
Hey, look, some kid's sellin posters, maybe he knows....
(she walks over to him)
Are these from the show?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Where did you get these?
(he has asked the punked out kid)
Are these from the one person show at the Met?
(the kid doesn't respond)
FIRST WOMAN
I think he's one of them....
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Who, the Movement? I thought they didn't believe in action of any kind, just passive observation.
SECOND WOMAN
Well, maybe that's what he's doin now, not responding and all;
(to the kid)
Hey, kid, you a follower of the artist?
The express number two pulls in to lower Manhattan.
FIRST WOMAN
Hey, train's here, let's go!
(she pulls Lionel's coat)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
In a second; here, ten bucks for one of these posters.....
(he is handed one rolled up, kid says nothing)
CUT TO FEW MOMENTS LATER:
INT. NEW YORK SUBWAY TRAIN - MOMENTS LATER
They have just made it onto an almost empty train; it is 8 pm; Lionel notices the kid pull out a cell phone, talk into it as they pull away.....
LIONEL WADSWORTH
You see that, kid was talking.....
SECOND WOMAN
What, to who?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
On a cell phone, don't know; thought they were so passive?
FIRST WOMAN
Hey, we're not experts, ok, just hang in the art scene for the bucks.
SECOND WOMAN
Sides, we're not so sure there is a Movement, you know, probably just a rumor to hype the shows.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(opening the poster)
Wait a minute, this thing is blank!
SECOND WOMAN
Turn it over, goofy!
(she flips it)
Whoa, still blank, weird, man!
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Painfully weird, spent ten bucks on this......all the others on display had images of the show's paintings, sure of it.
SECOND WOMAN
It's a statement, you know-----'you think you can hold us in your hand, but you can't, it's not that simple, you must hold us in your mind's eye'.......haaaaaaa!
(she has amused herself only)
FIRST WOMAN
Hey, you're creepin me out, here, freaky, really, ok?
SECOND WOMAN
Here's our stop.
(they exit only to find Anima standing there)
ANIMA
Hey, great timing, going to the Reception, wanna come?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hi, remember me? Where and when is it?
ANIMA
Gee, don't know, supposed to be invitation only, you know; oh, what the hell, just don't tell anyone you're press, ok, and, take off the tie, open your shirt.....that's it!
(she does the valet honors)
You know they've changed the time twice already, and the location; worried about crashers, show's so hot.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
You mean it was so hot.....it's closed out, right?
ANIMA
Poor baby, just don't have any clues at all; show's on for another week, held over, like a freakin great movie or Broadway show! C'mon, let's get going, only a few blocks.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
But the bartender....never mind. Fine, let's go.
(they climb the stairs,then walk four abreast)
Never got your names.....
(to the two others)
FIRST WOMAN
Angelique, friends just call me Angel though.
SECOND WOMAN
Me, um Clytemnestra, you know, like in ancient Greece, but um Italian, charmed.
(she thrusts out her hand to be kissed)
Hey, now yours....not Clark Kent is it?
(they giggle)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Lionel Wadsw......
(cut off)
SECOND WOMAN
No last names, keeps the mystery, don't ya think?
ANGELIQUE
Hey, we'll call you Lion, yeah?
CLYTEMNESTRA
Cool, totally cool; ok, when we walk in, we're all with Lion, kinda like his pride!
(the three girls laugh like demons)
Now look, this place'll be full of artsy types, so be cool, you know, like you're a writer; they know us, so you'll be the mystery man.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Fine, as far as it goes, but when they ask me what I've done, what then?
ANGELIQUE
No problema, just tell um you're latest is at the publisher's and they've asked you to keep it under wraps; other stuff, just tell em it's only available in Europe, in French!
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(catching himself falling into a vortex of the unknown)
Wait, wait; slow it down; all I want is to finally get some ID on this artiste, curiosity's killing me, kind of an imperative with me now.
CLYTEMNESTRA
(to the girls)
Sounds like a writer to me, huh?!
(more giggling)
You want a tranquilizer, got plenty?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Well, maybe just in case; thanks.
CLYTEMNESTRA
Well, we're here.
(she points to a four story brownstone in the Village)
FLASHBACK TO THAT AFTERNOON:
INT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY - DAY
Lionel is talking to the Assistant Curator, only she looks very different, like another person, like Anima!
ASSISTANT CURATOR
.......My Guess is the artist is almost certainly a woman.......
(she is cut off)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait, wait.....haven't we had this conv......deja vu, right? Remember?
ASSISTANT CURATOR
I beg your pardon? Are you feeling alright, may I get you some water?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
NO, NO, fine, think I am, anyway....
ASSISTANT CURATOR
(she motions to her assistant)
Ms. Hathaway, kindly fetch a cup of water, quickly. Come, sit down on the velvet bench with me, that's it.
Suddenly, he finds himself semi-nude with this woman, reclined on the velvet bench, amidst several people who are obliviously looking at the artwork, albeit passively, of course. Ms. Hathaway walks up nonchalantly with the water.
MS. HATHAWAY
Here we are, Mr........
(handing it to him, now fully dressed, sitting upright quite properly)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Thanks, not really necessary.....
(drinking, he opens his hand to find the tranquilizer tablet)
Where did this come from?
(to himself, though audible)
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Why, you obtained that from our guest artist, it's an extra-strength aspirin, the artist was most insistent when you stopped at a certain work and complained of a sharp migraine-like pain, don't you remember?
(she motions for Ms. Hathaway to leave)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
So, Clytemnestra is the artist! How clever, never would have guessed.....
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Who? That name, haven't heard it since college. Who is she?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Like to know myself; wait a minute, you know her, you were with her, and me on the subway......
(catches himself)
Sure it's just a resemblance, please pardon my behavior, including the bench.....
ASSISTANT CURATOR
I'm not following you.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Aren't you? Then how do you explain the absence of my tie, my shirt being open to the navel?
(he has just notice this about his person)
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Poor dear, you don't recall our staff nurse tending to you, sweating profusely.....
Just then, Anima is licking his chest, his neck of sweat, they are embracing in the museum private offices.
ANIMA
How are you feeling now, hmmmm?
There is a knock at the door; it is the senior Guard, Mr. O'Malley.
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Yes, who is it?
GUARD
Beggin your pardon, m'am, but the artist is about to leave, shall I ask um to wait?
ASSISTANT CURATOR
No, just tell the artist that I will see the artist later, at the Reception.
GUARD
Very good, m'am; shall I help you get dressed for tonight, then?
Lionel is bug-eyed, as if in a dream which has seemingly paralyzed him.
ASSISTANT CURATOR
Won't be necessary; still have some things to do here, and my Lion has consented to help me do them, goodnight.
(to Lionel)
Now, how about showing me some of that Dada technique, DaDa.....
CUT TO:
EXT. BROWNSTONE STAIRS IN GREENWICH VILLAGE - NIGHT
"Lion and his Pride" are climbing the stairs to a loud sounding apartment on the second floor.
ANIMA
Remember, we're an entourage for Lion here, got it?
(the girls agree)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait, this won't work.......
(just then they are at the opening door of a freak show)
HOST
Darlings, entre, entre, enchante, all; who is the handsome stranger?
ANIMA
You mean you don't recognize him, shame, shame!
HOST
Oh, him! WHy didn't you say so, everyone, everyone........
(suddenly the place becomes rather quiet)
This is you know who, and his lovely companions here to enoble our presence. Well, mingle, got to see about more stimulants....Julio, Julio.....
(he saunters down the hall)
Lionel is immediately abandoned by the girls, and is approached by a curious crowd.
OLDER MAN WEARING BERET
Ah, our guest of honor has arrived; everyone
(he points to Lionel over his head)
Please, tell us your particular view of postmodern modalities.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
I have no view.
ATTRACTIVE WOMAN WITH SMALL DOG
Touche, indeed; you can't fool the master of deception. Tell, me do you do private commissions?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
I don't do anything in the arts.
TRANSGENDER PERSON, TALL
Let me have at him; they're so imposing, with all their questions, do you do controversial nudes? I'M very available.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
I'm not.
(there is admiring laughter)
I am concerned with your toilet only.
(he exits the room to continuous oohing and ahhing)
Lionel wastes no time in climbing out the window and down the fire escape; in the alley he finds Anima.
LIONEL WADSWORTH (cont'd)
What the hell are you doing here, and thanks alot for dumping me!
ANIMA
That's the thanks I get, you were holding court, you loved it, come on, didn't want to break your stride; besides, gotta get over the real reception, this one's for a recluse writer-turned-painter......must Be why they went for you; hell, their questions are one size fits all anyway, don't know squat. Let's go, wanna make the real reception.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait, wait; I'm beat, not used to all this action.
ANIMA
No problem, it's not till midnight, so we'll crash at my place, not far.
CUT TO FEW MOMENTS LATER:
INT. ANIMA'S APARTMENT - LATER
Lionel and Anima are on the smallish balcony, sipping wine.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, call me crazy, but I'm having a real identity crisis, can you help? Who the hell am I, don't remember.
ANIMA
Not a problem; give me your hand.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
No, seriously, can you 'read' me?
ANIMA
Sure, a bit psychic at that; never bought that cub reporter bit, can tell you that.
(she is stroking his hand)
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Are you this responsive with the guys.....you know, you go out with?
ANIMA
Whoa, I get it: those girls at the bar and that bartender.....you thought I was a.......figures; I just walked in with them, that's all.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
(he is suddenly put in mind of their encounter at the Museum banquet)
You're not...., ok. WHat do you do......were you at the Museum yesterday by any chance??
ANIMA
Yes, there most days, I'm an Assistant Curator there, alternate with friend of mine, Jane Hathaway, why?
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Didn't we interact?
ANIMA
Jesus, was that you? Heard about it, some guy raising hell, blah, blah, blah, had a headache, sent Jane out.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Afraid I was a little off the wall, just got tired of the secrecy, all the artsy hiding from the public-----felt I was losing touch with my sensibilities. Just felt like I wanted to kill all that crap off, I guess.
ANIMA
Interesting, because that's why I wanted you to come here. I'm afraid you will have to go.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
What about the reception? Did I do or say something to upset you?
ANIMA
We both know the answer to that, you're at it: look, you said it yourself, moment ago, it's either you or me, and I vote for me.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
How would you 'go' anyway, it's your place, your name on the mailbox.....wait a minute, where do I live?
ANIMA
Not here anymore, I'm afraid; look, it's just time, that's all.
LIONEL WADSWORTH
Actually, I'm rather relieved, don't really like myself lately, maybe I never did. Mind if I leave quietly, don't want any more excitement....
ANIMA
Sure, your way.
Lionel gets up, smiles sadly, goes to the balcony and effortlessly hops over the rail. There is only silence outside, no scream, nothing.
CUT TO:
INT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY - AFTERNOON
It is the next day, Saturday; Alana James is busy receiving the guests in honor of her work.
ALANA JAMES
Welcome, all; so glad you could make it. After the tour, I'll be on hand to answer any questions I can about the exhibition.
(she walks over to a beaming Jane H.)
JANE HATHAWAY
Well, someone's like a new person; what's in the coffee?
ALANA JAMES
And how, feel like I shed some old wet clothes; say, really sorry about yesterday, was way out of line, just so despondent, felt weighed down, you know?
JANE HATHAWAY
Don't be silly; Mr. O'Malley and I and everyone knew it was not you, so we played along. Actually kind of fun, although you look much better in that lovely gown.
(they laugh amiably)
Although, you really did lose it near the self-portrait, the one with the......
(cut off)
ALANA JAMES
Giant Squid! As in Id; it was that painting that put me in the funk, knew there was a predatory blob in my psyche, very depressing. When you gave me that tranquilizer, I knew what I had to do.......
MR. O'MALLEY
Ladies, they're asking for you; have lots of questions about one painting in particular.......
ALANA JAMES
Right, think I can handle it this time, now that I've been liberated!
FADE OUT.

INT. TV NETWORK HQ OFFICES-AFTERNOON
We see full-screen TV promo for new gotcha 'reality' program concept, 'Clown Shoes for Clay Feet.'
A GRAINY HIGH-CAMP DIG SITE IN SEPIA TONE, JANE CHALMERS, TV HOSTESS WEARING PITH HELMET, ETC. KNEELING AT A DEEP FIND
V.O. NARRATOR
After so many fitful starts, and startling fits, Chalmers trembled noticeably at the extremities she knew as her hands: could it be the Grail-like storied prize of legend, coveted for ages by costume archaeologists and foot-fetishists alike, now, lovingly cradled in those self-same quaking members? Was it that mythical artifact of universal amusement, the incipient adornment of ancient jest, the original pedus hilariosus....only whispered of since the time of Oppolodorus of Sparta, the inventor of the sandal....and THE CLOWN SHOE!
Audible gasp of glee as she uncovers it, showing it to the camera.
Tune in every Wednesday night at 9 and find out just who will be found wearing them------ don't clown around, check your local listings & be there!
CAMERA PULLS BACK ONTO CONTROL ROOM OF NETWORK
JANE'S ASSISTANT

Killer, really.
JANE CHALMERS
Yeah, but just who dies......we'll see....
(forced smile)
We all set with our footwear people?
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Looks good; Genitore called personally about dinner this weekend.
JANE CHALMERS
(rolling eyes)
Why can't Sean Connery call me; he'd have understood....'The things I do for England.'
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Speaking of which, BBC's looking at cloning us already---on buzz alone.
JANE CHALMERS

Good, hey Variety's already made me a 'Clown Princess'--- figures the Brits'll call us the new Monty Python.
JANE'S ASSISTANT
That works, 'Flying Circus', clown sh.....gee, wonder if they give knighthoods to women?
JANE CHALMERS
Shoes, circus, yes.....let's just make sure I don't end up wearing them, hmm? And, as for that royal garter, I flunked curtsying at charm school.
(gets up to leave)
Gotta go pray to the footwear deity, anything else?
They walk together to the hallway.
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Don't forget your clay treatment pedicure in half an hour.
JANE CHALMERS
Yes, but first my Achilles Heel of a sponsor needs attention.
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Always thought that was a terrific brand name for a line of fashion women's shoes.
JANE CHALMERS
Just don't give our little man/child any ideas; I'm certain his ancestors were behind Chinese foot-binding as a fashion statement.
She and Jane part at the elevator laughing.
CUT TO:
EXT. BRIGHTLY OVERLIT OFFWORLD ENVIRONS-PERMANENT DAY
We are witnessing a hazy ethereal nondescript Olympus-like setting where the leitmotif is some kind of eternally lighted netherworld, outside time/space/matter; we only visually see Mr. Machina; this is no Hollywood 'Heaven', a la Capra......a sense of wry humor pervades, more akin to Alfred North Whitehead's 'throbs of experience' Central dispatch than anything material.
O.S. ONE
(disembodied stentorian voice)
I have need of that pushy liminal one.....
D.X. MACHINA
Yes, oh powerful One....er, did you not mean 'luminous'?

O.S. ONE
(rhetorically)
How can a mistake like this
CAMERA ZOOMS ONTO D.X. MACHINA...
Any mistake.....happen at this Level of Being?!----look it up---- 'threshhold in space'.
And....have Him take his dice, along with his aide, what's the name?
D.X. MACHINA
Archie Tipes, your Oneness, afraid that one's providing ambience at a Jungian seminar.
O.S. ONE
Very well, inform my 'shyster in residence' that this time it's HIS name being vainly tossed around.
(laughing controllably)
D.X. MACHINA
'Pride before the fall, eh....'
O.S. ONE
It's never that simple with these little gods in embryo, I'm afraid...anyway, not involved in such tribal political matters, period: just in the energizing business----going back to Bliss, no calls.
FADE OUT, LITERALLY.
INT. PLUSH HALL-LIKE OFFICE OF PHILLIP INGRATA GENITORE-AFTERNOON
He is meeting with his staff about the flak he's getting about his sweatshops in Asia.

P.I.GENITORE
(interrupting)
Look....we're getting jack-hammered with this
(squinting at a newspaper)
'blood, sweat and tears', they're calling it, every day this week-----these same flakes I see on our gratuity junkets are all of a sudden 'reporters', serious journalists? I need reliable American self-indulgence and a hit show for misdirection, like now!
ADVERTISING V.P.
Kevorkian was right--- 'meretricious', every one of them.
P.I.GENITORE
Who? Merit-what?
ADVERTISING V.P.
Whores.......you know, Dr. Death...
P.I.GENITORE
Keep it clean, we're talking about my image here!
Jesus......
ADVERTISING V.P.

Sir, we've got you covered
(cues computer slides)
As you can see, we envision cross-branding deals like this one with Hermes of Paris
SHOT OF PRO-GENITORE WINGED SHOE IN PARIS WINDOW DISPLAY.
Now.....
P.I.GENITORE
Has legal looked at this, I do not require new grief....
ADVERTISING V.P.
Done; matter of fact, they tell me we can dodge this Asian thing, maybe even get a 'Hand Made in Italy' tag thrown in thanks to a loophole in the GATT treaty, as long as the tongue of the shoes is added by Italian EU workers.
P.I.GENITORE
That's more like it, with what I pay for legal knitting....
(smirking)
what about the sole instead, you know, 'the all-terrain footwear with the Italian sole'. We'll keep the tongue thing for the ladies model.
(self-amused)
His phone intercom buzzes; it is Jane Chalmers, he picks up, motioning the staff out.
P.I.GENITORE (cont'd)
Jane, the show buzz is deafening, sounds like a home run, according to Variety....let's,uh, discuss it this weekend.
CUT TO:
EXT. HERMES BOUTIQUE PARIS-DAY
Two 'Waiting for Godot' type hoboes are loitering in their usual spot outside the haute couture venue like they used to own it; they wear once fashionable attire, ,now obviously down on their luck frayed but dignified; decked out after ancient Tarot 'O.IDIOT' symbology.

FIRST HOBO
You know the boulangerie on Rue Danton?
SECOND HOBO
Looking wearily up from his days old paper, the smaller, dimmer one.
Yes, what of it?
FIRST HOBO
Just this: no more day old croissants for you!
SECOND HOBO
Mierde! What did you do this time, make some remark about her tits?!
FIRST HOBO
Id-iot! Sold out to Cafe Americain!
Wiping angry tears with soiled Hermes scarf.
SHOT: HERMES LOGO CLEARLY IN VIEW AS HE DOES SO.
SECOND HOBO
Oh, woe, so.....Kennedy was right, then, the Pax Americana, imposed wily/nily upon the once varietal world.....why do we wait for another catastrophe......
His hand sweeps toward display window of shop.
'Fashion sneakers', is that next, in this very window?
FIRST HOBO
(amazed at insight)
You've been reading again, sorry I taught you; and....and, what do you get......but de-pressed, no?

SECOND HOBO
What about.....our Bread, we cannot live by hope alone.
(breathless)
FIRST HOBO
Take a deep breath, will you, good for the soul....I think....I hear the cafe around the corner is adding free croissant samples so as to compete, you see.
SECOND HOBO
Perhaps it is French owned.....
(slowly smiling)
Maybe we wait a bit longer.
FIRST HOBO
There, you see....she say that I remind her of a good/bad.....
(pensive)
Or was it bad/good....card, in her Tarot deck!
SECOND HOBO
Oh, glorious news, a guardian witch, and you are her Joker! Are you sure you're the smart one?
FIRST HOBO
(another insight, panic)
Pshaw! I am a modern man, perhaps even post-modern....
(seeks to impress)
Mathematics, you see, the more bad, the sooner one gets to the good.

SECOND HOBO
Perhaps, we wait a bit longer, then.
(sighs)
CUT TO:




INT. BEDROOM OF P.G.; FEMALE COMPANION SLEEPS-NIGHT
P.G. thinks he is asleep, but is not sure, perhaps it is a 'waking dream'....before him is a holographic image, moving freely, addressing him...

P.I.GENITORE
Who the.....what the Hell?!
HERME MERCURE
Why, I am your new partner.
The hologram is very clear, though transparent.
P.I.GENITORE
(looking @ sleeping woman)
This is a dream.....
HERME MERCURE
Hardly....oh, Her, took a sleeping pill, on top of some sort of stimulant, naughty girl.
(smiles)
P.I.GENITORE
How did you.....
HERME MERCURE
Misseur, I did not get to be who I am being unobservant----shall we to business?
They have moved to a spacious balcony, overlooking a brilliant cityscape; P.G. is still flummoxed by the evasion of H.M., putting 'him' down to a hangover remnant, and the lure of business, as usual...
P.I.GENITORE
Just what is it you do for me?
HERME MERCURE
Why, my dear fellow, I'll have you know some of my peers in the Fortune 500----some would say B.C., of course, as I am quite your senior
(smirking)
call me the patron saint of Commerce itself!
(he knowingly laughs mutedly)
P.I.GENITORE
You're French; what have you done that I should be of any interest to me and my firm?
HERME MERCURE
Pointing to P.G.'s closet and his own tie.
Is it not true that clothes make the man, just as....you make the firm, oui?

P.I.GENITORE
Excellent, we have the same taste.
HERME MERCURE
My dear fellow, we perhaps may complement each other's desires.
P.I.GENITORE
Co-branding.....but, how did you......of course, you initiated the upscale deal, right?!
HERME MERCURE
In a manner of speaking, yes.
(smiling Sphinx like)
The newspapers, you know, how can they understand us, forces majeur, eh......let us say that certain, how you say 'backers',forces in their own right... felt it to be a...strategic move, mmm? And, this 'branding'----something one does to mere cattle, yes: had it up to here with such beasts in my youth, you see.....
(inside joker's smirk)
I prefer cross pollination; shall we say 10 am, next Monday, your office?
P.I.GENITORE
(startled)
Well, I've got a .....sure, yes, Hades
(pause)
Hell, yes.
HERME MERCURE
Bon----I see you know your myths; by the way, you remind me---old age, eh---I'll be there in the flesh----this hi-tech way of travelling, while amusing, can be troublesome when it comes to signing documents, yes?
P.I.GENITORE
You know what, come up to my weekend place on Sunday, more pleasant, less hectic, I insist.
(egotistically)
Hey, how can I get ahold of, you know, this high tech device of yours?
HERME MERCURE
(index finger to mouth)
Not so easy........sometimes I feel it has taken me ages to build my, how do you say, network, you know, friends in high places. Not to worry: I know the head man, a Mr. Deus Machina, a master technician. Until Sunday.......I do so appreciate Nature's idylls, reminiscent of Arcadia.
P.I.GENITORE
(pauses at strange name)
Oh, yes, Canada, lovely.
HERME MERCURE
(seeks misdirection)
Yes, of course.....Canada, surely, home of your 'Cajuns', interesting cuisine.
FADE TO VERY BRIGHT LIGHT:
INT. LIVE STUDIO AT NETWORK-EVENING
It is the premiere of 'Clown Shoes for Clay Feet', Jane's reality program; it is near the end, at the 'awards' segment. The band begins playing her theme music, Sondheim's 'Bring in the Clowns...'
JANE CHALMERS
It's our 'Moment of Truth', ladies and gentlemen, where you help us select the not-so-proud wearer of the Clown Shoes and, as you know, we have included a sample of viewers selected randomly to chime in via email as well; so, let's see our three finalists, by previous audience vote, one more time.....
SHOTS: VIDEOS FEEL TO FOOTAGE FOR VERISIMILITUDE EFFECT.
The first video vignette is of Mr. Swanson Squirdling, at a graduation ceremony.
V.O. NARRATOR
'Now, having finally completed his unlikely matriculation, the feckless Mr. Squirdling humbly holds in his pudgy hand the degree he has, against all odds, secured after much hard work and travail; his usually puffed-out breast can scarcely contain his pride at having graduated with the top honors bestowed by the school known as magna cum largo---we kid you not-----bestowed by the school, he's shown here in footage submitted by his own family in graduate attire at the Wichita Women's Technical School as its first male graduate...... in bra design and construction!'
(applause)
JANE CHALMERS
Poor Swanson, looks like there's a mammogram or two in his future; next one, please.
Shown is a certain Spike Buxxum judging a beauty contest.
V.O. NARRATOR
'Insalubrious as was the moment to his reputation, Mr. Buxxum----his real name folks, we checked----was so enthralled by the failure of the chesty young woman's gown to contain her mammary endowment, he deftly undertook to fondle both entrants in HIS brain's 'best breast' contest, inattentive to the embarrassingly material proposition that he had been summoned as a last minute substitute judge in the regional transgender 'Miz-ter America' contest!'
(applause)
JANE CHALMERS
As you all know, all candidates have agreed to these viewings, so all you lawyers putting on your winged shoes, made by Genitore, of course, with the heat-seeking plaintiff detector attachment, also available from another sponsor, can just, oh, think about..... baseball!
(knowing laughter at sexual innuendo)
Hey, the magic of TV, your 15 seconds of shame, sponsors and present company of course excluded; final vignette---- just look it up-----please!
When we return, the results!
V.O. NARRATOR
The distinguished University academic committee charged with putting on this year's Symposium had been meticulous in its efforts to maintain all the trappings of the ancient Greek discussion format, down to the very last detail.
"Well, I'll tell you this, a bunch of grown men, professors at that, parading around half-dressed, drunk as skunks-----not to mention the morals charges we intend to bring on the complaint of several young boys------we had no choice" asserted police chief Durward Quirkman to the assembled TV cameras.
At the preliminary hearing held later that month, the defense counsel stoutly held forth that his clients had done nothing more than Plato himself might have done in the name of the original Academy.
"Well, Mr. Schmoozewad", replied the judge, "I will tell you this, once we catch up with this Mr.Plato he'll be facing the same charges as your clients!"
(applause)
JANE CHALMERS
Folks, not touching that one, literally, too touchy, feely; anyway, it's definitely Greek to us! Back with the winner in a jiffy!
FADE TO BLACK.










EXT. ASIAN SWEAT SHOP BRIGHT STEAMY DAY
SHOT: OF AERIAL ZOOM/ OBVIOUSLY HAPHAZARDLY CLEARED NEAR-JUNGLE SITE, WITH METROPOLIS TOWERS---E.G., BANGKOK---JUST VISIBLE OVER TREETOPS......FOCUS UPON CORPORATE NAME/LOGO ON AND IN BUILDING: 'WINGED FOOT ENTERPRISES OF THAILAND, LTD.', SHOWING LOGO AS BLURRED MOTION PICTURE OF MERCURY....
A photographer has left his crew truck on a wooded hilltop, having been wired up with concealed cameras and outfitted with phony middleman credentials; he is seen entering the factory, with no problems.
CUT TO:
VARIETY HEADLINE: 'CLOWN PRINCESS & HER AMERICAN CIRCUS FLYING HIGH, GIVES NOT SO JOLLY BOOT TO COMPETITION'
Jane is the new Johnny, America's sweetheart; new advertisers have deluged her office, most persistent has been the Hermes representative, a charming Frenchman, who seems to effortlessly glide across the floor rather than walk. They meet for lunch.
HERME MERCURE
Enchante, my dear, so good of you to come.
JANE CHALMERS
It seems you have charmed my assistant; anything to do with her Achilles Heels idea?
HERME MERCURE
(falsely modest)
Shall we simply call it a 'trade secret', yes?
JANE CHALMERS
I prefer 'magic'......as in trick.
(smiles demurely)
In any event, it seems to have worked, here I am.
HERME MERCURE
Yes, yes......here we are; I see why it is that the world is now in love with you, such aplomb, such wit.
'He' is on his turf, having arranged the luncheon down to the most impressive detail, even knowing here favorite cocktail, color, etc.
JANE CHALMERS
I didn't order this......
HERME MERCURE
I did; is it to your liking?
JANE CHALMERS
(taken back)
Well, yes, but....
HERME MERCURE
Please, indulge an old fool who fancies himself a gentleman. Permit me to fulfill my....task, on behalf of my....superiors, so to say; we....they....are prepared to offer you carte blanche in exchange for primary sponsorship of your wonderful program. They appreciate its leitmotif, you see, more than you can know.
JANE CHALMERS
I appreciate the kind words, but exactly whom do you represent?
HERME MERCURE
There, you see, they have particular affinity for such a nicety as 'whom', especially in view of the difficulty of English.........
(cut off)
JANE CHALMERS
Then you won't mind my repeating it: just for 'whom' ....do you work, Misseur Mercure, did I pronounce it correctly?
HERME MERCURE
But, of course, like the ancient god of Commerce, Mercury.
JANE CHALMERS
See him all the time at Grand Central.......wings on his feet, striking, although a little light in the wardrobe.
HERME MERCURE
Most amusing, I'm sure, which brings us to my employers, whose speciality is in out-fitting the human form with all necessary...... accoutrement.
JANE CHALMERS
You're in clothing then.
HERME MERCURE
As I said, all which may be truly needed by man.
JANE CHALMERS
Or woman.
HERME MERCURE
Certainmonte.
JANE CHALMERS
And all I have to do is wear these......accoutrement, oui?
HERME MERCURE
Do I surprise you by responding that that is entirely up to you; this is not of concern to.....these mark-ed forces.
JANE CHALMERS
Please, I'm all ears; tell me more.
HERME MERCURE
As you wish..........
FADE TO BRIGHT WHITE:
INT. SMALL SQUALID CAFE PARIS-MORNING
Our two hoboes are breakfasting on stale croissant.
FIRST HOBO
Not bad, yes?
SECOND HOBO
Compared to what........the butter is spoiled, and the cafe....
(cut off)
FIRST HOBO
Ingrate! Stupide! This is a gift from above, do you not see it? You have feathers in your tousled hair, encyribe!
SECOND HOBO
'Him' again....I am tired of waiting....and what do you expect, the pigeons shed them like the serpent his skin.
(he picks them from head)
They go outside to the damp cobblestone street.
CUT TO:

EXT. COBBLESTONE STREET OUTSIDE CAFE-MORNING
FIRST HOBO
Things are about to change, I can sense it.
SECOND HOBO
I'm too weary to rely on my senses; you wish to be sensible, our clothes are more ragged by the day, and my shoes.......
FIRST HOBO
'Clothes make the man', is that it! Easy for Maupassant, he had money......
SECOND HOBO
We should wait for him, then......
FIRST HOBO
Idi-ot! Guy is long gone.....I tell you there's something in the air.....
SECOND HOBO
Yes, your body odor........or maybe the rotting corpse of this writer; let's get his clothes!
FIRST HOBO
(eyes rolling)
Why do I bother.......
(looking skyward, palms up)
A pair of new shoes and some clothes fall from the sky.
UNSEEN BY THE TWO GENIUSES AN ANGRY SPOUSE FIGHTS WITH HER HUSBAND, THROWING HIS CLOTHES OUT A 3RD FLOOR WINDOW.
SECOND HOBO
(falls to his knees)
It's Him!, He heard us........
FIRST HOBO
Ha! Who, your dead writer, NO! My faith has been rewarded, you see.....
(cut off)
SECOND HOBO
(kissing foot of first hobo)
Forgive me.....
FIRST HOBO
Body odor!
SECOND HOBO
I am a guilty dog, barking first.
FIRST HOBO
A dog is loyal........
SECOND HOBO
Look, there's enough for us both.
FIRST HOBO
You see, good thing I am strong for us both.
SECOND HOBO
Your were right......we will wait as long as it takes.
FIRST HOBO
That's much better.
(hits him on head with shoe)
CUT TO TWO WEEKS LATER:
INT. PLUSH HALL LIKE OFFICE OF P.I. GENITORE-DAY
His personal assistant is on the phone with him in his limo; he is furious.
PIG'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT
I'm sure its's all a huge misunderstanding.......
P.I.GENITORE
Misunderstanding....to the tune of $2Billion US; we had a deal with these guys, they approached us!
NEWSPAPER HEADLINE: 'HERMES OF PARIS BRINGS WTO COMPLAINT VS. GENITORE'S WINGED FOOT WARE GROUP; BRAND INFRINGEMENT, ETC. ALLEGED'
P.I.GENITORE (cont'd)
Any luck with Jane-----I can't get through on her private line?
PIG'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT
No go; say she's been told by the network lawyers......
(cut off)
P.I.GENITORE
Reminds me.....what the Hell do our counsel say, can't reach them.
PIG'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT
Well, it seems your crack team upstairs can't, well, seem to locate those dox you say you inked with Mr........
P.I.GENITORE
I SAY.....whose side are you on?
PIG'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT
What do you want me to tell the press, they're all over me?
P.I.GENITORE
I'll handle that personally.....headed to the photo lab right now---I've got this clown on hidden video, from my apartment that night, and then Sunday, at my place in the country. They're gonna be consuming some heavy crow on the newly cut-rate executive dining room menu at some formerly reputable papers when I'm through, as in defamation.
PIG'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT
I'm sure that the truth will out; besides, don't see that as a possibility.
She hangs up, knowing somehow that he didn't get that last put down.
.
CUT TO NEXT DAY:
INT. PHOTO PROCESSING LAB-DAY
TECHNICIAN, LONG HAIRED WITH GREENPEACE/EARTH DAY PARAPHERNALIA IN BACKGROUND IS PLAYING/COPYING VIDEO SHOWING 'P.I.G.' IN BED WITH MISTRESS, AND NO MERCURE; COURIERS IT OVER TO NETWORK OFFICES OF JANE C.
CUT TO:
INT. NETWORK STUDIOS-EVENING
Jane is introducing a new gotcha installment; she is at the height of her power, making her a convenient target of the usual suspects.
JANE CHALMERS
Ladies & gentlemen, tonight we're going to shift gears somewhat----you know we like to keep you guessing and, well, I think we've proven lately conclusively fact does trump fiction just about every time! Tonight, our theme is fickle Fate, in the corporate boardroom, or should I say, bedroom: is that redundant?
(knowing laughter)

----let's join our bedfellows, in that lofty space where you'll find more than invisible mythic forces at......work? ....and, men, this one fits the bill in the 'strange' category----let's watch!, courtesy of our guest's own mini-cam, I think his companies actually make them, somewhere in Asia.....
P.I.G. IS SEEN CAVORTING WITH HIS MISTRESS; SHE'S INHALING A WHITE POWDER, HE'S SHOWING HIS DERRIERE, MOVING TO TECHNO MUSIC.
JANE CHALMERS (cont'd)
Now, instead of our usual competition, where you are the judges, we showed this yesterday to a randomly chosen focus panel and they---you---this one gets the Clown Shoes, pants down!
Canned applause, laughter.
JANE CHALMERS (cont'd)
And remember, all you clowns waiting out there, don't bother to hide-----like the song says, you're already here! Next week, it's back to our cut-throat competition, between our more serious clowns like tonight's!
CUT TO THREE WEEKS LATER:
MONTAGE OF EXPOSE FOOTAGE OF GENITORE'S SWEAT SHOP PRACTICES; HEADLINES: 'GENITORE FOUND DEAD--FOUL PLAY NOT EXCLUDED'.
EXT. BRIGHTLY OVERLIT DEMIMONDE-PERMANENT DAY

The ante is up---Earth's voyeuristic realm 'beyond' in time/space is obsessively armed with cameras, seen and unseen; feeding a spiraling frenzy to clone---and dethrone--- Jane's seeming success; every network has ripped off and attacked CS4CF as vicious, even phoney, enlisting the Church into the 'bargain'; Misseur Mercure has been summoned......
O.S. ONE
So, just what words on the high-energy messages floating around here saying "No lawyer's tricks allowed, period!" didn't you get?
HERME MERCURE
(sarcastically)
You forget your sobriquet for me,..... 'shyster in residence'?
O.S. ONE
Sarcasm won't cut it----my chief attribute is infinite patience, along with the privilege of apparent contradictions.
HERME MERCURE
Right....good, made my rep with misdirection, the old impetinata, like in fencing, a little artful feint, for the electronic public.
(mimes the moves)
O.S. ONE
TV , artful, never happen? Besides, art's another force for another..... Skywalker.
(self-amused)
HERME MERCURE
Well, no of course not... hey, don't shoot the messenger, right......just file broadcasting under my Commerce hat.
O.S. ONE
So, what do we do about this mess......
MEGA SCREEN OF PRIVACY LAWSUITS, RELATED CHAOS MELANGE.
O.S. ONE (cont'd)
We have to watch this you know....it seems, eternally.
HERME MERCURE
(mimes HAL 9000 voice)
There's really no question about it, this sort of thing has cropped up before, and it has always been due to mortal error, pretty much owing to your hybrid experiment....D.X.....I mean, where's the subtlety-----no, I'm the trickster and, what do we do-----insert the Deus ex machina ----please, just an excuse for a weak plot structure, I mean, even the material critics are on to that one, it's an idea whose time has....left, thankfully.
O.S. ONE
Look, what's done can be undone, strict cause and effect went out with Einstein----not that they understand it, or him....
HERME MERCURE
The no socks thing did not help....
O.S. ONE
Don't interrupt, I'm energizing; look,
we've crossed a threshhold here, big one, that's your turf----- 'liminal space', right?----what with humans and their toys------should have gone easy on the inspiration, you know, the quantum mechanics----next thing you know, the little toolmakers are lousy with cell phone, faxes, email, minicameras----Bingo, instead of a new golden age of healthy, learn-ed poets, I get road rage.
HERME MERCURE
Tell me about it----okay, Caesar crosses the Rubicon, no problem, I'm on it----but, this! Shoulda talked him out of it, before Empire, Legions, heavy duty footwear, orgies.......strike that last one...
O.S. ONE
Take a deep breath....I'll grant you, some of it even looks like fun.
(both snicker)
O.S. ONE (cont'd)
Enough, already; suggestions, and inspire me, okay? What about something like this trick?
(he invokes instant image)
A FLOATING HUGE HOLOGRAPHIC DEPICTION OF OLD FILM OF KIRK DOUGLAS AS ULYSSES OUTWITTING CIRCE WITH HERMES' HELP.

HERME MERCURE
These clowns don't even think we exist: 'I don't see it, therefore I resist'; besides, they've seen the movie; I suppose DNA manipulation's off the table........
O.S. ONE
Been there, can a worms; no, fashion, trends, styles, gotta be soft touch, free will, that sorta thing.
HERME MERCURE
(pensive)
Please, don't involve us in that tribal stuff......so Hollywoodized, we're intelligent subatomic forces, throbs of experience, process, not mat.....I've got it! No worries, Chief.....synchronicity!
O.S. ONE
What, Jung?
HERME MERCURE
(nodding)
Yes, 'there are no accidents, only things we misunderstand until later, looking back', they understand that, same thing.
O.S. ONE
These clowns are mostly Freudians, telling you, what with Jung going public on our UFOs, bad for the truth all around, they're just not sufficiently evolved.
HERME MERCURE
Then it's time for a quantum leap: all the world loves a clown.
O.S. ONE
Isn't that the problem----clown overpopulation?! Please.
HERME MERCURE
Chief....no offense....
O.S. ONE
None taken.
HERME MERCURE
That's just it! It's only effective---they call it 'funny', when everyone's got those shoes on----- 'Gotcha' suddenly evolves into a sizeable 'closet clown'.....coming out party, en masse!
O.S. ONE
Volunteer your clownness, humility----I like it.
Hermes prepares to leave.
O.S. ONE (cont'd)
One more thing......get a good copyright lawyer on this----could be very profitable.
HERME MERCURE
What about those electronic rules?
O.S. ONE
What, a lawyer protecting clowns' right rights: perfectly in tune with the Natural, the purest instinct----simple self- preservation.
CUT TO NEXT DAY:
EXT. HERMES BOUTIQUE PARIS-DAY
Our two Bohemians are loitering as usual, enjoying their new togs; a stranger approaches conspicuously.
FREDDY MERCURY
(American accent)
Gentlemen, gentlemen......
They reflexively look around, habitually ignoring themselves as the possible objects of his interest.
FREDDY MERCURY (cont'd)
No, no, you, yes!
FIRST HOBO


You are addressing us, Sir.......?
FREDDY MERCURY
Mercury, Frederick, Esquire, at your service.
SECOND HOBO
(indignant)
Hey, that's usually our line.
FREDDY MERCURY
Of course.......you must be wondering just what all this badinage is concerning, am I right?
FIRST HOBO
We haven't yet gotten to what could fairly be termed badinage; more like persiflage, correct, my friend?
(pokes second hobo in ribs)
SECOND HOBO
Ouch, careful, my injury.
FIRST HOBO
Fool, you were struck on the head!
SECOND HOBO
(rubs head on cue)
FREDDY MERCURY
You are buskers, yes; is this your usual act, very amusing, I must say, I've heard of you two.
SECOND HOBO
(defensive reflexively)
Well, we haven't really been ourselves....since the war......
FIRST HOBO
What war?
SECOND HOBO
Indo China..........remember, we were disqualified by the Foreign Legion.
FREDDY MERCURY
Don't they accept everyone?
SECOND HOBO
See what I mean, very depressing really.
Mercury is beside himself at his prescience; they will be perfect.
FREDDY MERCURY
Fellows......, so sorry, we have yet to be formally introduced.
SECOND HOBO

Yes, how do we know you're not from the Legion.......
FIRST HOBO

What are you talking about!
SECOND HOBO

Can't be too careful, that's all, they might have sent him for their...boots.
FIRST HOBO
(rolls eyes)
What boots!? We didn't join, idi-ot!
SECOND HOBO
Then where did we get the boots he's seeking?
FIRST HOBO
And just how do we know he even works for them, to recover the boo
(explodes)
Arghhh! Now you have got me doing it.......
(turns to stranger)
You were saying, kind sir?
(smacks partner)

FREDDY MERCURY
Quite right: my card.
(hands each one)
FIRST HOBO
Intaglio print, rather nice.
SECOND HOBO
Raised lettering too; we had such printing, remember, Jocko, when we were blind......
(first hobo stomps foot)
FREDDY MERCURY
I have a proposition: how would you like to be on television?
SECOND HOBO
Is it the sort they have in shops.......we don't show up very well, poor quality you see; remember that gendarme insisting it was us?
FIRST HOBO
That case was thrown out, buffoon!
SECOND HOBO
My point exactly, very poor imagery, I looked haggard, and fat. Ha! Would that I betrayed even a slight paunch, much less f.....
(smacked)
FIRST HOBO
Misseur, my friend, he is not well.....
(glaring)
FREDDY MERCURY
My friends, where are my manners.....shall we repair to a convenient boulangerie for some repaste while we discuss.....
SECOND HOBO
Your....proposition.
(smirks at partner)
SECOND HOBO (cont'd)
You see, I am a proper man of affairs.
He rubs his forefinger and thumb together as if unseen by Mercury.
FIRST HOBO
(under his breath)
May the force be with us.....
CUT TO NEXT DAY:
INT. TV NETWORK HQ OFFICES-AFTERNOON
Jane's assistant has been told no appointments; she is hunkered down, confused and beseiged. The papers have turnned on her, and the niche she created.
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Um....Jane......the gentleman has been waiting for.....
JANE CHALMERS
Who? I'm afraid I don't know any, not certain I ever met one.
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Mr. Mercure......
JANE CHALMERS
Well, do show him in; surprised he's willing to be seen in my company.
He is shown in, all floating and with a strange aura.
HERME MERCURE
Jane, I heard the news and had to come, much like it, the disappointing news.
JANE CHALMERS
Looks like you bet on a one trick pony, Herme....and, what do you mean, this was inevitable?
(he kisses her hand)
HERME MERCURE
Patience, child, seen it all before----I believe you call it a 'witch hunt'; I wish to convey.....
(cut off)
JANE CHALMERS
Your sympathies?
HERME MERCURE
Certainly not; no, I have a proposition.
JANE CHALMERS
I'm afraid that window's closed, unless you're on a first name basis with say, some major wizardry, preferably with a magic wand.....
HERME MERCURE
(under his breath)
Funny you should mention this.....

I'm not exactly an alchemist, but I do know that your troubles are merely temporary; what if I were to tell you that the best strategy at this moment is that timeless remedy: laughter in the face of the unknown.
JANE CHALMERS
From what I hear, that's all I hear----at me, this thing we birthed, and you want me to whistle past my own graveyard.
HERME MERCURE
A very old wise man once told me: 'Your defeat can be your victory'.
JANE CHALMERS
Aside from their usual aversion to wisdom by definition, why don't the critics seem to have heard that one.
HERME MERCURE
Critics, ach! Empty heads following something as intangible as the wind; you must now be the clown you have sought to expose in others.
JANE CHALMERS
That cliche is 'laugh and the world laughs WITH you', correct?
HERME MERCURE
Just so; I have two associates I wish to have you meet, may I bring them in?
JANE CHALMERS
What are you up to, Herme?
HERME MERCURE
Make that 'up', as in the direction of your fortunes, and 'two', as in Messrs. Jocko and Jules.
The two hoboes waltz in, attired in new clothes, and on their feet, enormous clown shoes, impossible to miss. They bound into their Alphonse & Gastone routine.
JOCKO
Enchante, madam; I shall be your champion.
(he bows, rising with a newly stuck clown nose)
JULES
Your most humble servant, my queen!
(he trips over Jocko's shoes)
JANE CHALMERS
To what do I owe your allegiance?
(laughing at their vaudeville ways)
HERME MERCURE
Jane, what if your subjects---millions of them--- couldn't resist laughing at themselves, the things they share in common?
JANE CHALMERS
(skeptical)
Alright, Mr. Wizard, let's start with politicians, shall we?
HERME MERCURE
Touche! But, you see, you have forgotten to let the 'second clown shoe' of your premise drop. Allow me to recall your fascinating American history: a wonderful human being, name of Dan Rice----and close personal friend of Lincoln----a clown of great renown, created the Uncle Sam imagery that still stirs any crowd to their common bond----he inspired the phrase 'get on the bandwagon'! Wherever his circus went, local pols clamored to ride atop it, hoping his popularity----a simple clown---would accrue to their benefit.

JANE CHALMERS
Clay feet on parade, eh?........you're not....from around here, I mean this 'time', are you.
HERME MERCURE
(ignoring her probe)
And, what makes such a person, seated next to a clown successful, a true man of the people?
JANE CHALMERS
'Hi, folks, um one of you'.
HERME MERCURE
Exactamonte. And who stands out after humility has taken its irresistible human toll but the fraudster, donning the egomaniac's mask.
JOCKO
Pardone, Madam, my associate and I are, how you say, very gay.
JANE CHALMERS
All to the good for a clown.
JULES
What my colleague wishes to convey to you is that he is in love with me, you see.
JOCKO
It is vice versa, I took pity on him, you must.bel....
HERME MERCURE
Boys, boys......does it really matter; come on, empathy, like true clowns.
They reluctantly hug each other, very awkwardly, stepping all over each other's shoes.
HERME MERCURE (cont'd)
Voila!
JULES
We believe that the world is full of clowns, waiting to exit the clos-et, yes.
JOCKO
And, by historical, how you say, 'sininthe- city', we are the universal tramp, like Charlie Chaplin.....
JULES
He means synchronicity.....reads alot, but not so good speller, mm?; the Swiss genius, Jung......one must have the openness of the Fool..the underdog, yes, nothing to lose.....
JOCKO
And why not, there are so very many of us!
JANE CHALMERS
Thanks to the egomaniacs behind the 'normal' masks......Brilliant!
JOCKO
(taken back)
Yes.....we could have been officers in the Legion, you know, busy with other....commitments.....
They are caught up in the euphoria of their new attitude.
JULES
It's lonely at the top, yes!
She sees the light, hugging Herme, then, trying to do so with the boys, barred by their gigantic shoes. She sees that they are irresistible is their admitted bathos.
JANE CHALMERS
Just crying on the inside, dying....to come out!
(into intercom)
Suzie, get the writers in here.
CUT TO:
INT. SMALL SQUALID CAFE PARIS-MORNING
The proprietor is reading Le Monde; on the front page are none other than her two freeloaders, Jocko and Jules, beaming with Jane Chalmers in the middle; the show is on a world tour, "All the World Loves a Clown".
WE SEE HER HITTING PAPER, SCREAMING TO THE BACK ROOM CHEF ABOUT WHAT INGRATE BUMS THEY ARE; HOW MUCH MONEY THEY OWE HER.
CUT TO:
INT. EUROPEAN STUDIOS OF ARGOS TELEVISION -EVENING
Jocko & Jules, the new darlings of the newly humble media airwaves have warmed up the audience with their shtick, all pantomime. Jane comes out wearing clown shoes and a multi-colored nose, and hair. She is subtitled in several languages.
JANE CHALMERS
Welcome, clowns everywhere! You know, we are so impressed by the greeting you the world has given us, and I think I now know why; a great clown once said: 'Man is the only animal on Earth that blushes---or needs to'; you and I, we're also unique, in a more positive way, just like the knowing smiling reaction we all had to his wit, his truth----and it is that same precious yet ignored thing that is universally desired and, yes, needed, as it is part of what we are------laughter at the truth about ourselves, our feet of clay, by which we all enter this world------screaming!
Laughter and applause.
And, instead of the brain's bullying----why shouldn't it act that way, we worship it, using it to do so!-----what if instead of: 'I'm glad that happened to somebody else' we used our intuition, our heart and soul, to say: 'That's happened to me or someone I know'--------because, and you have felt this, something we call miraculous---but only because it's sadly too rare---begins to happen: empathy. Without it, we go too far, we succumb to antipathy. And so, now, we all perhaps understand a bit better just why it is that all the world loves a clown!
More live applause, whistling.
JANE CHALMERS (cont'd)
Okay, now put on your clown faces and empathize------and the world empathizes with you-------you just can't help but laugh with them!



JANE CHALMERS (cont'd)
This first video, sent in by, of all people, the Chief Magistrate of the Hague, tells us, well, that he gets it: too much work and no play makes Jack the judge a dull boy. Roll it, please Jocko & Jules.
They assume mime poses in this and all videos.
V.O. NARRATOR
Jane, this one we call 'A Man of Few Words'.........Now a veritable shell of a man, Hangbender Schmidt was escorted into the starkly modern courtroom of The International Tribunal for the Disposition of Cases of Oblique Crimes Against Humanity, or the catchier 'TITFDCOCAH', his crime: he had created the goosestep......... "Order!" gaveled the Chief Magistrate, "We will hear the charges....." : "Hangbender Schmidt, you are charged with having, by dint of your 'inspiration', at 3:30a.m., Greenwich Mean Time, January 20th, 1934, come up with the style of marching now forever intertwined with the oppressive 'jackboot'.....how do you plead?"; after a pregnant pause, the remnant of an accused, a proud dignified-looking gentleman who was known for his unwavering embrace of principle, struggled to his feet and, in keeping with, and defense of, his passion for anatomical display......flipped off the judge with the international symbol of contempt, a big fat bird."
JANE CHALMERS
Who says language seperates people? Hang in there Hangbender.......brevity is indeed the soul of wit. And, remember, all you clowns , including the Hangbenders out there, while we don't necessarily condone your selfish behavior, if bad taste were a crime, we'd finally be rid of all the lawyers!
Applause, cheering.

We have one more tonight in our quarter finals competition, so be ready to cast your electronic ballots. Jocko, Jules.....
V.O. NARRATOR
This one comes to us from Star City, Russia, the Russian Cape Canaveral, what good sports; Torn between the greater good of peace, at last, between peoples of differing cultural mores and traditions on the one hand, and his selfish concerns about posing as the chained primate in Cosmonaut Grigori Kinski's elaborately feigned appearance of insanity as his ticket home, Astronaut Simpson agreed to play Jimbo the surly monkey in the upcoming television transmission back to Star City, from the confines of an admittedly long past prime Mir, hoping earnestly that when his time came to return his prehensile tail would fit into his spacesuit.
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. U.S. CHAMBER OF COMMERCE BOARD MEETING-NEXT MORNING
The eminence gris of capitalist commerce are specially gathered to ruminate over the 'clown shoes' phenomenon; there are even foreign affiliate representatives, newly infected by consumerism; a special envoy from the Vatican has even been persuaded to attend. People are somehow less frustrated, and gratification spending/consuming less....
CHAIRMAN PAGLIACCI
Gentlemen, and ladies......
(he smiles at his afterthought)
You all know our purpose; pains have been taken to insulate us from the press, so feel free to speak candidly.
CIS RUSSIAN REP. RIZHII
Meester Chairman, thank you for the invitation, on behalf of the Russian Federation; as you know, change has virtually plagued our society, and now you, the high priests of capitalism give us this, this 'thing', urging our people to embrace humility and see each other as equally flawed, without many needs. Is this 'business as usual', as your IMF has promised us?
CHAIRMAN PAGLIACCI
Please, our experts don't expect this to be anything but a passing whim of pseudo-culture; after all, that is the nature of the medium, by design: what is done may be undone. We simply 'need'----now there's the term of the hour...
(his smile returns)
To do a better job of ramping up the blending of want with need; then they unwashed can do what they do best and have done on cue over time----it's a win/win: we win, they think they don't lose!
MONSIGNOR MORTE
May I, distinguished attendees, be recognized?
CHAIRMAN PAGLIACCI
Of course, your eminence.
MONSIGNOR MORTE
Gentlemen.......
Self-conscious, unused to the company of women.
And, um, ladies.......I devoutly wish that this problem were so simple as it may appear, but take heart, as there may be an added reason to redouble your efforts.
(he is handed a dossier)
You see, we have much experience with what can only be describ-ed as 'certain forces', not, I regret, purely of this world. His Holiness' experts in Rome have encouraged me, in the strongest terms possible for... to inform this august gathering that Satanism may be at the root of this....popular fantasm. Sadly, this American woman
(he dons his expensive nez perz)
Is someone of questionable....character; moreover, it appears that she is in company of two, how to be delicate when speaking of....Evil.....street homosexuals.
There is open hub-bub; homophobia, all the worst instincts have been given the most ironic license. The Chair gavels a recess, closetting himself with the Papal envoy, as rehearsed.
CHAIRMAN PAGLIACCI
Your eminence.....
MONSIGNOR MORTE
Please, Francisco.....
(he strangely surveys Pagliacci's body)
CHAIRMAN PAGLIACCI
I feel that we have the....necessary forces, this time, of good, aligned to do what.. 'needs' to be done.
MONSIGNOR MORTE
Please to understand, there is, shall we say, an enlightened regime at large in today's St. Peter's; yet, as you know, since the Sindona matter and its consequent financial losses some years ago,
(cut off)
CHAIRMAN PAGLIACCI
The lawyer at the center of the Vatican bank scandal?
MONSIGNOR MORTE

The same.......we, that is, Rome feels strongly that this sad Chalmers business is, what is the phrase, bad for business, mmm?
(the smile of lucre)
I must confess that, as a man of some....worldly....affairs, even I was alarm-ed on finding that this Ms. Chalmers-----did you know that she is a Jewess?----is a divorcee, having been somewhat intimate with the late Mr. Genitore, a longtime practicing Catholic and great friend of the Church, and, well, during her university days dabbled in Wicca? Indeed, there is some evidence of deep interest in scurrilous Coptic texts concerning.....Lucifer; seems she became enthralled with the notion there that he was an angel of the Lord, his Latin name connoting 'bringer of light'----of course, these texts have been excluded from our Holy Scriptures, such heresy!
An aide of the Chairman summons them to luncheon, tabled with the most influential TV executives, including overseas representatives invited by this clique in the Vatican.
FADE TO BLACK:


EXT. JANE'S PARIS HOTEL CURBSIDE-NIGHT
The (corporate lapdog) media is unleashed, like a pack of dogs...of 'war'. The headlines of the evening papers read...
'REALITY TV......BUT WHOSE REALITY?'
PAPPERAZZI
Meese Shalmer, do you have comment?
(microphone pressed forward)
JANE CHALMERS
Si vous ples.......se encryibe!
BODYGUARD
Make way!
(shoving)
JANE CHALMERS
(to her Asst.)
What the Hell.......gotta be from the industry hacks.....first I'm ruthless, now it's their turn!
Jane makes her way into the Ritz, through the same entrance used by Princess Diana that fateful night.
BODYGUARD
We're clear, Ms. C.
CUT TO MINUTES LATER:
INT. HOTEL SUITE-NIGHT
Jane is suffering a bout of paranoia flashback, especially now that she's in Diana & Dodi's love nest.
JANE CHALMERS
Ray....
(scans his eyes)
You do work for.....me.....
BODYGUARD
No problemo, you know better, especially since New York.
(indignant)
JANE'S ASSISTANT
What's he mean?
BODYGUARD
Punched out my ex when he offered him $100k cash for dirt.
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Dirt, these reporters are mud wrestlers, look at this crap....... 'Was Jane ever interested in Tarzan, or....other Janes, like her favorite assistant?' Jesus, my personal body's guard will punch whoever out, for free!
JANE CHALMERS
Think I know what's up....and who's who; do we know how to reach Mercure?
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Since we're about to enter the paranoia zone, how do we know we can trust him, he seems to appear whenever he's needed, by appointment, yet.
JANE CHALMERS
Don't think he's the enemy; dunno, just have this strong intuition, like he knows which way the wind is going to blow....I trust him, he was onto Genitore way before anyone, including me.
JANE'S ASSISTANT
But you avoided that shoe salesman like the plague.
JANE CHALMERS
Allergic to rats, that doesn't take a.......
(her eyes glaze over)
JANE'S ASSISTANT
Jane, what's wrong?
BODYGUARD
Ms. C.,
(holds earpiece)
Lobby says a young man's on his way up.
JANE CHALMERS
(staring intently at them)
I....knew.......
(snapping out of it)
Young man?
BODYGUARD
ID'd him, name's Harley Quinn, know him?
JANE CHALMERS
From Agatha Christie.
BODYGUARD
Huh?
JANE CHALMERS
Later, show him into the sitting room.
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. SITTING ROOM WITH ARTWORK-NIGHT
'Harley' has arrived, just in time; he and Jane are alone; his voice is the same.
HARLEY QUINN
Surprised to see me?
JANE CHALMERS
I would have been not to see you....although, 'you' aren't....yourself.
HARLEY QUINN
A privilege of......
(pretending to catch himself)
Let's just say that I enjoy some of the best doctors, along with certain other masters, available.
JANE CHALMERS
Is there some way you can get me in , do you suppose........ on Mars, or wherever these miracles are performed!
HARLEY QUINN
Surprisingly easy....and, besides, they're closer than you think.
(he offers her a cigar)
JANE CHALMERS
She reacts to the classic phallic symbol with typical Freudian effect.
Cuban, figures, I understand that Castro's healthcare is world class. Tell me, is his beard fake, like yours?
HARLEY QUINN
Ms. Chalmers, Jane.....an old acquaintance of mine said it best: 'Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar', yes?
JANE CHALMERS
(smiles blushing)
HARLEY QUINN
Permit me to suggest, you seem rather piquant for someone who's been through the......ringer.
JANE CHALMERS
Speaking of ringers, who.....what are you, really?
A LARGE PRINT ON THE WALL, FEATURING NONE OTHER THAN MERCURY AS DEPICTED AT OLYMPIA ON A FAMOUS FRIEZE, AS A VIRILE ADOLESCENT ATHLETIC SPECIMEN; THE FACE IS IDENTICAL.
HARLEY QUINN
Now, would your mountainous man servant have allowed us to be alone if you didn't trust me; no, you are upset, but not with me, and rightly so.
He, of course, has noticed her noticing it; it morphs into an ogre's visage instantly; Jane rubs her eyes and does a double take.
JANE CHALMERS
I suppose it's the eerie sensation of staying in her, Diana's suite, the one she and Dodi used that ni......so maybe you're a double agent, with the, you know, Company, or something, like her driver.
HARLEY QUINN
Yes, I quite understand, I myself have known her, always hunting for happiness, a tortured soul, but, perhaps good has come from such a tragedy.
He seeks to distract her from his 'relationship' with the one time Earth-bound goddess.....

You're far too smart for that sort of spy nonsense, at least as to moi; and as for the cigars, a simple matter of commerce, price-----after all, Castro is a lawyer.
JANE CHALMERS
Before I send for my straightjacket tailors, would you please tell me what the Hell is happeni......
(hand on forehead)
HARLEY QUINN
I'm sorry, my dear; I suppose it is rather off-putting, my.....disguised appearance, but you see, they would have spotted the, well, previous model, you see. Besides, we have bigger fish to.....
(cut off)
JANE CHALMERS
Skewer! I am livid, those bastards think they can jettison me, after what I've done.......
(politely interrupted with a mere gesture)
HARLEY QUINN
Take a deep breath, I appreciate the properties of the air, one must fill the lungs, shall we to the balcony?
JUMP CUT TO:
EXT. SPACIOUS BALCONY-NIGHT
She is now strangely becalmed, refreshed.

That's it; Jane, I'm going to be frank: the time for a paradigm shift is, well, long since overdue, not that time is my metiere; simply put, you're the solution, they're the problem, always have been; rhetoritician friend of mine, Greek if I recall, put it best: 'Why does the status quo have a Latin name?'
(polite laughter, body language)
Poor fellow, poisoned.
JANE CHALMERS
See what I mean------what's the latest formula for 'extreme prejudice'?
HARLEY QUINN
(demonstrates hyperventilation)
Ouummm........
JANE CHALMERS
Now you're my guru, great....these are serious people, the manicured mob, for Christ's sake!
HARLEY QUINN
Please, Jane, don't do anything for that superb emergent entity's sake, quite powerful enough without our 'help', believe me; look, I have a plan, a neat little contretemps, and let me assure you, far from there being a Judas in the wings, you have a very good friend in a very high place.
JANE CHALMERS
(assuming he means 'God')
I knew it, she's Jewish!!
HARLEY QUINN
(bemused)
Be serious......
JANE CHALMERS
Oh, you're right.....Herme, I mean his younger gorgeous alter ego, Harley, I'm so damned unrealistic, sitting here with my beautiful guardian angel.....from Jupiter!
(she's losing it)
HARLEY QUINN
(under his breath)
Close, but not another cigar; look, it's the polar opposite of ego....I'm not supposed to do this.......
(he snaps his fingers)
Jane is remarkably composed, poised.
JANE CHALMERS
(as if amnesiac)
How rude of me---- Suzi----- may I offer you a cocktail?
HARLEY QUINN
Oh, no, thank you, you see I'm already too much in the company of coc........I'm just fine, thanks; shall we discuss our upcoming meeting?
JANE CHALMERS
Of course; you're sure about that drink, perhaps some wine? What meeting?
HARLEY QUINN
Well, you're too kind, as they say, 'aqua vitae', 'in vino veritas', yes?
Suzi brings in the wine, stares at him the whole time, almost spilling it.
JANE'S ASSISTANT
You know, I'm the one who made....all...your appointments;
(puzzled at his youthful appearance)
Have you gotten some sun lately, it really does favor you, very much, I must say.
HARLEY QUINN
Thank you; yes, I am out of doors, in Nature, you might say, much of the time.
(regroups)
Jane, may I call you......
JANE CHALMERS
Why, of course, it would seem strange not to, feel I've known you for some time, although Suzi's right, you do look wonderful.
(flirting)
HARLEY QUINN
Yes, well, speaking of time......
He glances at a holographic chronometer, suspended in the room space, incomprehensible for its displays in several languages, ancient and modern, save for one: it registers 'Earth timespan=3 Billion Years, etc., down to the second'; she doesn't see it, the audience does.
tempus fugit, as they say; how would you feel about an audience with the Pope?
JANE CHALMERS
The who?
HARLEY QUINN
Fellow by the name of John Paul.
JANE CHALMERS
Are you kidding, I adore the Beatles, practically grew up with their.....
(laughing)
Thought you said the Pope......
HARLEY QUINN
Day after tomorrow.
JANE CHALMERS
I'm not familiar with that.....is that one of those missing studio takes, because I loved 'Free as a Bird', listened to......
(fingers snap again)
HARLEY QUINN
His Holiness, he's called.
JANE CHALMERS
(newly aware)
Do I have to kiss his ring, cause you know I'm Jewis.........
(freaked for pedestrian reason)
My mother.......
HARLEY QUINN
Don't be concerned, he's really a head of state, you know; and forget about that ring thing, it's not like he's Ringo!
(self-amused)
JANE CHALMERS
Oh, you mean, Ringo would be available?
We hear his fingers snapping, again, as we fade out.
FADE TO BRIGHT WHITE:
INT. SMALLER SUITE OF JULES & JOCKO-NIGHT
They are unaccustomed to luxury, not to mention the necessities and are very confused, concerned.
JOCKO
(sleeping on the floor)
Do you think they will notice?
He motions to the haphazard bundle of blankets and towels tied with a curtain cord on the floor near him.
JULES
Sac du cor, are you crazy? We are big stars, everywhere.........a young girl kissed me, on the lips
(points to it)
Ten times today!
JOCKO
Yes, but when she reads that you are..... 'depraved deviant', in the papers, then, boom, no more girls, towels, all the rest.
JULES
You know you are right......
(pause pouting)
Things are bound to change....we will get kisses from young, beautiful men, eh!
He pounds on Jocko with his down pillow, feathers----a classical sign of heaven/ascension of souls/air-headedness---attributes of the Fool, here in the service of the ultimate Trickster---- flying, both laughing with glee.
FADE OUT.
EXT. TIMES SQUARE MEGASCREEN-DAY
Jane's network is reporting that, due to investigative subpoenas into the Genitore death linked to their programming and credible reports that Jane is a possible material witness, as well as stories about her personal life and affairs, disputes have arisen from her camp over her services---disinformation floated for calculated damage to her credibility----- and Jane Chalmers' show will be shelved for the time being; the others follow suit in favor of 'safer' fare.
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. STUDIOS OF RADIO TALK SHOW-DAY
The controversial Springer like host is exploiting the report on an intentionally 'slow' news day.
BOB BANNER
Welcome, America to WYRD, where the only thing that's strange, at least to my opponents, is how very right I am....yes, this is your host, the man they want to ban, Bob Banner; let's go to your calls.......line one, you're on the air!
CALLER ONE
Hi, Bob, I just heard about this Jane person....you just don't know about anyone anymore, do you?
BOB BANNER
Well, let's review what we know: apparently, and this is not confirmed by our crack reporters---yet---but from what we have, from government sources, she's on the radar screen in that shoe magnate's demise; seems he left a note that may implicate her in, get this, some sort of Satanic thing he had gotten blackmailed with! We'll just have to leave it to the prosecutors, they know best with this sort of sad business.
CALLER ONE
I'm sure not watching that junk any more; tell your listeners to ban her!
BOB BANNER
Hey, hey, 'ban-her', that's me, and, we just report, you de-cide! Gotta go to news break, then we'll be taking more of your calls about this and other stories.....
NEWS ANCHOR
Thanks Bob; in international news, the Pope's scheduled mass in New York is now set in stone, barring any health problems, which are unlikely, and security is very tight; according to his doctors, he has exhibited uncanny vitality, with remission of his preexisting maladies----some who have seen him are calling it a, well, miracle ; the faithful are expected to turn out in record numbers for his historic visit to the Apple tomorrow; in other stories.....
CUT TO:
INT. ARGOS WORLD TV HEADQUARTERS NEW YORK-MORNING
The program heads are in conference with the President of the holding company, a reclusive devout Catholic; none of them has ever seen his face, much less met him or even spoken to him; he has decided to personally supervise the coverage of the Papal visit to NYC and suffers no fools. He walks with a limp, using an ornate walking stick, almost shoulder high.
BEHIND HIM WE SEE THE HUNDRED EYES LOGO OF THE NETWORK.
CASPER KLEDON
(quiet rage on face)
Ladies, and gents, please be seated; now, I don't meddle in .....world operations ordinarily, but, as you know, there's nothing ordinary about extant circumstances and events. Now, I want to know just who it was who decided to effectively shut down the 'hundred eyes' of Argos.....at a time of our highest ratings in history, and with His Holiness here tomorrow?
(pregnant pause)
CAMERA SCANS YOUNGER BRIGHT LOOKING FACES, NOW STOICLY TERRIFIED, PUZZLED.
CASPER KLEDON (cont'd)
Who is brave enough to acknowledge that 'I, I gave Argos 100 black eyes'.....eyes that have, until today, never closed somewhere in this world?
HE STANDS, RAISING HIS HAND IN RESPONSE TO HIS OWN QUERY, TO THEIR COLLECTIVE GASP-LIKE GREATER PUZZLEMENT.
CASPER KLEDON (cont'd)
That's right----I plead maxima culpa.
(another well-timed pause)
Who knows their Latin?
A young well-coiffed dynamic woman, darkly beautiful in classical terms, wearing a lovely peacock broach; she's a quite junior executive, raises her hand, seeing him simultaneously reveal a warm smile, out of the wild blue 'yonder', as it were.
CASPER KLEDON (cont'd)
Good for you......please stand, would you, that's right......
Hermes/Kledon is playing it to the hilt, as he has always admired the art of fencing, from afar, of course...preparing the way for the 'coup de grace', having played out his impetinata like some Greek tragedy.
CASPER KLEDON (cont'd)
Good for you....and, as for the rest of you, school is in----as in new school of thought.
(turns to her)
Tell me, Ms.......
TALIA HERAS
Heras.....Talia Heras, Mr. Kledon.
CASPER KLEDON
Yes, Ms. Heras.....why does the status quo have a Latin name?
Most still wonder at his sanity, his rationality, silently.
TALIA HERAS
Well, it's been......around for quite a while, I suppose.
Laughter of the 'glad it's not me making a fool of myself' egoistic variety, the 'old school's last gasp.
CASPER KLEDON
(taking the wind from their sails)
She's bloody well.....right! And has it ever been bloody, needlessly, so, as the once macho fighter cried, 'No Mas!' Sanguinity, the word for blood, now morphs to sanguine----optimism, about our future, our collective future. No more car chases, no more blow-dried pandering to the lowest common denominator-------we're going to be Fools!
Even his near peers in senior posts are speechless, and they have run the show for years, without interference; they literally don't recognize him, nor does he seem to, them.
CASPER KLEDON (cont'd)
Ms. Heras, tell us about this curiously paradoxical term.....
TALIA HERAS
(inspired, getting it)
'Follis', from the.....Latin, meaning 'bellows', as in blowing, breathing on, windbag----in-spiring, literally, providing fresh air!
CASPER KLEDON
Thank you, splendidly done, read my mind! Please, come sit here.
Motions for her to be at his left hand; a blow-dried person vacates, quickly.
CASPER KLEDON (cont'd)
That's 'follis', gentlemen, all, not its scatological phonetic sound alike.....
(impish smirk)
Although, make what you will of he 'bag' imagery........this woman's certainly got one!

Fresh air, for the forge....fire in the belly of life, the soul. Now, I'm not growing younger, at least out here.....
(points to corpus)
Don't have life to waste----so, what say let's, all us Fools, do our real jobs, in a way that makes us proud to be here.
He waves arms surveying outside to the blue sky through the panoramic windowed penthouse of Olympic Tower. He rises to enthusiastic applause, and faces not so much relieved as 'in-spired'.
WE SEE A PUCKISH GLEEM IN 'HIS' EYE AS HE MORPHS INTO ALL THREE OF HIS ROLES FOR THE CAMERA ALONE.
FADE TO BRIGHT WHITE:
EXT. CANOPIED PORCH-LIKE STRUCTURE AT UN PARK-DAY
It is a brilliantly sunlit day; the Pope approaches the podium, stooped as of old, seemingly frail, unwell. Suddenly, as his aides appear to prop him up, he stands erect, smiling, wearing a red clown nose.
POPE JOHN PAUL II
My American family, my friend Rabbi Mason has urged me to open....with a joke.....
(adoring laughter, relief)
So I have decided to employ a universal symbol for such a purpose, thanks to the lovely Ms. Chalmers. Red nose, feet of clay, yes?
(lifts one foot, baring ankle)
JANE IS SEEN IN THE ORDINARY CROWD, SMILING THROUGH TEARS; THE PEOPLE AROUND HER HAVE NOT JOSTLED HER, NOR HAS THE PRESS, THANKS TO THE POPE'S SUDDEN IN-SPIRATION TO CIVILITY.
POPE JOHN PAUL II (cont'd)
As I stand here, I sense that a threshhold can be crossed, has been, I pray; for far too long we have worn a far different sort of mask, a mask that keeps hidden the truth, patiently knowing, at the heart of what makes us smile in our spirits, giving the lie to that self-same soul we all possess, an undivided portion from the Heavens; and, so, I hope to return to you---I should say, return you to it-----, all of you in this world, so-called great and small, that eternal gift which you have always possessed but, sadly, overlooked in the midst of redundant days, a blurred continuum of uniform time that flys away....most of those precious days ever seeming as simply unique or memorable as the butterfly which has but one.
And yet, the butterfly, in its brief time, may, science now tells us, bring on the power of a hurricane!
Great cheering and applause, with many tears of joyous knowing, now awakened.
POPE JOHN PAUL II (cont'd)
You, my many reflections, and I, as well, must reflect back to the world and the Heavens in such a way that it is your eternal spirit, here among us, within you, feel it, which does possess you.....and, then, we shall have His Peace!
Music up, Tony Bennett's 'If I Ruled the World', fading softly to voice over background.
He moves away to step out and greet the people, no Popemobile, but an amazingly civil line has formed to greet him; the police are dumbfounded, also standing patiently on line.
SLOW PULL BACK SHOT, SHOWING THIS, CUTTING TO A BUS DRIVING SLOWLY BY, WITH A BANNER AD READING: '....WITH YOUR CLAY FEET IN OUR ACHILLES HEELS, YOU'LL BE HIS GREATEST WEAKNESS......'; A PICTURE OF HARLEY QUINN BEAMING EROTICALLY AT THE SLEEK FOOT/SHOE IS SEEN.
CUT TO VOICE OVER:
MEGASCREEN IN TIMES SQUARE IS SCROLLING STORY AS IT IS READ.
EXT. TIMES SQUARE MEGASCREEN OF ORDERLY CROWD WITH POPE AT U.N. PARK-DAY
NEWS ANCHOR O.S.
A breaking story from Rome, the Vatican; in a candid statement from the Holy See's official spokesperson, a certain official has been dismissed and referred to punitive authorities; in the announcement, where questions were taken, reference was made to the Michel Sindona affair some years ago, concerning wrongdoing at the Papal bank as a comparable situation.......

Music up, segue into Ringo Starr's 'With a Little Help from My Friends'.......then other Beatles' snippets.