PiratesApril 26 2010 at 10:21 AM
|Iceman (no login)|
April 26, 2010
Somali Pirates Say They Are Subsidiary of Goldman Sachs
Could Make Prosecution Difficult, Experts Say
NORFOLK, VIRGINIA (The Borowitz Report) Eleven indicted Somali pirates dropped a bombshell in a U.S. court today, revealing that their entire piracy operation is a subsidiary of banking giant Goldman Sachs.
There was an audible gasp in the courtroom when the leader of the pirates announced, We are doing Gods work. We work for Lloyd Blankfein.
The pirate, who said he earned a bonus of $48 million in dubloons last year, elaborated on the nature of the Somalis work for Goldman, explaining that the pirates forcibly attacked ships that Goldman had already shorted.
We were functioning as investment bankers, only every day was casual Friday, the pirate said.
The pirate acknowledged that they merged their operations with Goldman in late 2008 to take advantage of the more relaxed regulations governing bankers as opposed to pirates, plus to get our share of the bailout money.
In the aftermath of the shocking revelations, government prosecutors were scrambling to see if they still had a case against the Somali pirates, who would now be treated as bankers in the eyes of the law.
There are lots of laws that could bring these guys down if they were, in fact, pirates, one government source said. But if theyre bankers, our hands are tied. More here.
The Los Angeles Times says Andy Borowitz has one of the funniest Twitter feeds around. Follow Andy on Twitter.
You gotta be kidding!?
|April 26 2010, 3:02 PM |
Goldman hiring pirates to hedge their bets? It just almost makes too much sense.
I WONDERED why ... those dumb Somalians would be attacking huge freighters out in the open seas. It's just not "normal" for indigenous poor people to do that kind of thing. They generally have the attitude of 'leave us alone and we don't CARE what the heck you want to do.'
But if they're being ENTICED with a bunch of money under the table ... well yeah ... then they WILL go out and take risks like they're doing.
Apparently, most of the pirates are almost continuously high on drugs too.
|April 26 2010, 6:13 PM |
Sometimes your too much. But Pirates and Goldman Sachs do fit well together. Really the only difference is the AK47s.
Intellect is identical.
I don't often post much humor, but when I do you always have a unique way of turning it into more.
You are humorous?
|April 27 2010, 2:31 AM |
I did not KNOW that!~