A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A BUCK – By Gav Van Pamplemousse
Welcome one and all to my “Day in the Life” blog…………..I’m Gav Van Pamplemousse and I was asked by my good friend and Buck Boy Andy to be a substitute geetarist for a day for a very special Buck Brothers gig at a very special location……………...The House Of Lords! (no, not some dodgy 2 bit boozer in Camden……..the actual House Of Lords in Westminster!!)
Some background history………..I play in a band called THE AWESOME INSANIAC, a punk/metal band from Norwich (think The Wildhearts crossing swords with The Ramones at Slayers house!) and we played a few gigs with Andy’s old band Renton back in the day. Anyhow we stayed in touch ever since the demise of previous band and the rest as they say is history. I caught up with Buck Brothers supporting Goldfinger at the Waterfront in Norwich where they stole the show. (and the odd bottle of vodka!)
Consider yourselves up to speed! Back to the matter in hand……….Here’s my take on Saturday 20th September 2008…………A MEGA SURREAL DAY!
5.30 a.m and my alarm sounds like a fucking FOGHORN! (I didn’t get back from DJ’ing at a party until 1.30 am!) Dragging myself out of the pit I realised that the checklist I made the day before of things I needed for this trip was a genius bit of preparation. Guitar…check! hair straighteners…check! socks ‘n jocks…check! guitar picks…check! eyeliner…check! Functioning brain………hmmmmm! And we’re off! Arrive at the Train Station 6.45 and board the 7a.m train to Liverpool St, it’s a 2 hour journey in which I slip in and out of consciousness while sipping on Yop (great for hangovers by the way!)It was too early to crack a beer anyway!
8.57 a.m Arrive at Liverpool Street Station, ahhh………the sights and smells of the big city! And more importantly a dirty Maccy D’s for that double sausage breakfast bastard guaranteed to shift any hangover….and it worked a treat! Was very sad to see that the effects of the credit crunch have even reached the toilets in Liverpool St Station, they’ve put ‘em up to 30p the swine’s! Anyway to be fair I left them with a lot more than 30p’s worth………..…haha! Off to the rehearsal studio’s and decided to take a walk as it didn’t seem that far away on the map, to be fair it was only about half an hour away, chuffed I went in the right direction unlike usually where I set out and only realise I’ve gone wrong when I’m miles away from where I should be! The Premises Studio’s is an uber cool rehearsal place near Shoreditch which incorporates a trendy café and what seems like hundreds of practice studio’s, I was impressed that Simian Mobile Disco have a permanent room hired….they’re famous! Typically our space is on the very top floor which is great ‘cos there’s a cool lift to transport the gear. Andy arrives in a taxi with all the gear followed shortly by Phil, who is the stand in drummer for the day. I hadn’t met Phil before but I knew he was the producer of the Buck Brothers album which means he’s super cool……..and he is super cool. We get down to the business of practicing the 3 songs, “gorgeously stupid” “girls, skirts, boots, bikes” and”which me do you like” are the order of the day and after a few tweaks they’re sounding pretty damn good. Throughout the 4 hours practicing I’m unable to keep a straight face because Andy’s expressions while he’s singing are just so funny……….the man is INSANE! Frequently I break down into complete laughing fits and completely lose the ability to play guitar. Phil’s holding it down superbly on the pots and pans while still managing to look like a male supermodel…….even with his hands covered in gaffa tape to prevent blisters!
2.32 p.m Andy pops off to smarten up for the big wedding in Westminster Abbey while Phil and I load up the gear and head off to Parliament Square to set up. It is now where we meet our taxi driver for the day; allow me to introduce Mr Mohammed Moktadir Baksh. An absolute legend of a guy who doesn’t let his limited understanding of the English language stifle his enthusiasm for everything he does. I can’t express how nice this dude is. Negotiating his Toyota Picnic through protesters and tourists in Parliament Square we arrive at the Big Ben entrance where we have a nervous conversation with the police guards about where we are trying to get to, they look distrustingly at us so I ring our “fixer” Chris Heever, the events manager at the House of Lords. Unfortunately he’s held up in traffic and 10 minutes away so we wait nervously, crammed in the taxi. After some miraculous “fixing” a policeman hops into the taxi (as if it wasn’t full anyway!) and we shuttle off to our destination, the poshly named Cholmondsley Rooms……….wicked. Now from the outside the Houses of Parliament don’t look that big, but let me tell you they are FUCKING HUGE!! And after driving through a labyrinth of tunnels we arrive in a car park and unload the gear into the function room. There are loads of maids making up the tables and the room is lovely, very posh and running along the Thames. Phil and I stand on the veranda looking out over the Thames and back at the amazing carvings on the building and wonder what we’ve got ourselves into! This feeling will occur very often throughout the course of the day! Setting up the gear one of the maids asks us if we can play any Metallica songs…….random!
Resisting the urge to break out some “Enter Sandman” we regrettably let her down gently. I ask if we can have a glass of water and instantly a butler arrives with a silver tray, some glasses and a glass bottle of “House Of Lords” branded mineral water……..crazy! They even have their own water!
Right, gear set up and time to change into something a little smarter, straighten the hair and apply some eyeliner.
5.35 p.m and we are led through secret chambers and miles of corridors lined with books and paintings to the entrance where we are to meet up with the wedding party, cue 10 minutes of bemused tourists taking photo’s of us and wondering why we didn’t wait to apply the eyeliner until later! The wedding party arrived and everyone has the tour of the Houses of Parliament which takes in the Commons, Lords and all the historical and political gubbins involved (sorry I can’t be more articulate but I’m a guitarist in a rock n roll band, what did you expect!??) and I’ve gotta say the whole thing was fantastic, standing in the House of Commons where all the politicians face off was mega cool, I just wanted to shout “THE RIGHT HONOURABLE GENTLEMAN!” and “ORDER!” etc…………and I tell ya, Phil and I must have been the only males ever to have been in there wearing heavy eyeliner, I’ll take that as a first, thank you very much!
6.50 p.m Tour over and we all end up in a rather posh sort of “holding” room, cue the maids with Champagne and canapés……now we’re talking! It is here that I discover my new favourite canapé which is basically little filo pastry like a tiny cup cake containing melted cheese and chicken, my description might not convey the goodness but OMG it’s good! Anyhoo, we meet the wedding couple Colin Hampden-White and Caroline Hove……………lovely people and a right good crack too! Now Colin, as all you Buck historians may know is an amazing photographer who took the publicity piccies of the Buck Boys on the Loo, which currently grace the Myspace and gig posters. After much schmoozing and quaffing Shampoo (darling!) we go to the dining room and are surprised that Phil and myself are included on the tables with the wedding guests…………..gulp!...........we were expecting to be having some grub in a separate area before being wheeled out for the performance like a couple of rabid Hannibal Lector’s! OK, composure, best posh voice, try not to drink everything in sight, watch how other people use the different cutlery etc! The room looks like it is full of political and financial royalty………there are Lords, Ladies, Viscounts (not the biscuits!), Sirs, ex European Ministers, top newspaper bods and all sorts of people from the upper echelons of society here. Not normally used to being in this sort of company, I’ve got to admit that I feared the worst that we’d be leered at and ridiculed like medieval peasants! But of course everyone we met, from whatever background, were more than courteous and intrigued that we’d be playing some live music later. “I suppose you sound a bit like the Monkees?” one lady asked, “erm, uh, well, um, there are similarities m’lady, just keep down this end of the room (the opposite end!)and you’ll love the tunes!”.
10.24 p.m So all’s cool, we’ve heard some lovely speeches and had 3 courses of amazing cuisine, good banter at the tables, Red, White and Sparkling wine in abundance and it’s finally time to take the stage! There’s been no background music on throughout the day so I think that everyone’s looking forward to something different (…..being the operative word as this is not your normal wedding band!) I’m a little bit nervous as I’ve only practised these tunes for a couple of weeks beforehand plus Andy sprang it on me two days ago that they play “Which Me” a step down from the album tuning………….but hey, isn’t it amazing the calming and soothing effects of booze! Colin steps up to introduce us and rallies his troops, ordering people to get off their arses and rock out at the front, which they willingly do as I cranked out the opening of “Gorgeously Stupid”, the rest, to be honest for me was a bit of a blur of rocking out, trying to sing in tune and concentrating on not fucking up the songs! Phil kept it impressively tight on the drums while still maintaining the wild style (think animal from the Muppets!) and Andy was at his best, wrapping the audience round his fingers with his ringmaster stylee! Three songs later we emerged triumphant with people lavishing praise left, right and centre. The crowd were baying for more, and as these were the only songs we knew together, rather than unleashing an impromptu rendition of “Wild Thing” on them, Andy decided to get the assembled masses to shout “THUMPING PANTS”……….absolute genius! More Champagne flowed and cigarettes smoked on the balcony running along the Thames with the feeling of excitement, exhilaration and relief hanging in the air as we chatted with everyone. Someone even said that I reminded them of the guitarist in the New York Dolls (not the dead one! he he!) This made my day..........result!
11.26 p.m Loaded the gear out into the dude Mohammed’s taxi for the final time and bid farewell to the House of Lords back to Andy’s place to break open the bottle of 12 year old whisky he had. God only knows what time we finished drinking but judging by the progress (about half a bottle!) we must have been a few hours winding down from a crazy day. I’m so sad that I have on my mobile phone “Sylvia” by (awesome 70’s dutch prog rock band) Focus and took great delight in playing it to Andy’s dog Sylvia, who I’m sure was quite impressed……………although it might have just been me being pissed!
That’s the end of my blog and I’ve learnt many things…………namely that posh people can be cool, Phil is an amazing chap (the production on Buck Brothers’ next album will kick ass!) and the days just get better and better when you have all of the 4 main staple booze groups…………red, white and sparkling wine plus spirits!
Andy & Gav: Freshly Lorded up on the morning after the night before. Nice dressing gown Andy.
And of course I’ve gotta say a massive FUCKING HELL YEAH to Andy for inviting me to this shindig! Cheers bud!
Apologies for the grammatical errors, again what did you expect……………….!
All the best
GvP
xoxoxoxo
